All I Want Is You by Elizabeth Anthony

still a virgin, Sophie,’ she would emphasize. ‘Still a virgin, for Lord Ashley.’
    I wrote for the very last time to Mr Maldon.
    I don’t know where you are now.
I stopped with my pen in the air, struggling for words.
But wherever you are, you might have heard that the Duke is very ill, and I am maidservant to Lady Beatrice. I might not be here at Belfield Hall for much longer.
    I gazed into the shadows, sadness coursing through me, then I dipped my pen in the ink once more and wrote on in near despair:
I wish you had written back to me. I wish you had come for me. I will not write again.
    That night I dreamed – as I did almost every night now – that he was lying beside me and holding me in his arms. I dreamed of his flesh against my flesh; I teased my painted nipples in the dark, alone in my narrow servant’s bed.
    I cried out a name I didn’t know, but I heard his voice, I saw his face.
    Soon the October frosts were crisping the lawns and the gardeners’ bonfires sent spirals of drifting smoke into the chilly air. Nell had now returned, but to me she didn’t look strong enough to work from dawn till nearly midnight, and I thought it hateful that she still had to see Eddie almost daily when he’d all but wrecked her life.
    For the first few days of her return I didn’t get a chance to talk to her alone, but I did learn from Cook that Nell had been regularly visited in the charity home by Will and his family, the Baxters. I wondered if Will was courting her and, one afternoon, when weat last had a chance to be alone in the laundry room, I asked her.
    ‘No,’ Nell said sadly. ‘I think he visited me at first so he could ask about you, then he simply felt sorry for me. But it’s you he wanted, Sophie. It’s you he’s
always
wanted…’
    She broke off; she must have seen my expression of remorse and regret because suddenly she rushed to me and hugged me tightly. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ Her voice caught and broke. ‘I loved Eddie so much – it’s all right, I’m over him now, but I loved him, Sophie!’
    I held her silently while her tears fell.
    Doctor Blakey came daily to see the Duke, who was no better. The family’s lawyer drove regularly from Oxford too for meetings with the Duchess, who was still desperate, Beatrice told me, to prevent the title and the entire estate going to Lord Ashley on the Duke’s death.
    I saw less and less of the staff, but one evening as I went downstairs for some coffee for Lady Beatrice, I found my way to the kitchen barred by four of the menservants, Robert and Eddie amongst them. Something in their expressions made my heart hammer.
    ‘Excuse me,’ I said, ‘you’re in my way.’
    ‘And you don’t like folks getting in your way,’ sneered Eddie. ‘Specially not common folks like us. But… you and Her Ladyship, now. The things we hear…’
    I froze. Then, trying to breathe normally, I pushed past them and hurried on towards the kitchen. I realised Eddie was following me. ‘What you need,’ he said, ‘thetwo of you, Her Ladyship and you, is a good bit of cock up you. And some day, bitch, you’ll get it…’
    Suddenly I saw Mrs Burdett bustling along the corridor in our direction. Eddie sauntered off, whistling under his breath. I was shaking.
    Mrs Burdett saw Eddie and frowned. She said to me, sharply, ‘Take care of yourself, young lady. I know you think you’re destined for better things, but remember pride comes before a fall.’
    I dipped a curtsey. After Eddie’s verbal assault I was still trembling badly. ‘Thank you, Mrs Burdett. Good night, Mrs Burdett,’ I whispered. I fetched the coffee and hurried back upstairs. But late that night the house was suddenly in a state of uproar. Lady Beatrice called to me through my bedroom door but I was already wide awake. The old Duke was very ill, and Eddie had driven off in the Duke’s motorcar to fetch Dr Blakey, but it was too late.
    The Duke died before sunrise. I sat alone in my room,