minute, I’ll go pull in the other Jet Ski so it doesn’t float too far
down the lake.”
I nodded.
While Kai was
retrieving my Jet Ski, I laid my head back and tried to process what had
happened. It took a second, but then it all came back.
I had crashed because I
couldn’t switch back to reality from the memory of the doctor telling me about
Anna. I swallowed hard.
PTSD was riddled with
flashbacks, wasn’t it?
Wasn’t that what I’d
heard about veterans after coming back from war?
Though this was far
from my first flashback, the intensity had been much stronger. If I couldn’t
control when they happened, I could potentially be a danger to anyone at
any time. Given the right set of circumstances—or wrong—I was nothing short of
a walking, living hazard.
Stop running.
My eyes flew open as I
looked from left to right.
No one.
Chills climbed up my
spine.
God?
No answer.
Of course there’s no
answer, don’t be stupid!
Laying on the shore
waiting for Kai, I knew I really only had one option left. If I didn’t want to
go completely insane before my twenty-fourth birthday, I would have to take it.
Hearing voices and having movie-type flashbacks were among the short list of
things that would be cause for new concern, but honoring Anna was still at the
top of my list.
Maybe it was time for a
compromise with Dr. Crane after all.
**********
Our drive home felt
shorter than the drive out to the lake earlier that day. Kai hummed softly to
the music on the radio as I laid my head against the window. He had some God station tuned-in. I didn’t care what music it was though. His voice was soothing;
I wished I could hear more of it.
Ultimately, I knew there
wouldn’t be more of anything when it came to Kai and I. Our time
together had meant one thing: nothing.
Even still, I wanted to
cherish the last of it. If I was destined to play the role of little sister within this mix of family and friends, then I only wanted a few minutes to
pretend otherwise.
Just a few minutes to
dream that in some past life things might have been different for us. That
broken didn’t have to mean eternally lonely. That a man like Kai could find a
woman like me interesting and attractive. I held onto my fantasy all the way to
Stacie’s driveway.
It was late afternoon
when we pulled up to the house. The sun was getting lower on the horizon and a
soft breeze blew in from the east. Kai beat me to my door again, helping me out
of his large Ford truck. As I stepped down, I could feel the bruises forming on
my thighs.
“I had a really nice
time today, Tori—with the exception of your death-defying crash. I wish you
could have said the same. Today didn’t really work out for you like I had hoped
it would,” he said.
His tender smile caused
the butterflies to awaken inside me once again.
“I can...I mean, I did
have a really nice time today—with the exception of my bad driving skills and
depth perception,” I said, rolling my eyes.
He chuckled then,
stepping closer. He reached his hand out toward my face. I was a mixture of
both fire and ice as he skimmed the curve of my scar with his thumb. I was
frozen, yet my skin blazed from the heat of his touch.
He withdrew his hand
quickly, a look of uncertainty flashing in his eyes. It had happened so quickly
that I wondered if I had imagined it. I was known for my vivid imagination,
after all.
But I could still feel
the flush of my cheeks.
It had been real, right?
“I’d like to see you
again, Tori. Maybe we could do something a little less dangerous nexttime,” he said, his eyes locking onto mine.
My stomach flipped
wildly as my palms began to sweat. This had to end now; I had to stop this
before all my dignity and control were lost forever. There was no magic
pixie dust for me. I wouldn’t ever be a girlfriend. I could barely be a
friend.
The role of little sister would have to suffice.
The only other
alternative…was to be nothing at all.
I stared down at
down the lake.”
I nodded.
While Kai was
retrieving my Jet Ski, I laid my head back and tried to process what had
happened. It took a second, but then it all came back.
I had crashed because I
couldn’t switch back to reality from the memory of the doctor telling me about
Anna. I swallowed hard.
PTSD was riddled with
flashbacks, wasn’t it?
Wasn’t that what I’d
heard about veterans after coming back from war?
Though this was far
from my first flashback, the intensity had been much stronger. If I couldn’t
control when they happened, I could potentially be a danger to anyone at
any time. Given the right set of circumstances—or wrong—I was nothing short of
a walking, living hazard.
Stop running.
My eyes flew open as I
looked from left to right.
No one.
Chills climbed up my
spine.
God?
No answer.
Of course there’s no
answer, don’t be stupid!
Laying on the shore
waiting for Kai, I knew I really only had one option left. If I didn’t want to
go completely insane before my twenty-fourth birthday, I would have to take it.
Hearing voices and having movie-type flashbacks were among the short list of
things that would be cause for new concern, but honoring Anna was still at the
top of my list.
Maybe it was time for a
compromise with Dr. Crane after all.
**********
Our drive home felt
shorter than the drive out to the lake earlier that day. Kai hummed softly to
the music on the radio as I laid my head against the window. He had some God station tuned-in. I didn’t care what music it was though. His voice was soothing;
I wished I could hear more of it.
Ultimately, I knew there
wouldn’t be more of anything when it came to Kai and I. Our time
together had meant one thing: nothing.
Even still, I wanted to
cherish the last of it. If I was destined to play the role of little sister within this mix of family and friends, then I only wanted a few minutes to
pretend otherwise.
Just a few minutes to
dream that in some past life things might have been different for us. That
broken didn’t have to mean eternally lonely. That a man like Kai could find a
woman like me interesting and attractive. I held onto my fantasy all the way to
Stacie’s driveway.
It was late afternoon
when we pulled up to the house. The sun was getting lower on the horizon and a
soft breeze blew in from the east. Kai beat me to my door again, helping me out
of his large Ford truck. As I stepped down, I could feel the bruises forming on
my thighs.
“I had a really nice
time today, Tori—with the exception of your death-defying crash. I wish you
could have said the same. Today didn’t really work out for you like I had hoped
it would,” he said.
His tender smile caused
the butterflies to awaken inside me once again.
“I can...I mean, I did
have a really nice time today—with the exception of my bad driving skills and
depth perception,” I said, rolling my eyes.
He chuckled then,
stepping closer. He reached his hand out toward my face. I was a mixture of
both fire and ice as he skimmed the curve of my scar with his thumb. I was
frozen, yet my skin blazed from the heat of his touch.
He withdrew his hand
quickly, a look of uncertainty flashing in his eyes. It had happened so quickly
that I wondered if I had imagined it. I was known for my vivid imagination,
after all.
But I could still feel
the flush of my cheeks.
It had been real, right?
“I’d like to see you
again, Tori. Maybe we could do something a little less dangerous nexttime,” he said, his eyes locking onto mine.
My stomach flipped
wildly as my palms began to sweat. This had to end now; I had to stop this
before all my dignity and control were lost forever. There was no magic
pixie dust for me. I wouldn’t ever be a girlfriend. I could barely be a
friend.
The role of little sister would have to suffice.
The only other
alternative…was to be nothing at all.
I stared down at
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