Alice in Zombieland by Lewis & Cook Carroll Page A

agree to everything that Alice said; ‘there’s a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is— “The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.”’
          ‘Oh, I know!’ exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark, ‘it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like one, but it is.’
          ‘I quite agree with you,’ said the Duchess; ‘and the moral of that is— “Be what you would seem to be” —or if you’d like it put more simply— “Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.”’
          ‘I think I should understand that better,’ Alice said very politely, ‘if I had it written down: but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.’ And even the dismembered leg must have been weary of the Duchess because it began to squirm most irritably and Alice had to use both hands to keep it in place.
          ‘That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose,’ the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.
          ‘Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,’ said Alice.
          ‘Oh, don’t talk about trouble!’ said the Duchess. ‘I make you a present of everything I’ve said as yet.’
          ‘A cheap sort of present!’ thought Alice. ‘I’m glad they don’t give birthday presents like that!’ But she did not venture to say it out loud.
          ‘Thinking again?’ the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin.
          ‘I’ve a right to think,’ said Alice sharply, for her hunger was beginning to become monstrous again, and she felt she must have meat soon or fall down and die.
          ‘Just about as much right,’ said the Duchess, ‘as pigs have to fly; and the m—’
          But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess’s voice died away, even in the middle of her favourite word ‘moral,’ and the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm. Her mouth was dripping with what Alice thought must be fresh blood, as if she had been eating something not altogether cooked. The blood was smeared down her dress front, and Alice was sure she could see bits of it in her disheveled hair as well.
          ‘A fine day, your Majesty!’ the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
          ‘Now, I give you fair warning,’ shouted the Queen, stamping on the ground and spitting blood at them as she spoke; ‘either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time! Take your choice!’
          The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
          ‘Let’s go on with the game,’ the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the graveyard, shoved along by the cold wind coming in from the dark forest beyond. The Queen still carried that curious metal box under one arm and the bloody, notched stick in the other. Alice tried to stay out of range of the killing stick.
          The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen’s absence, and were resting atop various tombs and headstones: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment’s delay would cost them their lives.
          All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with the other players, and shouting ‘Off with his head!’ or ‘Off with her head!’ Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution.
          Then the Queen left