Admission by Travis Thrasher

don’t think I would.”
    “Do you ever think about the big picture?”
    “What? Life, the universe, the hereafter? Sure.”
    “It doesn’t seem like you do.”
    Jake couldn’t help thinking how much he wanted to kiss her. “College kids need to have fun. We have the rest of our lives to grow up.”
    “Do you ever worry about the mistakes you’ve made?”
    “Like breaking my hand?”
    “No, like breaking the rules.”
    “You’ve been working in that dean’s office too long,” he said.
    “I’m not talking about the college’s rules.”
    He let out a sigh and shook his head. “Alyssa, come on.
    You’re not one of those holier-than-thou people.”
    “I’m not trying to be,” she replied.
    “I don’t see why God would care in the least about me having some beers with a few friends.”
    “You make it sound so innocent.”
    “It is,” Jake said, louder than he should have.
    “Your right hand is in a cast. Because you
hit a door
. That’s not so innocent.”
    “I hurt myself.”
    “What happens when you hurt someone else?”
    “Oh, man. What? When I get behind the wheel and crash into someone? Come on. I’m not an idiot.”
    “Yes, you are.”
    Jake laughed. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. Is that my affirmation of the day?”
    “Don’t you think about tomorrow?”
    “Sure.”
    Alyssa looked disappointed and moved in her seat as if she was getting ready to leave.
    “Look, Alyssa, I don’t know what you want.”
    “It’s not about what
I
want.”
    Jake just looked at her, wanting more.
    “What I mean is—there are consequences for your actions, Jake. And I—well—you’re heading down a bad path. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
    “I’ll be fine.”
    “Are you sure?”
    Jake nodded. “I’m always fine.”
    He smiled and tried to get a similar look from her, but all he saw was disappointment. He hated that look, especially on Alyssa’s face. But there was nothing he could do to change it. He was who he was, and she was right—he shouldn’t change just because of her.
    Maybe Jake needed to grow up, but Alyssa needed to as well. She wanted to stay out of the world and in the little bubble known as Providence. But eventually she would get out. And she would discover that the world wasn’t idealistic or pretty, and that sooner or later everyone failed.

SIXTEEN
          June 2005
    “MAYBE YOU’RE NOT MEANT to find Alec.” Bruce studied his gin and tonic before draining the rest of it. He didn’t seem to want a response.
    “Maybe you should’ve stayed in California,” I said.
    “Ouch. That hurts.”
    “This isn’t some vacation.”
    We were sitting in an upscale bar not far from O’Hare. We had flown in to Chicago two hours before and were waiting for Franklin. Bruce ordered another drink, and I wondered if he’d been sober since I’d seen him.
    “You think Franklin will know any more than Shane?” he asked.
    “I’m wondering if he’s even coming.”
    “You want to try his cell again?”
    I shook my head. I’d already left him a couple of messages.
    “Think he’s the same?”
    “Probably,” I said. “Franklin acted like a forty-year-old back in college.”
    “How’d we ever end up hanging around with him in the first place?”
    “Shane. They were roommates. Remember—they had an apartment off campus that we always went to junior year?”
    “Oh yeah.”
    “He was all right. At least for a while.”
    “He always patronized me.”
    I stared at Bruce’s disheveled hair and unhealthy paleness. “Don’t expect anything different.”
    “Don’t go acting like him now. Why don’t you order something?”
    I held up the Diet Coke. “This is fine.”
    “I thought coming with you would be fun.”
    “Watching you drink twenty-four/seven has been fun too.”
    Bruce began to get that look in his eyes, the one that said he wasn’t all there. Earlier, he had slipped away, and I would have bet my car that he had gone outside to smoke a little