great stuff he’d found out about Minnie Bloch, but he was getting nowhere with the Herbs. It wasn’t from lack of trying. They had become a daily item on his To Do list:
Practice baritone
Science project abstract due
Voluntary/mandatory 3 P.M.
Check mashed potato results
Call Herbs
Whenever he called and it was a man, he was sure it was a Herb. But each time, those men, they denied being Herbs. Adam was keeping a tally sheet. Three times he had “just missed them.” Four times they were in a meeting. Twice they were on their way in from the field. More than once Adam had asked if there wasn’t someone beside a Herb who could help him. “There has to be somebody in a big place like Code Enforcement who could answer one simple question,” Adam had said.
“Oh no, honey,” the woman had replied. “One thing you learn when you devote your life to code enforcement: nothing is simple. But listen, you keep trying. I recognize your voice. You’re one of our regulars. You’ve been close several times. I have a good feeling about this; I think it’s going to happen for you.”
And then Adam hit pay dirt. He was up early Monday — his before-school/after-school voluntary/mandatory that day was before school. He hit auto dial. The phone rang once.
“Yeah,” a man’s voice said.
“Herb Green!” said Adam, trying to sound like a long-lost friend.
“The one and only,” said Herb Green.
Adam could not believe his good luck. He’d almost guessed Herb Black.
“Adam Canfield here,” said Adam, determined not to miss a beat. “Herb, just had a quick question for you on this new deal on accessory structures in the front half of housing lots — 200-52.7A.” There was quiet on the other end, but Adam was not about to allow Herb Green any wiggle room. “Wanted to know what sort of structures you’ll be applying that to, Herb.”
More quiet. “I know you’re the man they look to for interpretations of the law,” continued Adam. “And I know accessory structures are your specialty. Just wanted to see where we’re heading on this one, Herb.”
Adam wouldn’t let himself exhale; he didn’t want to miss a syllable of anything Herb Green said.
And then Herb Green began, speaking slowly and carefully. “It’s true, accessory structures are my specialty,” he said. “And it’s true I do handle
some
code interpretations. But unfortunately, the accessory structure code is not a code interpretation I handle.”
Adam could not believe it. This wasn’t fair. He had played by the rules, caught a Herb, and now that Herb was trying to squirm free. Adam was losing strength for this. All the juice was going out of him. “Who would that person be?” said Adam quietly.
“Herb Black,” said Herb Green.
“Let me guess,” said Adam. “Herb Black is in a meeting.”
“No, he’s not,” said Herb Green.
“I just missed him,” said Adam.
“No,” said Herb Green.
“Out in the field?” said Adam.
“No, he’s right here,” said Herb Green. “Want to talk to him?”
“Well, yes,” said Adam. “That would be nice.”
“Hang on,” said Herb Green. “I’m going to put you on hold a second and have Herb Black pick up.”
Adam felt exhilarated. At last. It just took persistence. All the great reporters had it. These Herbs, they didn’t seem like such awful guys after all, probably just overworked. He felt bad for prejudging them.
Adam waited. The phone at Code Enforcement played music while he held. It was a radio station, Q-104, the Dove. His grandmother’s favorite. Hard listening for Adam. Something called “Muskrat Love” was on. A minute passed, then two. A new song came on. Something called “We’ve Only Just Begun.” Even harder listening. Five minutes passed. Suddenly the music stopped. The line went quiet. Adam tensed. This was it.
There was a dial tone. A dial tone! Was this some kind of sick joke? He frantically pressed redial. The phone rang five times. Adam kept thinking,
Practice baritone
Science project abstract due
Voluntary/mandatory 3 P.M.
Check mashed potato results
Call Herbs
Whenever he called and it was a man, he was sure it was a Herb. But each time, those men, they denied being Herbs. Adam was keeping a tally sheet. Three times he had “just missed them.” Four times they were in a meeting. Twice they were on their way in from the field. More than once Adam had asked if there wasn’t someone beside a Herb who could help him. “There has to be somebody in a big place like Code Enforcement who could answer one simple question,” Adam had said.
“Oh no, honey,” the woman had replied. “One thing you learn when you devote your life to code enforcement: nothing is simple. But listen, you keep trying. I recognize your voice. You’re one of our regulars. You’ve been close several times. I have a good feeling about this; I think it’s going to happen for you.”
And then Adam hit pay dirt. He was up early Monday — his before-school/after-school voluntary/mandatory that day was before school. He hit auto dial. The phone rang once.
“Yeah,” a man’s voice said.
“Herb Green!” said Adam, trying to sound like a long-lost friend.
“The one and only,” said Herb Green.
Adam could not believe his good luck. He’d almost guessed Herb Black.
“Adam Canfield here,” said Adam, determined not to miss a beat. “Herb, just had a quick question for you on this new deal on accessory structures in the front half of housing lots — 200-52.7A.” There was quiet on the other end, but Adam was not about to allow Herb Green any wiggle room. “Wanted to know what sort of structures you’ll be applying that to, Herb.”
More quiet. “I know you’re the man they look to for interpretations of the law,” continued Adam. “And I know accessory structures are your specialty. Just wanted to see where we’re heading on this one, Herb.”
Adam wouldn’t let himself exhale; he didn’t want to miss a syllable of anything Herb Green said.
And then Herb Green began, speaking slowly and carefully. “It’s true, accessory structures are my specialty,” he said. “And it’s true I do handle
some
code interpretations. But unfortunately, the accessory structure code is not a code interpretation I handle.”
Adam could not believe it. This wasn’t fair. He had played by the rules, caught a Herb, and now that Herb was trying to squirm free. Adam was losing strength for this. All the juice was going out of him. “Who would that person be?” said Adam quietly.
“Herb Black,” said Herb Green.
“Let me guess,” said Adam. “Herb Black is in a meeting.”
“No, he’s not,” said Herb Green.
“I just missed him,” said Adam.
“No,” said Herb Green.
“Out in the field?” said Adam.
“No, he’s right here,” said Herb Green. “Want to talk to him?”
“Well, yes,” said Adam. “That would be nice.”
“Hang on,” said Herb Green. “I’m going to put you on hold a second and have Herb Black pick up.”
Adam felt exhilarated. At last. It just took persistence. All the great reporters had it. These Herbs, they didn’t seem like such awful guys after all, probably just overworked. He felt bad for prejudging them.
Adam waited. The phone at Code Enforcement played music while he held. It was a radio station, Q-104, the Dove. His grandmother’s favorite. Hard listening for Adam. Something called “Muskrat Love” was on. A minute passed, then two. A new song came on. Something called “We’ve Only Just Begun.” Even harder listening. Five minutes passed. Suddenly the music stopped. The line went quiet. Adam tensed. This was it.
There was a dial tone. A dial tone! Was this some kind of sick joke? He frantically pressed redial. The phone rang five times. Adam kept thinking,
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