him, bitter, self-centred, lacking in empathy. This is the
last bow of the narcissist, his curtain call, by
proxy as it
were.
Narcissistic Tactics
The narcissist tends to surround
himself with his inferiors (in some respect: intellectually,
financially, physically). He limits his interactions with them to
the plane of his superiority. This is the safest and fastest way to
sustain his grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience,
brilliance, ideal traits, perfection and so on.
Humans are interchangeable and
the narcissist does not distinguish one individual from another. To
him they are all inanimate elements of "his audience" whose job is
to reflect his False Self. This generates a perpetual and permanent
cognitive dissonance:
The narcissist despises the very
people who sustain his Ego boundaries and functions. He cannot
respect people so expressly and clearly inferior to him – yet he
can never associate with people evidently on his level or superior
to him, the risk of narcissistic injury in such associations being
too great. Equipped with a fragile Ego, precariously teetering on
the brink of narcissistic injury – the narcissist prefers the safe
route. But he feels contempt for himself and for others for having
preferred it.
Some narcissist are also
psychopaths (suffer from the Antisocial PD) and/or sadists.
Antisocials don't really enjoy hurting others – they simply don't
care one way or the other. But sadists do enjoy it.
Classical narcissists do
not enjoy wounding others – but they do enjoy the sensation of
unlimited power and the validation of their grandiose fantasies
when they do harm others or are in the position to do so. It is
more the POTENTIAL to hurt others than the actual act that turns
them on.
The Neverending Story
Even the official termination of
a relationship with a narcissist is not the end of the affair. The
Ex "belongs" to the narcissist. She is an inseparable part of his
Pathological Narcissistic Space. This possessive streak survives
the physical separation.
Thus, the narcissist is likely to
respond with rage, seething envy, a sense of humiliation and
invasion and violent-aggressive urges to an ex's new boyfriend, or
new job (to her new life without him). Especially since it implies
a "failure" on his part and, thus negates his
grandiosity.
But there is a second
scenario:
If the narcissist firmly believes
(which is very rare) that the ex does not and will never represent
any amount, however marginal and residual, of any kind (primary or
secondary) of Narcissistic Supply – he remains utterly unmoved by
anything she does and anyone she may choose to be with.
Narcissists do feel bad about
hurting others and about the unsavoury course their lives tend to
assume. Their underlying (and subconscious) ego-dystony (=feeling
bad about themselves) was only recently discovered and described.
But the narcissist feels bad only when his Supply Sources are
threatened because of his behaviour or following a narcissistic
injury in the course of a major life crisis.
The narcissist equates
emotions with weakness. He regards the sentimental and the
emotional with contempt. He looks down on the sensitive and the
vulnerable. He derides and despises the dependent and the loving.
He mocks expressions of compassion and passion. He is devoid
of empathy . He is so
afraid of his True Self that he would rather disparage it than
admit to his own faults and "soft spots".
He likes to talk about
himself in mechanical terms ("machine", "efficient", "punctual", "output", "computer").
He suppresses his human side diligently and with dedication. To him
being human and survival are mutually exclusive propositions. He
must choose and his choice is clear. The narcissist never looks
back, unless and until forced to by life's
circumstances.
All narcissists fear
intimacy. But the cerebral narcissist deploys strong defences
against it: "scientific detachment" (the narcissist as the eternal
observer),
last bow of the narcissist, his curtain call, by
proxy as it
were.
Narcissistic Tactics
The narcissist tends to surround
himself with his inferiors (in some respect: intellectually,
financially, physically). He limits his interactions with them to
the plane of his superiority. This is the safest and fastest way to
sustain his grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience,
brilliance, ideal traits, perfection and so on.
Humans are interchangeable and
the narcissist does not distinguish one individual from another. To
him they are all inanimate elements of "his audience" whose job is
to reflect his False Self. This generates a perpetual and permanent
cognitive dissonance:
The narcissist despises the very
people who sustain his Ego boundaries and functions. He cannot
respect people so expressly and clearly inferior to him – yet he
can never associate with people evidently on his level or superior
to him, the risk of narcissistic injury in such associations being
too great. Equipped with a fragile Ego, precariously teetering on
the brink of narcissistic injury – the narcissist prefers the safe
route. But he feels contempt for himself and for others for having
preferred it.
Some narcissist are also
psychopaths (suffer from the Antisocial PD) and/or sadists.
Antisocials don't really enjoy hurting others – they simply don't
care one way or the other. But sadists do enjoy it.
Classical narcissists do
not enjoy wounding others – but they do enjoy the sensation of
unlimited power and the validation of their grandiose fantasies
when they do harm others or are in the position to do so. It is
more the POTENTIAL to hurt others than the actual act that turns
them on.
The Neverending Story
Even the official termination of
a relationship with a narcissist is not the end of the affair. The
Ex "belongs" to the narcissist. She is an inseparable part of his
Pathological Narcissistic Space. This possessive streak survives
the physical separation.
Thus, the narcissist is likely to
respond with rage, seething envy, a sense of humiliation and
invasion and violent-aggressive urges to an ex's new boyfriend, or
new job (to her new life without him). Especially since it implies
a "failure" on his part and, thus negates his
grandiosity.
But there is a second
scenario:
If the narcissist firmly believes
(which is very rare) that the ex does not and will never represent
any amount, however marginal and residual, of any kind (primary or
secondary) of Narcissistic Supply – he remains utterly unmoved by
anything she does and anyone she may choose to be with.
Narcissists do feel bad about
hurting others and about the unsavoury course their lives tend to
assume. Their underlying (and subconscious) ego-dystony (=feeling
bad about themselves) was only recently discovered and described.
But the narcissist feels bad only when his Supply Sources are
threatened because of his behaviour or following a narcissistic
injury in the course of a major life crisis.
The narcissist equates
emotions with weakness. He regards the sentimental and the
emotional with contempt. He looks down on the sensitive and the
vulnerable. He derides and despises the dependent and the loving.
He mocks expressions of compassion and passion. He is devoid
of empathy . He is so
afraid of his True Self that he would rather disparage it than
admit to his own faults and "soft spots".
He likes to talk about
himself in mechanical terms ("machine", "efficient", "punctual", "output", "computer").
He suppresses his human side diligently and with dedication. To him
being human and survival are mutually exclusive propositions. He
must choose and his choice is clear. The narcissist never looks
back, unless and until forced to by life's
circumstances.
All narcissists fear
intimacy. But the cerebral narcissist deploys strong defences
against it: "scientific detachment" (the narcissist as the eternal
observer),
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