muthafuckin’ poser.
I slammed my palm on the desk, my anger swirling around the office like a tornado. I felt like I was having an out of body experience, watching myself act like a caged animal, unable to stop my blood from boiling over.
I should have more control. I am a fuckin’ SEAL…God dammit!
I smacked my palm to the wall, utterly and undeniably pissed off. I turned back to the pictures, focusing my sights on the background, realizing it had been taken in my bedroom.
THE MESSENGER
ADELINE
I didn’t say anything. I was too nervous, trying to think of what I was going to say. Stella drove onto base and parked right in front of Cole's office.
“I’ll be right out here,” she said, patting my knee.
I jumped out of the car and hurried up the stairs to the main entrance. The minute I walked through the door, I saw Elijah doing paperwork at his desk. He stood up.
“Adeline, what are you doing here?”
“Where is he, Elijah?”
“He’s in the back. I’ll go get him.”
“No, I’ll go back there.”
He nodded, his face a little anxious, which puzzled me a bit. I walked slowly over to the door situated in the back of the office, tapping on it lightly.
“Come in,” the voice on the other side roared.
I pushed the door open. Cole looked up from a stack of pictures on his desk, his eyes widened as he quickly tried to cover the pictures with some paperwork.
“Adeline, what are you doing here? How’d you get on base?”
“Stella.”
He stood and came around from behind his desk. “Let’s go outside,” he said, trying to escort me out of the office.
I pushed back. I was tired of being pushed around. “No. I don’t want to have this conversation outside, or tomorrow, or the next day, or next year, and since you won’t come home, I have to come to you,” I replied angrily.
My anger seemed to be fueling something in him that I wasn’t quite prepared for. He backed up and leaned on the edge of his desk. “I’m at work, Adeline, and I don’t have time for any of this. I don’t have time for all of you crazy women in my life anymore,” he said, crossing his arms.
“You crazy women? Why am I being thrown in the bunch? Because I lost my fiancé and I didn’t want to talk about something right when you wanted to talk about it?”
“You act like I was asking you about fuckin’ tomatoes at the grocery store. I was tellin’ you how I felt about you and you were thinking of another man. You fuckin’ women are always thinking about another man.”
I shook my head a little confused. “That’s―”
“That’s what? That’s never how it is, is it?” he asked in a taut voice.
His tone was something I was not used to, but I was determined to speak my piece. I placed my hands on his chest to keep him from walking away from me.
“Will you shut the fuck up and listen to me?” I yelled. “I’m tired of all of you people thinking I’m so fragile and meek. I’m tired of all of it too, you know. This shit ain’t easy for me, either. So fuckin’ excuse me if I don’t have some sort of handbook to get me through this.”
He didn’t reply, except for his eyes widening at my tone.
I kept on, “You didn’t give me a chance to talk to you yesterday. You just left and never came back. The last couple of days have been a real eye opener for me. I’ve tried to process. I’ve realized that not having you in my life is something I’m not okay with. I found out a few things about Ezra, and I realized that what I thought I always wanted was not what I actually needed.”
“What does any of this mean to me?” he asked with an attitude.
“I’m trying to say that I need you,” I replied softly.
“Fuck that! I don’t want to be needed, Adeline, don’t you get it? I need health insurance, I need dental insurance, and I need a paycheck to pay my fuckin’ bills. Those are needs. I want to be fuckin’ wanted. I want to be fuckin’ loved.
I slammed my palm on the desk, my anger swirling around the office like a tornado. I felt like I was having an out of body experience, watching myself act like a caged animal, unable to stop my blood from boiling over.
I should have more control. I am a fuckin’ SEAL…God dammit!
I smacked my palm to the wall, utterly and undeniably pissed off. I turned back to the pictures, focusing my sights on the background, realizing it had been taken in my bedroom.
THE MESSENGER
ADELINE
I didn’t say anything. I was too nervous, trying to think of what I was going to say. Stella drove onto base and parked right in front of Cole's office.
“I’ll be right out here,” she said, patting my knee.
I jumped out of the car and hurried up the stairs to the main entrance. The minute I walked through the door, I saw Elijah doing paperwork at his desk. He stood up.
“Adeline, what are you doing here?”
“Where is he, Elijah?”
“He’s in the back. I’ll go get him.”
“No, I’ll go back there.”
He nodded, his face a little anxious, which puzzled me a bit. I walked slowly over to the door situated in the back of the office, tapping on it lightly.
“Come in,” the voice on the other side roared.
I pushed the door open. Cole looked up from a stack of pictures on his desk, his eyes widened as he quickly tried to cover the pictures with some paperwork.
“Adeline, what are you doing here? How’d you get on base?”
“Stella.”
He stood and came around from behind his desk. “Let’s go outside,” he said, trying to escort me out of the office.
I pushed back. I was tired of being pushed around. “No. I don’t want to have this conversation outside, or tomorrow, or the next day, or next year, and since you won’t come home, I have to come to you,” I replied angrily.
My anger seemed to be fueling something in him that I wasn’t quite prepared for. He backed up and leaned on the edge of his desk. “I’m at work, Adeline, and I don’t have time for any of this. I don’t have time for all of you crazy women in my life anymore,” he said, crossing his arms.
“You crazy women? Why am I being thrown in the bunch? Because I lost my fiancé and I didn’t want to talk about something right when you wanted to talk about it?”
“You act like I was asking you about fuckin’ tomatoes at the grocery store. I was tellin’ you how I felt about you and you were thinking of another man. You fuckin’ women are always thinking about another man.”
I shook my head a little confused. “That’s―”
“That’s what? That’s never how it is, is it?” he asked in a taut voice.
His tone was something I was not used to, but I was determined to speak my piece. I placed my hands on his chest to keep him from walking away from me.
“Will you shut the fuck up and listen to me?” I yelled. “I’m tired of all of you people thinking I’m so fragile and meek. I’m tired of all of it too, you know. This shit ain’t easy for me, either. So fuckin’ excuse me if I don’t have some sort of handbook to get me through this.”
He didn’t reply, except for his eyes widening at my tone.
I kept on, “You didn’t give me a chance to talk to you yesterday. You just left and never came back. The last couple of days have been a real eye opener for me. I’ve tried to process. I’ve realized that not having you in my life is something I’m not okay with. I found out a few things about Ezra, and I realized that what I thought I always wanted was not what I actually needed.”
“What does any of this mean to me?” he asked with an attitude.
“I’m trying to say that I need you,” I replied softly.
“Fuck that! I don’t want to be needed, Adeline, don’t you get it? I need health insurance, I need dental insurance, and I need a paycheck to pay my fuckin’ bills. Those are needs. I want to be fuckin’ wanted. I want to be fuckin’ loved.
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