Absolute Surrender by Jenn LeBlanc Page B

alone.
    Amelia didn ’ t wait. She turned for the door to the parlor and left as quickly as she could. She watched the door to her father ’ s study as she traversed the entry, knew Charles was in there, knew he was asking her father to court her, knew he was neither here, nor there. Knew not what to think of the situation.
    It wasn ’ t good or bad . It wasn ’ t yes or no . It wasn ’ t an answer . It left her hanging, and she hated that more than anything, the not knowing. She would prefer that he decline and walk away. This...this nothingness of unknowing would be her undoing.
    She heard the shoes hit the hardwood at the edge of the rug and realized much too late that the door was about to open.
    When Charles emerged, he caught her eye, smiled easily and nodded. As though he had no idea what he had done to her—and he didn ’ t, did he? She turned and ran up the stairs as if that smile had teeth and planned to nip at her ankles like a shepherd. She had to get away from him before she ruined everything. She could feel the pull of her composure, did not have the strength to hold herself together any longer. The morning had quite thoroughly exhausted her. When she hit the landing, she lifted her skirts and she ran.
    She flung herself through the door to her sitting room, so brimming with colorful boxes there wasn ’ t anywhere to sit. The reticule would have lived here, in one of these boxes, waiting for her attention. The handkerchief would live here. She would need a new box, one specifically for Charles. Until then, she needed someplace safe to keep it. Amelia knew she whimpered at the thought, and she tugged at her skirts and moved through the boxes.
    Finally, she flung herself into her room and tore at her clothes. She needed…what did she need? She needed more air. She needed to be free from the constraints of her clothes at the very least. She needed her blasted nipples to be away from this corset. After that, she wasn ’ t sure. She was sure that she would know precisely what it was she needed as soon as she was free from these stays. She screamed, and Louisa ran through the connecting door to her bath.
    “Oh, milady, please, let me help you.”
    Amelia sobbed and pulled at her gown, even as Louisa batted her hands away. Amelia knew she was hindering the process but couldn ’ t seem to keep her hands out of the way. Her head spun. Her heart beat a tattoo strong enough to send a battalion to war. “Louisa…Louisa!”
    “Yes, yes, milady, here we go, here now!”
    The dress fell away, and the stays followed, and Louisa threw a large blanket around her. Amelia pressed her forearms against her chest as Louisa guided her to the bed, stretching her out and tucking her in.
    Why did she have to suffer so? He ’ d still spoken with her father, hadn ’ t he? But perhaps he had spoken with him to cry off. Perhaps it hadn ’ t been to ask to court her. Perhaps he ’ d said that only to distract her so he could take his leave peacefully. Perhaps he’d finally seen through everything she attempted to be and could now see what she truly was. Unworthy. A mess.
    But he threw my reticule into the pond.
    Yes, but he also kissed me then spoke of Hugh.
    Yes, but he also made me laugh, at great difficulty.
    Yes, but he did not offer for me.
    Yes, but he did speak with my father, regardless of what happened in the carriage.
    Or…possibly because of it? But I behaved terribly.
    Yes, but he didn ’ t seem to mind that as much as wish to discover it.
    Yes, but he left…
    Yes, but he threw my reticule into the pond.
    He threw my reticule into the pond.
    She closed her eyes tightly as her mind spun around the events.
    Louisa ’ s hands were on her back, kneading and rolling, attempting to soothe.
    “Tell me, sweet child, tell me what has you in a bind,” Louisa begged.
    “He said possibly,” she croaked, and then it was all crystal clear, and she was up from the confines of her blanket and her bed in an instant. “He