A Wild Ride by Andrew Grey

together, really kinky things, because that was what he loved. Unfortunately I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, and a few times I… hurt him. Things went further than I intended because I had no control. The thing was, Benjamin, Benji, didn’t mind; in fact, he loved it. But I wasn’t comfortable.” Ryan felt his hand shaking and he clutched the beam a little tighter. “Things were getting out of control, and I got the bright idea of trying to scare Benji off the things we were doing, so I found an article on auto-erotic asphyxiation. Basically, you choke yourself when you’re coming to heighten the rush. It’s extreme, and the article contained pictures and everything.”
    Dante shuffled to his feet and moved closer. “That doesn’t sound like dialing things back.”
    “Yeah, but Benji was all for everything. I found out that because I wouldn’t do what he wanted, he was seeing someone else… and I loved him.” Ryan shook his head slowly. “The thing was, I thought an article on people dying because they were doing kinky stuff would make him see what he was doing. But it didn’t. Instead, it gave him ideas, and a week later I came home from class and found him half hanging from the upper bed in his room. When I got there he was still alive.”
    “Jesus,” Dante whispered.
    “Yeah. I got him down and called for help, but by the time anyone arrived, his eyes had rolled back in his head. We tried CPR, but his windpipe was crushed and there was nothing any of us could do. The school classified it as a suicide, and so did Benji’s parents. But I saw the fact that his pants were around his ankles and I knew what he’d been trying to do.”
    “But that wasn’t your fault,” Dante said. “You didn’t know he was going to try that.”
    “I should have. He tried everything. Anyway, after that I stayed away and kept to myself. The sex I have had since then has been ‘normal’, and I vowed to keep it that way.”
    “But you are who you are,” Dante said.
    “Yeah, and I was doing fine until I walked into that bar and saw you. The way you looked at me and your body language screamed out to me what you needed. And I wanted it.” Ryan shook off the regret about things he couldn’t change now. “I wanted you. So you see, I’m scared too, and I don’t have all the answers either. I’ve also read and learned a lot about myself and what it is that I want out of a relationship.” Ryan closed his eyes. “I don’t have all the answers and I probably have only a few more than you do, but I know what I want now and I’m willing to admit what I need. Are you?”
    Dante held Ryan’s gaze for a few seconds before turning away. “That’s easy for you, you’re the….”
    Ryan spun Dante around. “If you say ‘man’, I’m going to smack you,” Ryan told him firmly. “I don’t date women. I love them, but they hold no interest for me that way. I date and love men, period. So get rid of that notion,” Ryan said strongly to make his point. He waited without moving a muscle. Dante squirmed slightly under his gaze, but Ryan kept still and waited. This was the moment when Dante had to choose. He could run, and Ryan knew he’d move on, never bringing the subject up again, or Dante would accept what he needed and ask for it.
    “Ryan, I—” Dante said a bit shakily, and then his expression cleared and he straightened. Ryan knew in that moment that Dante had made up his mind. “I want this,” Dante said.
    Ryan closed the gap between them, encircling Dante in his arms and then kissing him hard. Dante almost immediately opened for him, and Ryan surged his tongue into Dante’s mouth, tasting him. He cupped the back of Dante’s head and kissed him hard. Dante shivered in his arms, and Ryan kissed him again, harder, more urgently, and the tiny vibrations that worked through Dante’s body became more pronounced, driving Ryan’s desire. He wanted this man so damn bad he could barely think, but he had