edge. I get up off the floor. 'I'm going upstairs to call
my mum,' I say.
The bed is still warm. I pull the duvet over my knees
and open my mobile. When I blurt out what has
happened, there is a moment of shocked silence. 'You
mean he tried to kill himself?' Her voice is shrill with
horror. She wants to drive down from Manchester to
fetch me. I tell her I'm not going anywhere until I know
what's happening to Flynn. She sounds angry although
I can't figure out why. I try and explain the situation to
her but she doesn't seem to want to understand. 'Who are these people?' she keeps on asking. 'What's wrong with Flynn?' I know it's only out of concern for me, but
she makes me want to scream.
Later, Sophie comes upstairs to tell me that Rami called.
There is no news. Flynn is still unconscious. He is in
intensive care. She asks me if I want some company,
whether I want to come downstairs and have something
to eat. I decline and she leaves.
The hours pass. I lose track of time. Eventually I
wander downstairs and play listlessly with Aurora while
Sophie prepares a meal in the kitchen. I try to keep my
mind a blank. Sometime in the afternoon, as dusk
creeps across the windows, the phone suddenly starts to
ring. Sophie has the blender on and cannot hear from
the kitchen. I am playing roll-the-ball with Aurora, and
for a moment I sit paralysed, unable to move.
'Hello?'
'Jennah, it's Rami. Flynn's OK. He's in intensive care
but he's OK. He's breathing on his own and his heart is
strong but they're not expecting him to come round for
quite a while. I'm going to bring my parents home now
and then I'll take you back to the hospital to see him.'
When they come in, Matias is leaning on Rami's arm.
Their faces look ashen. Maria's eyes are glazed. Sophie
relieves me of Aurora and puts the kettle on, baby on
hip. Rami helps his father into a chair and looks across
at me. 'Shall I take you over?'
'Wait.' Sophie puts her hand on his arm. 'Sit down
and have a sandwich and a cup of tea before you go anywhere.'
She pushes him into a chair and puts the baby
on his lap. Then she takes the turkey leftovers out of the
fridge and starts carving. 'Everyone must eat,' she says
firmly.
I force myself upright and join her at the counter to
help. We make a sandwich for each person and then sit
round the table, trying to consume them. The silence is
deafening. Nobody seems to have the strength to talk.
'Right,' Rami says finally, draining his cup. 'Jennah?'
I get up, grab my bag and follow him to the door.
'Drive carefully,' Sophie calls after us.
We drive to the hospital in silence. Rami's thumbs
drum against the steering wheel whenever we stop at a
red light. We enter the hospital through the car park
and take a lift to the very top floor. As the doors ping
closed behind us, Rami looks at me and says, 'There are
a lot of wires and monitors, Jen.'
'OK. But he's breathing on his own, right?'
Rami nods.
We follow a long, brightly lit corridor till we reach
some double doors at the end. Rami presses a buzzer
and a nurse in surgical clothes comes to greet us. We
leave our coats and bags in a small room and wash our
hands with antiseptic soap before being led down a ward
filled with a strong medicinal smell. It is very warm. I try
not to look to my left or right. From the edge of my
vision I am aware of rows of beds, each surrounded by a
plethora of bleeping, sucking, humming machines. And
at the centre of each, a human being, hovering on the
brink of life.
The nurse breaks away from us and veers off towards
a bed on the right. 'Here we are,' Rami says softly. I am
vaguely aware of his hand reaching for mine, holding it
tight. We approach a bed. The first thing I notice is a
shock of blond hair. Flynn's skin is completely white. His
lips are stretched out to accommodate a large plastic
contraption in his mouth. There are tubes up his nose.
Both arms are attached to drips, a crisscrossing of
surgical tape securing the plastic tubes in the crook
my mum,' I say.
The bed is still warm. I pull the duvet over my knees
and open my mobile. When I blurt out what has
happened, there is a moment of shocked silence. 'You
mean he tried to kill himself?' Her voice is shrill with
horror. She wants to drive down from Manchester to
fetch me. I tell her I'm not going anywhere until I know
what's happening to Flynn. She sounds angry although
I can't figure out why. I try and explain the situation to
her but she doesn't seem to want to understand. 'Who are these people?' she keeps on asking. 'What's wrong with Flynn?' I know it's only out of concern for me, but
she makes me want to scream.
Later, Sophie comes upstairs to tell me that Rami called.
There is no news. Flynn is still unconscious. He is in
intensive care. She asks me if I want some company,
whether I want to come downstairs and have something
to eat. I decline and she leaves.
The hours pass. I lose track of time. Eventually I
wander downstairs and play listlessly with Aurora while
Sophie prepares a meal in the kitchen. I try to keep my
mind a blank. Sometime in the afternoon, as dusk
creeps across the windows, the phone suddenly starts to
ring. Sophie has the blender on and cannot hear from
the kitchen. I am playing roll-the-ball with Aurora, and
for a moment I sit paralysed, unable to move.
'Hello?'
'Jennah, it's Rami. Flynn's OK. He's in intensive care
but he's OK. He's breathing on his own and his heart is
strong but they're not expecting him to come round for
quite a while. I'm going to bring my parents home now
and then I'll take you back to the hospital to see him.'
When they come in, Matias is leaning on Rami's arm.
Their faces look ashen. Maria's eyes are glazed. Sophie
relieves me of Aurora and puts the kettle on, baby on
hip. Rami helps his father into a chair and looks across
at me. 'Shall I take you over?'
'Wait.' Sophie puts her hand on his arm. 'Sit down
and have a sandwich and a cup of tea before you go anywhere.'
She pushes him into a chair and puts the baby
on his lap. Then she takes the turkey leftovers out of the
fridge and starts carving. 'Everyone must eat,' she says
firmly.
I force myself upright and join her at the counter to
help. We make a sandwich for each person and then sit
round the table, trying to consume them. The silence is
deafening. Nobody seems to have the strength to talk.
'Right,' Rami says finally, draining his cup. 'Jennah?'
I get up, grab my bag and follow him to the door.
'Drive carefully,' Sophie calls after us.
We drive to the hospital in silence. Rami's thumbs
drum against the steering wheel whenever we stop at a
red light. We enter the hospital through the car park
and take a lift to the very top floor. As the doors ping
closed behind us, Rami looks at me and says, 'There are
a lot of wires and monitors, Jen.'
'OK. But he's breathing on his own, right?'
Rami nods.
We follow a long, brightly lit corridor till we reach
some double doors at the end. Rami presses a buzzer
and a nurse in surgical clothes comes to greet us. We
leave our coats and bags in a small room and wash our
hands with antiseptic soap before being led down a ward
filled with a strong medicinal smell. It is very warm. I try
not to look to my left or right. From the edge of my
vision I am aware of rows of beds, each surrounded by a
plethora of bleeping, sucking, humming machines. And
at the centre of each, a human being, hovering on the
brink of life.
The nurse breaks away from us and veers off towards
a bed on the right. 'Here we are,' Rami says softly. I am
vaguely aware of his hand reaching for mine, holding it
tight. We approach a bed. The first thing I notice is a
shock of blond hair. Flynn's skin is completely white. His
lips are stretched out to accommodate a large plastic
contraption in his mouth. There are tubes up his nose.
Both arms are attached to drips, a crisscrossing of
surgical tape securing the plastic tubes in the crook
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