Jackie insisted. “Tony, please—”
“Hear me out. You’re sweet and Marten’s a lucky guy to have you. I’ve enjoyed our evenings, but… You two don’t need me. Eventually you’d have gotten bored of the whole thing anyway.”
Jackie cleared her throat, something wet and uncomfortable lodged there like a goddamn hairball. “You don’t know that.” She couldn’t admit having thought the same thing last night. “The address of the restaurant is—”
“Jackie, you’re not hearing me.”
“It’s—”
“Jackie…”
She parroted the address anyway, despite his protests and his sighs and the tension she could hear in his voice. If he wanted to end the call, he was welcome to, but Jackie couldn’t just give up. She didn’t have it in her. “We’ll be there at eight,” she finished by saying. Silence greeted her on the other end. “Tony?”
“Yeah. I’m here.” He let out a long-suffering exhale. “Sounds busy over there.”
Phones were ringing off the hook and sixteen more emails had assaulted her inbox since she’d picked up. He wasn’t wrong. Jackie chuckled mirthlessly. “A day in the life of your average copy-editor… For what it’s worth, I just want you to know I’m really sorry about last night.”
“I know.”
“You’re still not coming tonight.”
Tony kept silent on the subject. “I’ll let you get back to work.”
Jackie turned away from the office floor to face the wall. Her voice dipped low. “And if… And if I ordered you to come?” In different circumstances, Tony’s breath would have caught because he was excited. Jackie recognised the sound, but they weren’t in bed together and here, now, she couldn’t mistake it for arousal.
“I can’t believe you brought that up.” He sounded hoarse, his throat rough and used as if he’d been shouting for a very long time without anyone listening. He sounded shocked, disappointed. Hurt .
Guilt swarmed. Jackie bit it back. “I didn’t mean it like that—” He was the one who sometimes called her ma’am, who talked about D/s like it was nothing. How was she supposed to know what he needed to hear from them?
In the end, it didn’t matter.
“Goodbye, Jackie.” The call dropped with a click. It used to be that the dial tone would follow, but those days were gone. Modernity meant there was nothing between Jackie and complete, unforgiving silence.
She swallowed back a sob. She’d never cried at work before and she wasn’t about to start now.
Marten picked up on the second ring. “You sound awful,” he noted without pussyfooting around the point. “What’s wrong?”
“I talked to Tony.”
“Yeah? How did it go?”
Jackie sniffed. “I think we should cancel tonight.”
“That good, huh?” Marten sighed. “I’ll take the afternoon off. Let’s go for a walk.”
“Are you breaking up with me, too?” It wasn’t the same and she knew she was an awful person for even drawing the comparison, but there was no helping that it felt the same. Loving Marten and being with Tony were two sides of the same coin.
“Never,” Marten said, infusing the words with certainty. She believed him. She wanted to believe him. “I just think we need to have a talk about what we’re doing here. With or without Tony. Jackie, I can’t… I’m in love with you, I want a family with you—”
“Me too!” Heads turned around the office, but Jackie ignored them.
“But then Tony comes along and I find that… Well, I want what we have with him, too. And I don’t really know how to handle that.”
At least they were in the same mess together, Jackie mused sardonically. “I can’t leave early,” was what she said. “We’re understaffed today. Clara called in sick.” Probably, she couldn’t help think, to be with Tony in his hour of need.
Marten wasn’t so easily deterred. “Then I’ll hang around the office with you until you’re finished. I can staple things. I make a great cup of coffee.”
“How
“Hear me out. You’re sweet and Marten’s a lucky guy to have you. I’ve enjoyed our evenings, but… You two don’t need me. Eventually you’d have gotten bored of the whole thing anyway.”
Jackie cleared her throat, something wet and uncomfortable lodged there like a goddamn hairball. “You don’t know that.” She couldn’t admit having thought the same thing last night. “The address of the restaurant is—”
“Jackie, you’re not hearing me.”
“It’s—”
“Jackie…”
She parroted the address anyway, despite his protests and his sighs and the tension she could hear in his voice. If he wanted to end the call, he was welcome to, but Jackie couldn’t just give up. She didn’t have it in her. “We’ll be there at eight,” she finished by saying. Silence greeted her on the other end. “Tony?”
“Yeah. I’m here.” He let out a long-suffering exhale. “Sounds busy over there.”
Phones were ringing off the hook and sixteen more emails had assaulted her inbox since she’d picked up. He wasn’t wrong. Jackie chuckled mirthlessly. “A day in the life of your average copy-editor… For what it’s worth, I just want you to know I’m really sorry about last night.”
“I know.”
“You’re still not coming tonight.”
Tony kept silent on the subject. “I’ll let you get back to work.”
Jackie turned away from the office floor to face the wall. Her voice dipped low. “And if… And if I ordered you to come?” In different circumstances, Tony’s breath would have caught because he was excited. Jackie recognised the sound, but they weren’t in bed together and here, now, she couldn’t mistake it for arousal.
“I can’t believe you brought that up.” He sounded hoarse, his throat rough and used as if he’d been shouting for a very long time without anyone listening. He sounded shocked, disappointed. Hurt .
Guilt swarmed. Jackie bit it back. “I didn’t mean it like that—” He was the one who sometimes called her ma’am, who talked about D/s like it was nothing. How was she supposed to know what he needed to hear from them?
In the end, it didn’t matter.
“Goodbye, Jackie.” The call dropped with a click. It used to be that the dial tone would follow, but those days were gone. Modernity meant there was nothing between Jackie and complete, unforgiving silence.
She swallowed back a sob. She’d never cried at work before and she wasn’t about to start now.
Marten picked up on the second ring. “You sound awful,” he noted without pussyfooting around the point. “What’s wrong?”
“I talked to Tony.”
“Yeah? How did it go?”
Jackie sniffed. “I think we should cancel tonight.”
“That good, huh?” Marten sighed. “I’ll take the afternoon off. Let’s go for a walk.”
“Are you breaking up with me, too?” It wasn’t the same and she knew she was an awful person for even drawing the comparison, but there was no helping that it felt the same. Loving Marten and being with Tony were two sides of the same coin.
“Never,” Marten said, infusing the words with certainty. She believed him. She wanted to believe him. “I just think we need to have a talk about what we’re doing here. With or without Tony. Jackie, I can’t… I’m in love with you, I want a family with you—”
“Me too!” Heads turned around the office, but Jackie ignored them.
“But then Tony comes along and I find that… Well, I want what we have with him, too. And I don’t really know how to handle that.”
At least they were in the same mess together, Jackie mused sardonically. “I can’t leave early,” was what she said. “We’re understaffed today. Clara called in sick.” Probably, she couldn’t help think, to be with Tony in his hour of need.
Marten wasn’t so easily deterred. “Then I’ll hang around the office with you until you’re finished. I can staple things. I make a great cup of coffee.”
“How
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