bitterly.
‘And have you been out with anyone else?’
‘No. I’ve been too upset—I’ve lived like a monk; plus I’d been through enough pain with her and I didn’t want to risk any more with someone new.’ He stared at me. ‘But what about your life, Laura? Your marriage?’
My heart sank. I hate talking about Nick, but I wanted Luke to know exactly what had happened.
‘How did you meet?’ he asked.
‘At Radio 4.’ I had a large sip of water. ‘I’d set up an interview with him about the Sudan, and I politely chatted to him while he was waiting to go on air, and afterwards, to my surprise, he asked me out.’
‘When was this?’
‘Eleven years ago now. In the spring of ‘94.’
‘Not that long after we split up then.’
I pushed a piece of tempura round my plate. ‘That’s right.’
‘And were you in love with him?’
‘That’s a very direct question.’
‘I’m sorry. But I want to know. Were you?’
‘I think so. I mean—yes. Of course I was.’ I stared at the flickering tea-light in its glass holder.
‘You sound like Prince Charles with Diana.’
‘Look Luke, Nick was honourable and kind, and he was doing something worthwhile. Plus he was very keen on me, so, yes, I guess that…helped. Okay, he wasn’t exciting, like you were. But he was very interesting, and he was a good person. And I didn’t think that he’d hurt me.’ I gave him a bleak smile. ‘That seems rather ironic now.’
‘And didn’t you want kids?’ I shifted on my chair. ‘I know that’s a very direct question too—but I feel no barriers with you, Laura, just talking to you like this again.’ He gently took my left hand in both his and stroked the tips of my fingers. It made me feel almost faint with desire. ‘So…?’ He looked at me expectantly. ‘Didn’t you want a family? I’ve always imagined you with children.’
‘We never…got round to it.’ I withdrew my hand, then fiddled with my napkin. ‘We were both forging our careers. And then, well…you heard what happened. So that was that,’ I added bitterly.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘When exactly was it?’
‘On the first of January, 2002.’
‘So he did it on New Year’s Day? Just to add to your grief, I suppose.’
‘It was wonderful timing—you’re right. And of course it’s ruined every New Year’s Day since. A permanent reminder.’
‘I suppose what he did—’ he lowered his chopsticks—‘is just about the worst thing anyone can do to their partner.’ I nodded. ‘The pain that it leaves behind. And the questions I suppose. The unanswered questions…’
‘Oh yes,’ I said bitterly.
‘But you’re getting over it now?’
I thought of Nick’s stuff, buried in boxes.
‘I have laid his memory to rest.’
A silence descended. I glanced out of the window. People were scurrying by with umbrellas. Collars were upturned. I could hear the swish of wet tyres on the road.
‘And do you think there’s any chance he might ever…come back?’
I inhaled slowly. ‘That’s…highly unlikely.’
‘But it does happen sometimes.’ I looked at him. ‘I’m sure I read that somewhere.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s almost unknown. Especially after so long. If Nick was going to come back then he’d have done it a long time ago—probably within the first three months. That’s what the experts all say. They say that the longer a missing person has been away then the harder it is for them to return. I suppose they’re afraid they’ll be in serious trouble, because they know they’ve caused so much misery and stress.’
‘So he just…disappeared? Out of the blue?’
‘Into the blue, I often think. His car was found by the coast.’
‘And how did it happen? If you don’t mind talking about it?’
‘No. In fact I’d like to tell you.’ I had another sip of water. ‘We’d been on the London Eye. I thought it would be a nice thing to do on New Year’s morning. We’d had a
‘And have you been out with anyone else?’
‘No. I’ve been too upset—I’ve lived like a monk; plus I’d been through enough pain with her and I didn’t want to risk any more with someone new.’ He stared at me. ‘But what about your life, Laura? Your marriage?’
My heart sank. I hate talking about Nick, but I wanted Luke to know exactly what had happened.
‘How did you meet?’ he asked.
‘At Radio 4.’ I had a large sip of water. ‘I’d set up an interview with him about the Sudan, and I politely chatted to him while he was waiting to go on air, and afterwards, to my surprise, he asked me out.’
‘When was this?’
‘Eleven years ago now. In the spring of ‘94.’
‘Not that long after we split up then.’
I pushed a piece of tempura round my plate. ‘That’s right.’
‘And were you in love with him?’
‘That’s a very direct question.’
‘I’m sorry. But I want to know. Were you?’
‘I think so. I mean—yes. Of course I was.’ I stared at the flickering tea-light in its glass holder.
‘You sound like Prince Charles with Diana.’
‘Look Luke, Nick was honourable and kind, and he was doing something worthwhile. Plus he was very keen on me, so, yes, I guess that…helped. Okay, he wasn’t exciting, like you were. But he was very interesting, and he was a good person. And I didn’t think that he’d hurt me.’ I gave him a bleak smile. ‘That seems rather ironic now.’
‘And didn’t you want kids?’ I shifted on my chair. ‘I know that’s a very direct question too—but I feel no barriers with you, Laura, just talking to you like this again.’ He gently took my left hand in both his and stroked the tips of my fingers. It made me feel almost faint with desire. ‘So…?’ He looked at me expectantly. ‘Didn’t you want a family? I’ve always imagined you with children.’
‘We never…got round to it.’ I withdrew my hand, then fiddled with my napkin. ‘We were both forging our careers. And then, well…you heard what happened. So that was that,’ I added bitterly.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘When exactly was it?’
‘On the first of January, 2002.’
‘So he did it on New Year’s Day? Just to add to your grief, I suppose.’
‘It was wonderful timing—you’re right. And of course it’s ruined every New Year’s Day since. A permanent reminder.’
‘I suppose what he did—’ he lowered his chopsticks—‘is just about the worst thing anyone can do to their partner.’ I nodded. ‘The pain that it leaves behind. And the questions I suppose. The unanswered questions…’
‘Oh yes,’ I said bitterly.
‘But you’re getting over it now?’
I thought of Nick’s stuff, buried in boxes.
‘I have laid his memory to rest.’
A silence descended. I glanced out of the window. People were scurrying by with umbrellas. Collars were upturned. I could hear the swish of wet tyres on the road.
‘And do you think there’s any chance he might ever…come back?’
I inhaled slowly. ‘That’s…highly unlikely.’
‘But it does happen sometimes.’ I looked at him. ‘I’m sure I read that somewhere.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s almost unknown. Especially after so long. If Nick was going to come back then he’d have done it a long time ago—probably within the first three months. That’s what the experts all say. They say that the longer a missing person has been away then the harder it is for them to return. I suppose they’re afraid they’ll be in serious trouble, because they know they’ve caused so much misery and stress.’
‘So he just…disappeared? Out of the blue?’
‘Into the blue, I often think. His car was found by the coast.’
‘And how did it happen? If you don’t mind talking about it?’
‘No. In fact I’d like to tell you.’ I had another sip of water. ‘We’d been on the London Eye. I thought it would be a nice thing to do on New Year’s morning. We’d had a
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