and they have to have this special alfalfa hay and these mineral salts which it was now my job, apparently, to procure. Anyway, at weekends Magda would take off to these agricultural shows with them—she’d got this little trailer. And I’d find a note on the kitchen table saying that she’d be away all weekend at some county jamboree or other and could I look after Jess. We had flaming rows about it. The next thing I knew she was packing her bags.
‘I tried to stop her, because of Jess—I was distraught. I wondered about applying for a residence order, given Magda’s eccentric behaviour, but a legal fight would have been too destructive—not to say expensive—plus I was worried that it would upset Jess.’
‘So have you started proceedings?’
‘Not yet—there’s been no particular reason to—and it would distress Jessica. The terrible thing is that she thinks it’s her fault. She’s got this idea that if she’d been “better”, then her mum and I would never have split up.’
‘Poor little thing.’
‘I know. I keep telling her it’s not true—that she’s a good little girl, and that these things just happen.’ He shook his head. ‘But she can’t work it out. Sometimes, when she’s with me, and it’s her bedtime, she says her prayers. And she always ends by praying that her mum and dad will live together again.’ He looked away. ‘It breaks my heart.’
‘So…where do she and your ex live now?’
‘In Chiswick, in the house Magda owned before she met me—it had been let. The garden’s bigger than mine so the goats are happy, and it’s not too far away. I pay the mortgage on it and all the bills, and Jessica’s school fees…’
‘Doesn’t Magda work?’
‘No. She used to be an interpreter—she was well-paid—but she won’t do it any more.’
‘That’s tough for you.’
‘I know. Luckily the gallery’s been doing okay. I just managed to hang on to Lonsdale Road with extra borrowing but money’s been tight. I’ve really had to duck and dive.’
I dipped a prawn dumpling into the soy sauce. ‘Which is why you wanted to get on the quiz?’
‘Partly—because, as I told you, I’ve got this place at the Slade. But I also did it because…well, I wanted to see you, Laura. I’d never ever forgotten you.’ He stroked the back of my hand. ‘I thought of you so often—particularly since hearing what had happened—and I’d like to believe that you thought of me too.’
‘I didn’t let myself,’ I said quietly. ‘I’d push you away. But you’d come back to me in my dreams.’
He smiled. ‘I knew you’d have dinner with me.’
‘Really? How could you be so sure?’
He nodded at my hands, clasped under my chin. ‘Because I saw that you were wearing my watch.’
I glanced at my left wrist. On it was the slim gold watch Luke had given me for my 21st. It had cost him the whole of that term’s grant.
‘Well,’ I shrugged. ‘I…like it…and…it would be silly to…waste it, wouldn’t it?’
Suddenly his mobile phone rang. He glanced at the screen, then winced. ‘Sorry, Laura. I’ll be right back.’ He went outside and, through the large plate glass window, I saw him standing on the damp pavement, beneath the street lamp, then slowly pacing back and forth. Once or twice he ran his left hand through his hair in an intense, frustrated way. Then I saw him snap shut his phone.
‘Childcare arrangements,’ he said, as he came back to the table, purse-lipped. ‘Magda was trying to suggest that her bloody boyfriend drop Jessica off tomorrow morning. She was only saying that to hurt me—silly cow. I told her I’d collect my daughter my self!’
‘And what’s the boyfriend like?’
‘He’s called Steve—he’s late thirties, an accountant—divorced with three teenagers. How he feels about goats I have no idea, but Magda misses no opportunity to tell me what a paragon he is and what a “marvellous stepfather,” he’d make,’ he added
‘I tried to stop her, because of Jess—I was distraught. I wondered about applying for a residence order, given Magda’s eccentric behaviour, but a legal fight would have been too destructive—not to say expensive—plus I was worried that it would upset Jess.’
‘So have you started proceedings?’
‘Not yet—there’s been no particular reason to—and it would distress Jessica. The terrible thing is that she thinks it’s her fault. She’s got this idea that if she’d been “better”, then her mum and I would never have split up.’
‘Poor little thing.’
‘I know. I keep telling her it’s not true—that she’s a good little girl, and that these things just happen.’ He shook his head. ‘But she can’t work it out. Sometimes, when she’s with me, and it’s her bedtime, she says her prayers. And she always ends by praying that her mum and dad will live together again.’ He looked away. ‘It breaks my heart.’
‘So…where do she and your ex live now?’
‘In Chiswick, in the house Magda owned before she met me—it had been let. The garden’s bigger than mine so the goats are happy, and it’s not too far away. I pay the mortgage on it and all the bills, and Jessica’s school fees…’
‘Doesn’t Magda work?’
‘No. She used to be an interpreter—she was well-paid—but she won’t do it any more.’
‘That’s tough for you.’
‘I know. Luckily the gallery’s been doing okay. I just managed to hang on to Lonsdale Road with extra borrowing but money’s been tight. I’ve really had to duck and dive.’
I dipped a prawn dumpling into the soy sauce. ‘Which is why you wanted to get on the quiz?’
‘Partly—because, as I told you, I’ve got this place at the Slade. But I also did it because…well, I wanted to see you, Laura. I’d never ever forgotten you.’ He stroked the back of my hand. ‘I thought of you so often—particularly since hearing what had happened—and I’d like to believe that you thought of me too.’
‘I didn’t let myself,’ I said quietly. ‘I’d push you away. But you’d come back to me in my dreams.’
He smiled. ‘I knew you’d have dinner with me.’
‘Really? How could you be so sure?’
He nodded at my hands, clasped under my chin. ‘Because I saw that you were wearing my watch.’
I glanced at my left wrist. On it was the slim gold watch Luke had given me for my 21st. It had cost him the whole of that term’s grant.
‘Well,’ I shrugged. ‘I…like it…and…it would be silly to…waste it, wouldn’t it?’
Suddenly his mobile phone rang. He glanced at the screen, then winced. ‘Sorry, Laura. I’ll be right back.’ He went outside and, through the large plate glass window, I saw him standing on the damp pavement, beneath the street lamp, then slowly pacing back and forth. Once or twice he ran his left hand through his hair in an intense, frustrated way. Then I saw him snap shut his phone.
‘Childcare arrangements,’ he said, as he came back to the table, purse-lipped. ‘Magda was trying to suggest that her bloody boyfriend drop Jessica off tomorrow morning. She was only saying that to hurt me—silly cow. I told her I’d collect my daughter my self!’
‘And what’s the boyfriend like?’
‘He’s called Steve—he’s late thirties, an accountant—divorced with three teenagers. How he feels about goats I have no idea, but Magda misses no opportunity to tell me what a paragon he is and what a “marvellous stepfather,” he’d make,’ he added
Similar Books
