Annabel lay down on the table, she was briefly furious with herself for having forgotten that she’d need to expose her belly. She was wearing a dress. If she’d thought about it properly, she would have worn a separate top and skirt so that she didn’t have to strip off altogether or flash her knickers.
The technician applied gel to Annabel’s abdomen.
‘This will be cold,’ she said.
It always was.
It had been a long time since Annabel’s first scan for Izzy but the memory of it came flooding back. Annabel had waited for that scan alone and she thought she would have to go through it alone too. Richard had called to say that he was really snowed under at work. Annabel had told him it didn’t matter. She could go through it without him. But she had been disappointed. Especially since it seemed that every other woman in that waiting room had someone to hold her hand. She began to wish she’d taken her mother up on her offer but Sarah would have had to make a two-hour journey to be there.
On that day, seventeen years before, Richard came rushing in at the last moment. He arrived just as Izzy materialised on the screen. A strong heartbeat. She was on her way.
‘There you go,’ the technician smiled, now. ‘That’s lovely.’
Annabel and Richard stared at the screen that showed their new baby curled like a fern waiting for the summer.
‘Everything is exactly as it should be.’
Izzy was still on dialysis when they got back to her hospital ward.
Annabel sat down on the chair next to her bed.
‘How did it go? Is it twins?’
‘It’s not twins,’ said Annabel.
‘Can you tell what it is?’
‘A baby?’
‘I mean, what flavour, Mum? Boy or girl.’
‘It’s a bit early.’ Annabel hesitated. She wasn’t sure whether Izzy really wanted to talk about this or not. Was she just being polite? Making conversation? ‘Do you want to see the pictures?’ Annabel asked.
‘Of course.’
Annabel fished them out of her bag and handed them over. Izzy turned the Polaroid-sized prints round and round as if trying to make head or tail of them.
‘It just looks like static, I know. But the baby is in there. That darker patch there. That’s its heart.’
‘Wow.’
It was a genuine, kind ‘wow’. Annabel was relieved.
‘Everything is as it should be, apparently. They think I’m about three and a half months along, which means the baby should be with us in January.’
‘That’s great.’
Izzy was still holding one of the scan pictures and peering at it intently. At least, that’s what Annabel thought at first. When she looked at her daughter again, she realised that Izzy was staring at the picture because she didn’t want to look at her mum. She was trying not to cry.
‘Oh Izzy! Sweetheart. What’s the matter? Don’t be sad!’
‘I’m not sad, Mum. I promise. I’m really happy. I’m crying because I’m glad that you’re having a baby. It will give you something to focus on, something to do when …’
When I’m gone. That was the end of the sentence. Izzy didn’t say it. Annabel wished she hadn’t heard it. Even if it was only in her head.
‘There will be plenty for you to do too!’ said Annabel, as brightly as she could manage. ‘Don’t think you’re going to get out of changing nappies.’
Izzy forced a smile.
‘I’d change nappies,’ she said.
‘Good. Hopefully your father will be persuaded this time round as well.’
‘Didn’t he change my nappies?’ Izzy asked.
‘If I shouted loud enough. He’d pretend he hadn’t noticed it needed doing. You could be smelling like a sewer and he’d swear you were fresh as a daisy.’
‘Mum, that’s gross,’ Izzy laughed.
The dark moment had passed just as the dialysis machine beeped to let them know that the cycle had finished. Annabel kept Izzy company while a nurse got her unhooked.
When they got back to the Great House, Annabel wanted to talk to Richard about her conversation with her daughter but at the same
The technician applied gel to Annabel’s abdomen.
‘This will be cold,’ she said.
It always was.
It had been a long time since Annabel’s first scan for Izzy but the memory of it came flooding back. Annabel had waited for that scan alone and she thought she would have to go through it alone too. Richard had called to say that he was really snowed under at work. Annabel had told him it didn’t matter. She could go through it without him. But she had been disappointed. Especially since it seemed that every other woman in that waiting room had someone to hold her hand. She began to wish she’d taken her mother up on her offer but Sarah would have had to make a two-hour journey to be there.
On that day, seventeen years before, Richard came rushing in at the last moment. He arrived just as Izzy materialised on the screen. A strong heartbeat. She was on her way.
‘There you go,’ the technician smiled, now. ‘That’s lovely.’
Annabel and Richard stared at the screen that showed their new baby curled like a fern waiting for the summer.
‘Everything is exactly as it should be.’
Izzy was still on dialysis when they got back to her hospital ward.
Annabel sat down on the chair next to her bed.
‘How did it go? Is it twins?’
‘It’s not twins,’ said Annabel.
‘Can you tell what it is?’
‘A baby?’
‘I mean, what flavour, Mum? Boy or girl.’
‘It’s a bit early.’ Annabel hesitated. She wasn’t sure whether Izzy really wanted to talk about this or not. Was she just being polite? Making conversation? ‘Do you want to see the pictures?’ Annabel asked.
‘Of course.’
Annabel fished them out of her bag and handed them over. Izzy turned the Polaroid-sized prints round and round as if trying to make head or tail of them.
‘It just looks like static, I know. But the baby is in there. That darker patch there. That’s its heart.’
‘Wow.’
It was a genuine, kind ‘wow’. Annabel was relieved.
‘Everything is as it should be, apparently. They think I’m about three and a half months along, which means the baby should be with us in January.’
‘That’s great.’
Izzy was still holding one of the scan pictures and peering at it intently. At least, that’s what Annabel thought at first. When she looked at her daughter again, she realised that Izzy was staring at the picture because she didn’t want to look at her mum. She was trying not to cry.
‘Oh Izzy! Sweetheart. What’s the matter? Don’t be sad!’
‘I’m not sad, Mum. I promise. I’m really happy. I’m crying because I’m glad that you’re having a baby. It will give you something to focus on, something to do when …’
When I’m gone. That was the end of the sentence. Izzy didn’t say it. Annabel wished she hadn’t heard it. Even if it was only in her head.
‘There will be plenty for you to do too!’ said Annabel, as brightly as she could manage. ‘Don’t think you’re going to get out of changing nappies.’
Izzy forced a smile.
‘I’d change nappies,’ she said.
‘Good. Hopefully your father will be persuaded this time round as well.’
‘Didn’t he change my nappies?’ Izzy asked.
‘If I shouted loud enough. He’d pretend he hadn’t noticed it needed doing. You could be smelling like a sewer and he’d swear you were fresh as a daisy.’
‘Mum, that’s gross,’ Izzy laughed.
The dark moment had passed just as the dialysis machine beeped to let them know that the cycle had finished. Annabel kept Izzy company while a nurse got her unhooked.
When they got back to the Great House, Annabel wanted to talk to Richard about her conversation with her daughter but at the same
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