school, where I was always trying to think of something to say to stop myself getting beaten up. With a name like Lucien Cumberbatch at a comprehensive school, well, you can imagine. Mind you, the bullying wasn’t half as bad for me as it was for my brother, Shirley.”
“Mr . Cumberbatch –”
“Did I mention that D olores, whom you met in reception, is my daughter? Skinny little thing, I can’t think where she gets it from. I’ve thought it could be from her great-uncle Silas’ side of the family. He was a human skeleton in a carnival freak show, until he started to put on weight. Dolores has hopes of being a makeup artist, but between you and me, I don’t think there’s much chance. I’m pinning my faith on her boyfriend, Sid. He’s a carpenter. Good, steady work. The world will always need chippies, in my opinion. Would you like a drink?”
“A coffee would be good,” I said, hoping the tirade was over. “Black. And strong.”
“I do have something a bit stronger than coffee,” he grinned, reaching into a drawer of his desk and producing a bottle of whisky and two glasses.
“It’s a bit early for that, isn’t it?”
“Every private detective, no matter how humble, should have a bottle of Bells in his office,” he replied, splashing whisky in the two glasses. “It makes me feel a little like Humphrey Bogart. No ice, I’m afraid. The fridge has packed up. Cheers.”
He grimaced as he swallowed, then looked at me.
“Confidentially, Mr. Braddock, I hate the stuff, but it’s good for the image. I once tried filling a bottle with Lipton Iced Tea, but it’s not the same. The client needs to smell the alcohol. Don’t you want yours?”
I raised the glass and downed it in one.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said.
“I rather doubt that, Mr . Cumberbatch.”
“ Don’t worry, I’m always dry when I work. And I do get results, trust me. Hard not to. This is an easy job, really. Following folks, taking pictures, making a few notes. A trained monkey could do it. Even you could do it. Whoops, that didn’t come out right. No offence.”
“None taken.”
He put the whisky and the two glasses back in the drawer and picked up a pen.
“So, Mr . Braddock. What can I do for you?”
I considered getting up and leaving. My marriage was going down the tubes and I was thinking of entrusting my problem s to this clown.
“Maybe this was a mistake, my coming here,” I said .
Cumberbatch held up a hand and took a deep breath.
“It’s the nerves, you see. I’m sorry, Mr . Braddock, it’s the nerves.”
His boisterous demeanour evaporated. His voice became quiet and slow.
“I’ve been in this business for over thirty years. It’s a long time. I’ve seen so many clients with failing marriages. It gets to you after a while. So I try to keep things upbeat, at least at the start. It’s a self-protection thing.”
“I see.”
“So now that I’ve taken a deep breath, why don’t you take one, then tell me why you’re here?”
I followed his advice.
I told him about my suspicions, about the phone calls and the anonymous notes. He listened with patience, enquired diplomatically why I had not contacted the police about the poison pen, and looked understanding when I explained. I gave him photographs of Claire and of Jack taken from our family scrapbook and he jotted down details, addresses and dates.
Cumberbatch would perform some discreet surveillance over the next few weeks. Then he would take a train to London and see what transpired at the Imperial Hotel.
I felt strangely reassured. God alone knew why.
I shook hands with the odd little man and signalled goodbye to his daughter.
As I left Cumberbatch’s office, I saw the rain had stopped and a bright grey light was filtering through the clouds. Over the skyline of the city, a rainbow shimmered.
My fanciful mind , tripping for a moment on mythology, thought that maybe it was Bifröst, the rainbow bridge between Asgard and
“Mr . Cumberbatch –”
“Did I mention that D olores, whom you met in reception, is my daughter? Skinny little thing, I can’t think where she gets it from. I’ve thought it could be from her great-uncle Silas’ side of the family. He was a human skeleton in a carnival freak show, until he started to put on weight. Dolores has hopes of being a makeup artist, but between you and me, I don’t think there’s much chance. I’m pinning my faith on her boyfriend, Sid. He’s a carpenter. Good, steady work. The world will always need chippies, in my opinion. Would you like a drink?”
“A coffee would be good,” I said, hoping the tirade was over. “Black. And strong.”
“I do have something a bit stronger than coffee,” he grinned, reaching into a drawer of his desk and producing a bottle of whisky and two glasses.
“It’s a bit early for that, isn’t it?”
“Every private detective, no matter how humble, should have a bottle of Bells in his office,” he replied, splashing whisky in the two glasses. “It makes me feel a little like Humphrey Bogart. No ice, I’m afraid. The fridge has packed up. Cheers.”
He grimaced as he swallowed, then looked at me.
“Confidentially, Mr. Braddock, I hate the stuff, but it’s good for the image. I once tried filling a bottle with Lipton Iced Tea, but it’s not the same. The client needs to smell the alcohol. Don’t you want yours?”
I raised the glass and downed it in one.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said.
“I rather doubt that, Mr . Cumberbatch.”
“ Don’t worry, I’m always dry when I work. And I do get results, trust me. Hard not to. This is an easy job, really. Following folks, taking pictures, making a few notes. A trained monkey could do it. Even you could do it. Whoops, that didn’t come out right. No offence.”
“None taken.”
He put the whisky and the two glasses back in the drawer and picked up a pen.
“So, Mr . Braddock. What can I do for you?”
I considered getting up and leaving. My marriage was going down the tubes and I was thinking of entrusting my problem s to this clown.
“Maybe this was a mistake, my coming here,” I said .
Cumberbatch held up a hand and took a deep breath.
“It’s the nerves, you see. I’m sorry, Mr . Braddock, it’s the nerves.”
His boisterous demeanour evaporated. His voice became quiet and slow.
“I’ve been in this business for over thirty years. It’s a long time. I’ve seen so many clients with failing marriages. It gets to you after a while. So I try to keep things upbeat, at least at the start. It’s a self-protection thing.”
“I see.”
“So now that I’ve taken a deep breath, why don’t you take one, then tell me why you’re here?”
I followed his advice.
I told him about my suspicions, about the phone calls and the anonymous notes. He listened with patience, enquired diplomatically why I had not contacted the police about the poison pen, and looked understanding when I explained. I gave him photographs of Claire and of Jack taken from our family scrapbook and he jotted down details, addresses and dates.
Cumberbatch would perform some discreet surveillance over the next few weeks. Then he would take a train to London and see what transpired at the Imperial Hotel.
I felt strangely reassured. God alone knew why.
I shook hands with the odd little man and signalled goodbye to his daughter.
As I left Cumberbatch’s office, I saw the rain had stopped and a bright grey light was filtering through the clouds. Over the skyline of the city, a rainbow shimmered.
My fanciful mind , tripping for a moment on mythology, thought that maybe it was Bifröst, the rainbow bridge between Asgard and
Similar Books
