A Mile Down by David Vann

the area but received no response.
    I put the engines in gear and tried steering with them on our previous heading, giving the starboard engine more thrust when I wanted to turn to port, and vice-versa. It worked a bit.
    The crew were watching me. “That’s crazy,” Matt finally said. “You can’t keep going without a rudder.”
    â€œWe can steer with the engines,” I said.
    â€œMaybe you can,” Nick said. “But not us.”
    They were right, of course. It was crazy. I couldn’t steer all the way to Casablanca myself, without help. At slow speed, it would take more than a day to get there, maybe longer. And then, as I was thinking these things, distracted, the boat went into a spin.
    â€œOkay,” I said. “You’re right. It doesn’t make sense to try to steer without a rudder in seas.”
    â€œRight-o, then,” Nick said in his fake British accent. “At least we’ve established that.”
    Everyone grinned. I put the engines back in neutral, then left the helm for the Inmarsat-C station in the main salon. I sent a distress message saying we were disabled, without a rudder, and in need of assistance. Then I returned to the radio.
    The German captain was planning to go into the port of Kinitra at daylight, in just an hour or so, to pick up cargo.
    â€œI need you to stay here,” I said. “We need assistance. We can’t make way consistently in the same direction without our rudder.”
    â€œI’ll be in radio contact,” he said. “I am proceeding now to Kinitra. I will continue to try to reach the Moroccan Coast Guard for you on short, medium, and high frequency radio.”
    He was leaving us. “You’re required by international law to stay and provide assistance,” I said. “I have reported the name of your vessel, the Birgit Sabban , by Inmarsat-C, and I expect you to remain here.”
    There was some delay after this. “Okay,” he finally said. “We will remain here with you until daylight and then attempt a tow.” I thanked him and we waited for daylight.
    As we waited, however, the wind and seas kept increasing. The wind was over forty knots and the seas fifteen to eighteen feet. I was using the engines to try to keep our bow into the waves, but I also couldn’t stray too far from the German ship and I couldn’t keep us straight anyway. Every time we went broadside to the waves we rolled hideously. The waves were a bit too small to be able to capsize us by rolling us over, but it felt close.
    The German captain raised the Moroccan Coast Guard on medium wave radio, but the Moroccans couldn’t send out any boats because of the rough weather. All they could offer was a helicopter with a diver, if we wanted to abandon ship. This option would be possible only during daylight.
    â€œWe need a tow,” I told the German captain. “We need a very long bridle with a shackle, and we need a tow line long enough that it will be submerged to absorb shock. We’re over a hundred tons.”
    â€œDo you have this tow line?” he asked.
    â€œNo,” I said. “Nothing long enough or heavy enough.”
    â€œWell, I don’t have this equipment either.”
    â€œYou have long dock lines that are thick enough,” I said. “Give us one of those for a bridle, and a shackle if you have it, and then make several lines into a long towline to tie onto it.”
    â€œWe will see what we have,” he said.
    Daylight was a dull metallic color in this weather. The German ship was green and 300 feet long. It made a slow circle and passed in front of us, into the wind and waves.
    â€œI am limited in maneuverability,” the captain said. “I can only make a track into the wind and you will have to bring your bow up to my stern.”
    â€œI have no rudder,” I said.
    â€œThis is all I can do, or I will not have control in these seas.”
    So I used