for yourself, you’re not ready to move on either.”
He stands up, kisses me long on the top of my head, and walks out the door. He’s one hundred percent right. I didn’t even stand up for myself just now and fight for the man I thought I loved. That’s it, karma, you fucking bitch, I’m done with you. I’ve paid my dues. Fuck you. I’m angry. I’m angry at him for not standing by me, I’m angry with myself for putting up with everyone else’s bullshit for so long, and I’m angry so that I don’t have to hurt. I gather my things, and leave. No tears. I’m done with it all. Fuck men, and the fucking horses they rode in on. They all thought I was weak; well, I’ve just grown a backbone of steel. I feel a false sense of calm and strength, like I’m standing a few inches taller. Yup, fuck them all .
Chapter 9
“You don’t look right, Mel. You’re freaking me out.”
Katie is watching me clean the house for the second time in three days. I’ve scrubbed my house from top to bottom over and over again. It feels good to have my hands busy. I’ve never really done much of this before, having had a housekeeper, but I’m determined to reclaim my life. My boys are a bit worried, too. They haven’t asked about Caleb, but they know something’s up. I’ve been home and awake early everyday. I’ve packed lunches, and ironed their clothes. I go for a run, which I hate, every afternoon. I’m determined not to cry over one more man in my life except for my sons. I want them to see their mother as strong and independent, not someone else’s fool. I’ve lost more weight and gained muscle tone as well. Fuck Caleb. I don’t need his help; I can do it on my own.
“I’m fine, Katie. This helps me feel better. I haven’t had a house this clean in years. Our housekeepers sucked but I never had the guts to tell them. It feels so good to have a little control in my life.”
“A little control is fine, but you have turned into Melanie the Robot. Where’s my carefree, sweet southern belle gone?”
“I’m here, but that soft outer layer is gone; too easy to be penetrated by bad stuff. I sat back for too long, and was a passive participant in my own life. Not anymore, Kat. I deserve better. I realize that now. Men can wait; it’s all about my kids and me. “
“Well, I agree about letting people take advantage, you’re too nice, but life is short, Mel. You need and deserve love, too. Don’t become so bitter that you lose sight of that. You and Caleb have been broken up for weeks now, and I haven’t seen you cry once. It’s not natural.”
“Caleb wasn’t right for me. I thought he was, but he’s not. If he had been the one, he would have fought for me. I need someone willing to go to the ends of the earth for me, and guys like that don’t exist. That’s why I’m off of dating. My kids and my friends are all I need.”
I pat her on the leg and keep sweeping. I love to sweep even when there’s nothing there. It feels so cosmically satisfying to mindlessly move the broom from one side of the room to the other. Keeps me from thinking too much.
“Speaking of friends, guess who I talked to this morning? Colleen! She called me early and we chatted for an hour. I filled her in on what’s been going on, and she invited us up for a girl’s weekend. We’ve talked about it for so long, but now’s a great time to do it, don’t you think?”
Colleen is Katie’s best friend from high school. She was down here when the shit hit the fan in Katie’s life, and we became friends as well. It would be a lot of fun to see her. She’s a no bullshit kind of gal, and I need some of that in my life right now.
“Chris has the boys next weekend, let’s not screw around, let’s do it.”
* * *
We get to Tom and Colleen’s house early Friday. Tom took their twin girls to his parents’ place for the weekend so we could have the house. Colleen found a good man too; he’s
He stands up, kisses me long on the top of my head, and walks out the door. He’s one hundred percent right. I didn’t even stand up for myself just now and fight for the man I thought I loved. That’s it, karma, you fucking bitch, I’m done with you. I’ve paid my dues. Fuck you. I’m angry. I’m angry at him for not standing by me, I’m angry with myself for putting up with everyone else’s bullshit for so long, and I’m angry so that I don’t have to hurt. I gather my things, and leave. No tears. I’m done with it all. Fuck men, and the fucking horses they rode in on. They all thought I was weak; well, I’ve just grown a backbone of steel. I feel a false sense of calm and strength, like I’m standing a few inches taller. Yup, fuck them all .
Chapter 9
“You don’t look right, Mel. You’re freaking me out.”
Katie is watching me clean the house for the second time in three days. I’ve scrubbed my house from top to bottom over and over again. It feels good to have my hands busy. I’ve never really done much of this before, having had a housekeeper, but I’m determined to reclaim my life. My boys are a bit worried, too. They haven’t asked about Caleb, but they know something’s up. I’ve been home and awake early everyday. I’ve packed lunches, and ironed their clothes. I go for a run, which I hate, every afternoon. I’m determined not to cry over one more man in my life except for my sons. I want them to see their mother as strong and independent, not someone else’s fool. I’ve lost more weight and gained muscle tone as well. Fuck Caleb. I don’t need his help; I can do it on my own.
“I’m fine, Katie. This helps me feel better. I haven’t had a house this clean in years. Our housekeepers sucked but I never had the guts to tell them. It feels so good to have a little control in my life.”
“A little control is fine, but you have turned into Melanie the Robot. Where’s my carefree, sweet southern belle gone?”
“I’m here, but that soft outer layer is gone; too easy to be penetrated by bad stuff. I sat back for too long, and was a passive participant in my own life. Not anymore, Kat. I deserve better. I realize that now. Men can wait; it’s all about my kids and me. “
“Well, I agree about letting people take advantage, you’re too nice, but life is short, Mel. You need and deserve love, too. Don’t become so bitter that you lose sight of that. You and Caleb have been broken up for weeks now, and I haven’t seen you cry once. It’s not natural.”
“Caleb wasn’t right for me. I thought he was, but he’s not. If he had been the one, he would have fought for me. I need someone willing to go to the ends of the earth for me, and guys like that don’t exist. That’s why I’m off of dating. My kids and my friends are all I need.”
I pat her on the leg and keep sweeping. I love to sweep even when there’s nothing there. It feels so cosmically satisfying to mindlessly move the broom from one side of the room to the other. Keeps me from thinking too much.
“Speaking of friends, guess who I talked to this morning? Colleen! She called me early and we chatted for an hour. I filled her in on what’s been going on, and she invited us up for a girl’s weekend. We’ve talked about it for so long, but now’s a great time to do it, don’t you think?”
Colleen is Katie’s best friend from high school. She was down here when the shit hit the fan in Katie’s life, and we became friends as well. It would be a lot of fun to see her. She’s a no bullshit kind of gal, and I need some of that in my life right now.
“Chris has the boys next weekend, let’s not screw around, let’s do it.”
* * *
We get to Tom and Colleen’s house early Friday. Tom took their twin girls to his parents’ place for the weekend so we could have the house. Colleen found a good man too; he’s
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