not?”
Put in that context, it did sound like ownership. But no, in his case that was not true at all. His previous mistresses had always been free to end the affair as easily as he, yet none had ever done so—except for Eloisa. He frowned. Once Eloisa had seen his burns, she’d quickly moved on to Lord Heyworth.
“But everyone does the bidding of their employer. You, in your role as a governess, for instance. How is your current role any different?”
“Don’t be naive! I know precisely the duties expected of a governess. I know what I’mrequired to do in order to fulfill the role. I am happy to accept those tasks.”
He smiled arrogantly. “Nevertheless, I dare say that, given your marriage, you would understand how becoming my mistress could be very pleasurable.”
He saw her whole body spasm. She uttered softly, “I’m pretty sure there are no duties as a governess that can physically hurt me or degrade me.” Sarah downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and stood. “I’m not prepared to submit my body to a man for his use without the ability to decline some or all of his commands. A mistress—a mistress who wishes to maintain her employment, a mistress who has nothing but her body with which to earn a living—does not always have that choice. Nor, indeed, does a wife.”
Now he was angry. His mistresses had always had choices. “Don’t be ridiculous! I would never suggest a woman do anything she finds unpleasant. She could stop me at any time.”
She walked purposefully to his chair, laying a hand on his scarred cheek. He felt the softness of her touch penetrate to his very soul.
“How could anyone accuse you of being a rapist?” She shook her head. “Some men don’t let you decline their advances. Some men take with force. I’ll never put myself in that position again. Who’d protect a mistress when it was impossible to protect me as a wife?”
He cringed at the word “force.” Her husband must have been a monster. Christian wanted to hit something, but instead he uttered, “Why did you not turn to someone for help? What about your father?”
“Why do you think my husband, as soon as we’d married, took me away from England, away from anyone I knew? It was too late.”
He jumped to his feet, feeling caged and impotent. She’d been hurt, ill-treated, and God knew what else by her husband, a man who was supposed to love, cherish, and honor her. No wonder she was skittish about trusting a man.
In a blinding revelation, he knew he wanted to be the man she came to trust. She was too young to spend the rest of her life alone—scared of intimacy, scared to commit to another. He knew, for he’d faced the same thing himself. He doubted he could marry any of the ladies of the
ton
. Who would choose him over a man who was whole? Over a man who could be looked at in the bright sunlight and admired and desired?
He wanted to heal her and prove that not all men were like her husband. It would be both the easiest and hardest of tasks. Easy for him, because she was desirable beyond words; hard,because he was no longer the attractive rake he once had been. His face and upper body were twisted and disfigured. He could no longer simply smile and have a woman thinking of how good he’d look naked.
But Sarah was an intelligent woman. Surely she knew there was more to “relations” than the treatment she had received at her callous husband’s hands. Winning Sarah’s trust would be a prize in itself. To teach her about pleasure would heal them both. He knew it. He felt sexual tension fill him at the mere possibility.
He moved closer. “I’ll protect you.” He slid a finger down her soft cheek. “I’d never hurt you, nor allow anyone to hurt you ever again.”
His words meant more to her than he knew, but Christian had no idea what he was offering to protect her from, or the danger he could face in doing so. She saw the pity and understanding in his eyes, and it was almost her undoing. It
Put in that context, it did sound like ownership. But no, in his case that was not true at all. His previous mistresses had always been free to end the affair as easily as he, yet none had ever done so—except for Eloisa. He frowned. Once Eloisa had seen his burns, she’d quickly moved on to Lord Heyworth.
“But everyone does the bidding of their employer. You, in your role as a governess, for instance. How is your current role any different?”
“Don’t be naive! I know precisely the duties expected of a governess. I know what I’mrequired to do in order to fulfill the role. I am happy to accept those tasks.”
He smiled arrogantly. “Nevertheless, I dare say that, given your marriage, you would understand how becoming my mistress could be very pleasurable.”
He saw her whole body spasm. She uttered softly, “I’m pretty sure there are no duties as a governess that can physically hurt me or degrade me.” Sarah downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and stood. “I’m not prepared to submit my body to a man for his use without the ability to decline some or all of his commands. A mistress—a mistress who wishes to maintain her employment, a mistress who has nothing but her body with which to earn a living—does not always have that choice. Nor, indeed, does a wife.”
Now he was angry. His mistresses had always had choices. “Don’t be ridiculous! I would never suggest a woman do anything she finds unpleasant. She could stop me at any time.”
She walked purposefully to his chair, laying a hand on his scarred cheek. He felt the softness of her touch penetrate to his very soul.
“How could anyone accuse you of being a rapist?” She shook her head. “Some men don’t let you decline their advances. Some men take with force. I’ll never put myself in that position again. Who’d protect a mistress when it was impossible to protect me as a wife?”
He cringed at the word “force.” Her husband must have been a monster. Christian wanted to hit something, but instead he uttered, “Why did you not turn to someone for help? What about your father?”
“Why do you think my husband, as soon as we’d married, took me away from England, away from anyone I knew? It was too late.”
He jumped to his feet, feeling caged and impotent. She’d been hurt, ill-treated, and God knew what else by her husband, a man who was supposed to love, cherish, and honor her. No wonder she was skittish about trusting a man.
In a blinding revelation, he knew he wanted to be the man she came to trust. She was too young to spend the rest of her life alone—scared of intimacy, scared to commit to another. He knew, for he’d faced the same thing himself. He doubted he could marry any of the ladies of the
ton
. Who would choose him over a man who was whole? Over a man who could be looked at in the bright sunlight and admired and desired?
He wanted to heal her and prove that not all men were like her husband. It would be both the easiest and hardest of tasks. Easy for him, because she was desirable beyond words; hard,because he was no longer the attractive rake he once had been. His face and upper body were twisted and disfigured. He could no longer simply smile and have a woman thinking of how good he’d look naked.
But Sarah was an intelligent woman. Surely she knew there was more to “relations” than the treatment she had received at her callous husband’s hands. Winning Sarah’s trust would be a prize in itself. To teach her about pleasure would heal them both. He knew it. He felt sexual tension fill him at the mere possibility.
He moved closer. “I’ll protect you.” He slid a finger down her soft cheek. “I’d never hurt you, nor allow anyone to hurt you ever again.”
His words meant more to her than he knew, but Christian had no idea what he was offering to protect her from, or the danger he could face in doing so. She saw the pity and understanding in his eyes, and it was almost her undoing. It
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