surer.’
‘And I’m six years older than you. You do realize that?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘And whatever happens in this world, I will always be six years older. In four years’ time I’m going to be forty. And you’ll only be thirty-four.’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not going to miraculously turn into a twentythree-year-oldwhen you have your midlife crisis, you know?’
‘Oh, Jesus Christ, Millie…’ Sean smiled wryly and got to his feet.
‘Ooh. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I’m just supposed to say “Yes” really enigmatically and gracefully, like I always knew you’d want to marry me, aren’t I?’
‘Well, yes, that’s the…’
‘Yes! Yes! Double yes! Yes, I’d love to marry you. If you’re sure you know what you’re doing and you’ve really thought about this and you don’t mind hanging out with an old woman and…’
‘Millie!’
‘Sorry.’
‘So that’s a yes, then?’
‘Yes! Oh God, yes, definitely!’
‘Do you want your ring, then?’
‘Oh my God! You got me a ring?’ She brought her hands to her mouth and Sean could see tears shining in her eyes.
‘Uh-huh.’ He headed indoors to retrieve the ring from its drawer, his heart thumping with excitement.
She gasped in wonder when he presented her with the box. ‘You’re really serious aren’t you?’ She opened it, slowly and reverentially, and sucked in her breath when she caught sight of the diamond baguette. And then Sean slipped it on to her finger and she burst into tears.
‘Oh God,’ she snivelled through tears and laughter, ‘I’m getting married.’ She turned to face the world,cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted across the London skyline, ‘I’m getting married!’And then she turned back to Sean and looked at him with tear-streaked eyes. ‘I love you so much, Sean London. We are going to be so incredibly happy together. You know that, don’t you?’
And Sean smiled because he did know that. ‘Come on,’ he said, wiping some tears away from under her eyes, let’s go into my dank, musty hovel of a bedroom and have fantastic post-proposal, engaged-to-be-married sex.’
He didn’t need to ask twice.
Just What He Always Wanted
‘Happy birthday, Tony.’ Ness handed him a huge and very heavy gift, wrapped in lurid green holographic paper topped with a fuchsia bow.
‘Thanks.’
‘Thirty-five,’ she said, for about the hundredth time that evening, ‘I can’t believe you’re thirty-five.’
He grimaced and began peeling away the holographic paper. Inside was a cardboard box. It had the words ‘Organically Grown Pineapples’ printed on it. ‘Cool,’ he said, ‘pineapples.’
Ness threw him a withering smile. ‘Come on,’ she urged, ‘open it.’ She was almost quivering with excitement as Tony ripped the parcel tape off the box and pulled open the flaps.
Tony looked inside. It was some kind of electronic thing. It was black and clunky. He pulled it out and examined it.
Ness was looking at him, anticipation shining from her eyes. ‘Don’t you know what it is?’
Tony examined it further. ‘Erm, some kind of time machine?’
‘No! It’s a Betamax video player! For you to watch all your old Betamax tapes on!’
‘Aaah,’ said Tony, realization dawning. ‘Aaah! God, Ness, that’s brilliant. That’s so brilliant. Thank you.’And it really was brilliant. The Londons had owned a Betamax back in the seventies when nobody knew any better and Tony had recorded all his favourite programmes religiously for a couple of years, until the VHS had taken off and they got rid of it. But he’d kept his Betamax tapes for all these years; determined that one day he’d get himself a player and have a stride down memory lane. ‘Where the hell did you get it from?’
‘Well – it was a bit of a mare, actually. I started looking about six months ago and nearly got one at a car-boot sale, but it was completely knackered so I had a look on the Internet, but it all got a bit complicated. And then I
‘And I’m six years older than you. You do realize that?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘And whatever happens in this world, I will always be six years older. In four years’ time I’m going to be forty. And you’ll only be thirty-four.’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not going to miraculously turn into a twentythree-year-oldwhen you have your midlife crisis, you know?’
‘Oh, Jesus Christ, Millie…’ Sean smiled wryly and got to his feet.
‘Ooh. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I’m just supposed to say “Yes” really enigmatically and gracefully, like I always knew you’d want to marry me, aren’t I?’
‘Well, yes, that’s the…’
‘Yes! Yes! Double yes! Yes, I’d love to marry you. If you’re sure you know what you’re doing and you’ve really thought about this and you don’t mind hanging out with an old woman and…’
‘Millie!’
‘Sorry.’
‘So that’s a yes, then?’
‘Yes! Oh God, yes, definitely!’
‘Do you want your ring, then?’
‘Oh my God! You got me a ring?’ She brought her hands to her mouth and Sean could see tears shining in her eyes.
‘Uh-huh.’ He headed indoors to retrieve the ring from its drawer, his heart thumping with excitement.
She gasped in wonder when he presented her with the box. ‘You’re really serious aren’t you?’ She opened it, slowly and reverentially, and sucked in her breath when she caught sight of the diamond baguette. And then Sean slipped it on to her finger and she burst into tears.
‘Oh God,’ she snivelled through tears and laughter, ‘I’m getting married.’ She turned to face the world,cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted across the London skyline, ‘I’m getting married!’And then she turned back to Sean and looked at him with tear-streaked eyes. ‘I love you so much, Sean London. We are going to be so incredibly happy together. You know that, don’t you?’
And Sean smiled because he did know that. ‘Come on,’ he said, wiping some tears away from under her eyes, let’s go into my dank, musty hovel of a bedroom and have fantastic post-proposal, engaged-to-be-married sex.’
He didn’t need to ask twice.
Just What He Always Wanted
‘Happy birthday, Tony.’ Ness handed him a huge and very heavy gift, wrapped in lurid green holographic paper topped with a fuchsia bow.
‘Thanks.’
‘Thirty-five,’ she said, for about the hundredth time that evening, ‘I can’t believe you’re thirty-five.’
He grimaced and began peeling away the holographic paper. Inside was a cardboard box. It had the words ‘Organically Grown Pineapples’ printed on it. ‘Cool,’ he said, ‘pineapples.’
Ness threw him a withering smile. ‘Come on,’ she urged, ‘open it.’ She was almost quivering with excitement as Tony ripped the parcel tape off the box and pulled open the flaps.
Tony looked inside. It was some kind of electronic thing. It was black and clunky. He pulled it out and examined it.
Ness was looking at him, anticipation shining from her eyes. ‘Don’t you know what it is?’
Tony examined it further. ‘Erm, some kind of time machine?’
‘No! It’s a Betamax video player! For you to watch all your old Betamax tapes on!’
‘Aaah,’ said Tony, realization dawning. ‘Aaah! God, Ness, that’s brilliant. That’s so brilliant. Thank you.’And it really was brilliant. The Londons had owned a Betamax back in the seventies when nobody knew any better and Tony had recorded all his favourite programmes religiously for a couple of years, until the VHS had taken off and they got rid of it. But he’d kept his Betamax tapes for all these years; determined that one day he’d get himself a player and have a stride down memory lane. ‘Where the hell did you get it from?’
‘Well – it was a bit of a mare, actually. I started looking about six months ago and nearly got one at a car-boot sale, but it was completely knackered so I had a look on the Internet, but it all got a bit complicated. And then I
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