down the rocks and stood at the sea’s edge, gulls circling above them. Unable to hold back any longer, he took her in his arms and kissed her.
She opened to him, becoming warm, receptive, wanting him as he wanted her, but scared. He felt himself turning hot with embarrassment as much as desire, thinking, How can I possibly admit that I’m a virgin?
All the prudishness instilled by his parents reared up to torment him. He groaned and held Holly away from him.
“What’s wrong?” She looked at him with dark, worried eyes. To his own shame, he was imagining her among the naked sunbathers.
He said, “I - I think you must be more experienced than me.”
“Why?” She was angry. “I believe in free love, yes, but I’m not depraved. We hold the human body sacred.”
“But you and Lancelyn...” he said helplessly.
“I’m his secretary. He’s like a father to me!”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
“This is my first time, Ben.”
Her words sent a molten thrill through him, with the certainty that this was going to happen.
“Mine, too,” he whispered. “But are you sure -”
“Ssh.” She spoke sternly. “Don’t say any more.”
Wise advice. He’d almost spoiled the moment with talk, but she saved it, silencing him with her sweet mouth, drawing him down onto the hot firm sand. Awkward and laughing they undressed, and she pressed her golden body to his pale, war-scarred flesh. Not wanting to hurt or disappoint her, he let her guide him, responding to her needs, holding back his own delicious culmination with all his will until she had reached hers. And despite their inexperience, it was magical. Holly burned away his guilt, showing him that sex, even in all its animal, feverish urgency, was not a sin but an offering to heaven.
Afterwards, they lay folded together, melting like honey into the golden sand. Adoring each other in wonder. And Ben knew, they both knew.
“We must lie together like this forever. I never want us to be apart, Holly. Never.”
* * *
The golden summer in Italy was the most glorious time of Benedict’s life. However, it couldn’t last. Returning to England, Holly insisted on a church wedding; she still had a childlike need to please her parents, and they were pleased that day, and quite charming. Lancelyn was benevolently thrilled that he’d brought Ben and Holly together.
When no children came, Ben and Holly were each secretly glad. They had no illusions about parenthood; how appalling, to inflict the same unintentional pain on their own offspring! Their families weren’t around to drop irritating hints about babies, so they were left alone to pursue their rarefied lives.
Lancelyn helped Ben to establish his bookshop, but never interfered with its running. With no visible source of income, he spent his time studying the occult. He lived alone and - while he had relationships with some of the female Neophytes - seemed content to remain a bachelor. His only recreation, aside from fishing, was repairing mechanical toys.
He was a born leader, self-assured and inspiring. As a friend, too, he was delightful; warm, wise, endlessly helpful. Ben was certain he would never misuse his power.
Benedict was stunned to discover how much hard work the Order involved. He was required to study philosophy, religion, and physical and mental disciplines such as yoga. He mastered every challenge, and within a few years Lancelyn appointed him his second in command, Magister Templi.
The Order took itself very seriously. Lancelyn did not tolerate time-wasters. Some members were well known in their professions; judges, doctors, politicians, even aristocrats - but when they all dressed in robes with their faces covered, they shed their identities, relishing secret escape from their public roles.
For a few years, everything was perfect.
When things went wrong, the catalyst - Ben realised after the event - was their mother’s death.
Holly sensed the death in
She opened to him, becoming warm, receptive, wanting him as he wanted her, but scared. He felt himself turning hot with embarrassment as much as desire, thinking, How can I possibly admit that I’m a virgin?
All the prudishness instilled by his parents reared up to torment him. He groaned and held Holly away from him.
“What’s wrong?” She looked at him with dark, worried eyes. To his own shame, he was imagining her among the naked sunbathers.
He said, “I - I think you must be more experienced than me.”
“Why?” She was angry. “I believe in free love, yes, but I’m not depraved. We hold the human body sacred.”
“But you and Lancelyn...” he said helplessly.
“I’m his secretary. He’s like a father to me!”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
“This is my first time, Ben.”
Her words sent a molten thrill through him, with the certainty that this was going to happen.
“Mine, too,” he whispered. “But are you sure -”
“Ssh.” She spoke sternly. “Don’t say any more.”
Wise advice. He’d almost spoiled the moment with talk, but she saved it, silencing him with her sweet mouth, drawing him down onto the hot firm sand. Awkward and laughing they undressed, and she pressed her golden body to his pale, war-scarred flesh. Not wanting to hurt or disappoint her, he let her guide him, responding to her needs, holding back his own delicious culmination with all his will until she had reached hers. And despite their inexperience, it was magical. Holly burned away his guilt, showing him that sex, even in all its animal, feverish urgency, was not a sin but an offering to heaven.
Afterwards, they lay folded together, melting like honey into the golden sand. Adoring each other in wonder. And Ben knew, they both knew.
“We must lie together like this forever. I never want us to be apart, Holly. Never.”
* * *
The golden summer in Italy was the most glorious time of Benedict’s life. However, it couldn’t last. Returning to England, Holly insisted on a church wedding; she still had a childlike need to please her parents, and they were pleased that day, and quite charming. Lancelyn was benevolently thrilled that he’d brought Ben and Holly together.
When no children came, Ben and Holly were each secretly glad. They had no illusions about parenthood; how appalling, to inflict the same unintentional pain on their own offspring! Their families weren’t around to drop irritating hints about babies, so they were left alone to pursue their rarefied lives.
Lancelyn helped Ben to establish his bookshop, but never interfered with its running. With no visible source of income, he spent his time studying the occult. He lived alone and - while he had relationships with some of the female Neophytes - seemed content to remain a bachelor. His only recreation, aside from fishing, was repairing mechanical toys.
He was a born leader, self-assured and inspiring. As a friend, too, he was delightful; warm, wise, endlessly helpful. Ben was certain he would never misuse his power.
Benedict was stunned to discover how much hard work the Order involved. He was required to study philosophy, religion, and physical and mental disciplines such as yoga. He mastered every challenge, and within a few years Lancelyn appointed him his second in command, Magister Templi.
The Order took itself very seriously. Lancelyn did not tolerate time-wasters. Some members were well known in their professions; judges, doctors, politicians, even aristocrats - but when they all dressed in robes with their faces covered, they shed their identities, relishing secret escape from their public roles.
For a few years, everything was perfect.
When things went wrong, the catalyst - Ben realised after the event - was their mother’s death.
Holly sensed the death in
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