you Janey. I'll always be truthful to you, gentle with you and faithful to
us – to what we have.”
“Now
I'm not promising you that life is going to be easy. We're different. You're
independent and stubborn as hell and I'm not an easy man to live with. There
will be times when we will not get along. That's just a simple fact.”
“But
I promise you this . . . I'll be a husband you can be proud of; one who will
hang in there and work things out; one who will honor the woman you are.”
Through
parched lips, Janey whispered, "Did you say husband?"
"Yes,
I said husband. You're my woman. I want all of you – and I want papers to that
effect."
Redmond
fell silent. He tried to read her expression, hoping that she'd immediately say
yes. With tears coursing in full force down her cheeks, Janey turned away from
him and walked out of his embrace.
Looking
out over the Caribbean sea from the expansive balcony of her room, she let out
a small, nervous breath and began to speak slowly, halfway afraid that Redmond
was going to interrupt her again.
"I
owe you such a big apology Redmond. I feel like such a fool for not trusting
you from the beginning. You're an honorable, hardworking man and it was my own
insecurities and prejudices that kept me from fully recognizing that right
away. I’m sorry about that; I truly am.”
"You're
right about us being different. That doesn't frighten me. What frightens me is
that we're different on so many levels, not only the obvious – as man and woman
– but our cultures are different, our language is different, the way we
approach and experience life is different.
“And
then there’s your daughter and your wife is now back in the picture. I just see
so many problems on the horizon.”
"There's
no denying it, I love you. ‘I love you’ doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel
for you. I've known that since the first week we met. Like you, I fought it but
as a woman, I realized early on that that was useless. So I gave myself over to
it; letting myself think that, ‘Ok, this could work.’”
"Then
you’d put up another wall or we’d have a disagreement and all those fears of
how different we are would surface – and I realized just how impossible our
love would be.”
“I
say all this to say that even though I love you, I’m afraid that our
differences will eventually tear us apart. And I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t
bear beginning to build a life with you only to have to learn how to live
without you one day because we were miserable together.”
"What
we’ve experienced has been too beautiful on some level to tarnish. So while
everything in me wants to be your wife, I know it wouldn’t work.”
“I’m
sorry. I’m so sorry.”
"You
deserve to be happy. And I just don’t think that we can make each other happy.”
Redmond
was stunned. The roaring of blood in his ears drowned out her voice. He
couldn’t hear her. Everything after the words “ wouldn't work ” didn’t
register.
Janey
turned to see the statue that was Redmond. The bright sun bouncing off the sea
caught what she thought was moisture in his left eye. And just like that, it
was gone.
“Thank
you for at least hearing me out. Have a safe flight home.”
Redmond
turned and walked out without another word.
The
rubber that was Janey’s knees finally snapped. Several hours later – eyes red
and swollen – she unglued herself from the cool tile of the floor, poured a
glass of Merlot and watched the sun set from the balcony.
I
did the he right thing , she said to herself.
She
kept repeating it; it became like a mantra. It had to be true, otherwise, what
had she done?
Knowing
there would be no sleep that night, Janey took her time packing in preparation
for the trip home tomorrow. The hustle and bustle of Manhattan was just what
she needed.
Although
. . . for the first time, the thought of returning
us – to what we have.”
“Now
I'm not promising you that life is going to be easy. We're different. You're
independent and stubborn as hell and I'm not an easy man to live with. There
will be times when we will not get along. That's just a simple fact.”
“But
I promise you this . . . I'll be a husband you can be proud of; one who will
hang in there and work things out; one who will honor the woman you are.”
Through
parched lips, Janey whispered, "Did you say husband?"
"Yes,
I said husband. You're my woman. I want all of you – and I want papers to that
effect."
Redmond
fell silent. He tried to read her expression, hoping that she'd immediately say
yes. With tears coursing in full force down her cheeks, Janey turned away from
him and walked out of his embrace.
Looking
out over the Caribbean sea from the expansive balcony of her room, she let out
a small, nervous breath and began to speak slowly, halfway afraid that Redmond
was going to interrupt her again.
"I
owe you such a big apology Redmond. I feel like such a fool for not trusting
you from the beginning. You're an honorable, hardworking man and it was my own
insecurities and prejudices that kept me from fully recognizing that right
away. I’m sorry about that; I truly am.”
"You're
right about us being different. That doesn't frighten me. What frightens me is
that we're different on so many levels, not only the obvious – as man and woman
– but our cultures are different, our language is different, the way we
approach and experience life is different.
“And
then there’s your daughter and your wife is now back in the picture. I just see
so many problems on the horizon.”
"There's
no denying it, I love you. ‘I love you’ doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel
for you. I've known that since the first week we met. Like you, I fought it but
as a woman, I realized early on that that was useless. So I gave myself over to
it; letting myself think that, ‘Ok, this could work.’”
"Then
you’d put up another wall or we’d have a disagreement and all those fears of
how different we are would surface – and I realized just how impossible our
love would be.”
“I
say all this to say that even though I love you, I’m afraid that our
differences will eventually tear us apart. And I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t
bear beginning to build a life with you only to have to learn how to live
without you one day because we were miserable together.”
"What
we’ve experienced has been too beautiful on some level to tarnish. So while
everything in me wants to be your wife, I know it wouldn’t work.”
“I’m
sorry. I’m so sorry.”
"You
deserve to be happy. And I just don’t think that we can make each other happy.”
Redmond
was stunned. The roaring of blood in his ears drowned out her voice. He
couldn’t hear her. Everything after the words “ wouldn't work ” didn’t
register.
Janey
turned to see the statue that was Redmond. The bright sun bouncing off the sea
caught what she thought was moisture in his left eye. And just like that, it
was gone.
“Thank
you for at least hearing me out. Have a safe flight home.”
Redmond
turned and walked out without another word.
The
rubber that was Janey’s knees finally snapped. Several hours later – eyes red
and swollen – she unglued herself from the cool tile of the floor, poured a
glass of Merlot and watched the sun set from the balcony.
I
did the he right thing , she said to herself.
She
kept repeating it; it became like a mantra. It had to be true, otherwise, what
had she done?
Knowing
there would be no sleep that night, Janey took her time packing in preparation
for the trip home tomorrow. The hustle and bustle of Manhattan was just what
she needed.
Although
. . . for the first time, the thought of returning
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