attention on Aiden’s skin; wanting to groan every time he brushes against the stubble on Aiden’s jaw. Hard, heavy, hot flesh on his tongue and himself in hand, wanting to cry at the relief of finally, finally, finally. Aiden’s imploring eyes, curling into his warm body with an arm holding him close and then—
Jake shoots to his feet and swallows convulsively, panic rising in his throat like bile. He—they… oh, god.
He doesn’t pause, doesn’t so much as blink, just takes his music and runs, the RV’s side door banging shut behind him as he takes off toward the north end of the marina. He’s wearing the wrong shoes for running, doesn’t even really own a pair of running shoes, that’s Aiden’s thing—Aiden, whom Jake sucked off without a thought. Selfish idiot, you’ve ruined everything; you’ve fucked it all up completely and you won’t recover from it. It wasn’t supposed to be like this; it wasn’t supposed to happen like this, and did you even kiss him before you broke all the rules? Of course you didn’t. Take, take, take it all, just like you always do, but not from him, never from him because he deserves better and better isn’t you.
“Jake!”
One of his earbuds slips out, but he doesn’t care; his feet pound harder on the uneven terrain and he stumbles, arms flailing wildly in front of him. Somehow he keeps going, running faster along the trail until the loop takes him out to the spit of beach lining the shore, the sand little more than fine, weatherworn stones and pebbles and he can’t breathe, can’t think because it’s all around him, the damage that he’s done to them and he can still taste—
“Jake, stop!”
The rain is pouring down now and Jake is freezing in just his T-shirt and sweats but he can’t stop, can’t do anything other than run from what he did because maybe, if he gets far enough away from it so it’s nothing more than a passing blip on the horizon, he can ignore it, get past it, act as if it never happened in the first place. But then Aiden draws level with him, takes his arm and yanks him to a stop.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Jake,” Aiden pants, hands on his thighs, and now that Aiden is here in front of him, looking at him as if he’s utterly insane, Jake truly feels it. “Are you trying out for the Olympics or something? What the fuck was that?”
With shaking hands, Jake pulls out his remaining earbud and turns the music off, winding the cord for a few precious seconds to compose himself. It doesn’t work; it only gives the panic more time to overcome him, and he trembles uncontrollably as the rain pelts him full-force.
“Jake, look at me, ” Aiden instructs him firmly, taking him by the shoulders. His hands are burning. Jake can feel those fingers gripping his hair all over again. “Look at me, and breathe.”
Inhaling as slowly as he can, Jake says, “I’ve fucked it all up, haven’t I?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ade, please. You weren’t even half as drunk as I was.”
Aiden takes a breath and exhales through his nose, shaking his head and shivering when rivulets of water run from the thick strands plastered to his forehead. “Okay, okay, I just…” Aiden trails off, scrubbing a hand over his face, and Jake wishes and hopes and prays that Aiden isn’t about to ask if being drunk was the only reason it happened, if Jake meant even one second of it, because those are dangerous questions with even more dangerous answers.
“Just what?”
“Look, let’s be honest…” Aiden says, and Jake holds his breath. After a long pause, Aiden cocks his head to the side, quirks his eyebrows and grins. “I’ve got moves.”
Just like that, the tension cracks and shatters. Jake bites his lip. “Such a dork,” he mutters, and the ground stops moving beneath his feet.
“Chalk it up to booze, temporary insanity, whatever you want. Let’s just forget about it, okay?” Aiden asks. With a deep, shuddering breath, Jake nods
Jake shoots to his feet and swallows convulsively, panic rising in his throat like bile. He—they… oh, god.
He doesn’t pause, doesn’t so much as blink, just takes his music and runs, the RV’s side door banging shut behind him as he takes off toward the north end of the marina. He’s wearing the wrong shoes for running, doesn’t even really own a pair of running shoes, that’s Aiden’s thing—Aiden, whom Jake sucked off without a thought. Selfish idiot, you’ve ruined everything; you’ve fucked it all up completely and you won’t recover from it. It wasn’t supposed to be like this; it wasn’t supposed to happen like this, and did you even kiss him before you broke all the rules? Of course you didn’t. Take, take, take it all, just like you always do, but not from him, never from him because he deserves better and better isn’t you.
“Jake!”
One of his earbuds slips out, but he doesn’t care; his feet pound harder on the uneven terrain and he stumbles, arms flailing wildly in front of him. Somehow he keeps going, running faster along the trail until the loop takes him out to the spit of beach lining the shore, the sand little more than fine, weatherworn stones and pebbles and he can’t breathe, can’t think because it’s all around him, the damage that he’s done to them and he can still taste—
“Jake, stop!”
The rain is pouring down now and Jake is freezing in just his T-shirt and sweats but he can’t stop, can’t do anything other than run from what he did because maybe, if he gets far enough away from it so it’s nothing more than a passing blip on the horizon, he can ignore it, get past it, act as if it never happened in the first place. But then Aiden draws level with him, takes his arm and yanks him to a stop.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Jake,” Aiden pants, hands on his thighs, and now that Aiden is here in front of him, looking at him as if he’s utterly insane, Jake truly feels it. “Are you trying out for the Olympics or something? What the fuck was that?”
With shaking hands, Jake pulls out his remaining earbud and turns the music off, winding the cord for a few precious seconds to compose himself. It doesn’t work; it only gives the panic more time to overcome him, and he trembles uncontrollably as the rain pelts him full-force.
“Jake, look at me, ” Aiden instructs him firmly, taking him by the shoulders. His hands are burning. Jake can feel those fingers gripping his hair all over again. “Look at me, and breathe.”
Inhaling as slowly as he can, Jake says, “I’ve fucked it all up, haven’t I?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ade, please. You weren’t even half as drunk as I was.”
Aiden takes a breath and exhales through his nose, shaking his head and shivering when rivulets of water run from the thick strands plastered to his forehead. “Okay, okay, I just…” Aiden trails off, scrubbing a hand over his face, and Jake wishes and hopes and prays that Aiden isn’t about to ask if being drunk was the only reason it happened, if Jake meant even one second of it, because those are dangerous questions with even more dangerous answers.
“Just what?”
“Look, let’s be honest…” Aiden says, and Jake holds his breath. After a long pause, Aiden cocks his head to the side, quirks his eyebrows and grins. “I’ve got moves.”
Just like that, the tension cracks and shatters. Jake bites his lip. “Such a dork,” he mutters, and the ground stops moving beneath his feet.
“Chalk it up to booze, temporary insanity, whatever you want. Let’s just forget about it, okay?” Aiden asks. With a deep, shuddering breath, Jake nods
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