Zoo by Tara Elizabeth Page B

you?”
she asks.
    I know Janice is just trying to help, but
all I want is to be left alone. I don’t want her hovering over me
like a mother. I have a mother and she’s not here. So, I push her
hand away.
    Trying to stand up proves to be impossible.
“Here, let me help you,” Janice offers. She tries to support me by
putting my arm around her shoulder.
    “ No. I can do this myself.
Please let me do this.” The most I can manage is to push myself up
on my hands and knees. The crawl over to my hut is both long and
embarrassing, but I refuse to let them help me. My father reminded
me that I’m determined (a nice word for hard-headed). I can do this.
    I leave Kale alone with
Janice and Greg, because I can’t face him again. I want to bury my
head in the sand, never to see the light of day again. The guilt is
heavy, and perhaps that’s why I can’t rise up to my feet. I
silently pray as I struggle forward on my knees; Please God, don’t let it have been for nothing.
Please let that protest group see the videos. Please.
    The cozy, dark space of my hut welcomes me
with open arms as I crawl into its emptiness. I slide down into the
hollow. Tucking my knees up into my chest, I finally let the tears
spill out.
    I never expected that to be my punishment. I
thought they’d beat me or something. Is a little physical torture
too much to ask for?
    What do I do now, Dad?
What if I’m not courageous like you said? I can’t call for you and
Mom over the loud speaker to come get me. I’m stuck here in this
hell, I cry to my father who’s long been
dead.
    And how can I “mate” with
someone because a zoo demands it? The fact
that I’m even talking to myself about it is completely ludicrous.
But if I don’t do what they say, they’ll transfer us to somewhere
worse than here. What could be worse than here? Well, I guess I’ll
find out because I’m not doing it. Literally.
    Suddenly, I can’t breathe. The thin walls of
my hut are closing in on me, but at the same time they are
protecting me against what’s outside. Kale. Janice. Greg. The
Keepers. The public. It’s too much! A loud sob escapes my trembling
mouth and my body convulses.
    I pull my blanket over my body and head. I
want to block out the light that’s trickling in through tiny holes.
It provides a small sense of comfort. As I force myself to quiet
down, I hear someone approaching. Their footsteps are heavy and
erratic, like they’re stumbling around. They fall to the ground
with a thud and a groan, as they arrive at the door to my hut. I
curl myself up into a tighter ball in an effort to protect myself
from whoever is about to pepper me with questions.
    I don’t open my eyes or pull down the
blanket when they push aside the fabric door-flap and crawl into my
space. I know exactly who it is. He still smells like the beach
after all this time here. He lies down beside me, molding his body
against mine. He wraps one of his strong arms around my shaking
body.
    He’s warm and steady.
    He calms my ragged breathing.
    He knows not to ask what
happened, because he knows exactly what happened.
    I thought I wanted to be left alone, but
Kale is exactly who I need right now.

THE NEXT MORNING
     
    When I wake, I’m so warm and calm that I
almost feel restored. Then I feel the even push of Kale’s breath on
the back of my neck and the pressure of his arm holding me tight. I
believe that I helped him last night as much as he helped me, but
today is a new day. Whatever happened doesn’t change the fact that
I can’t be with him that way.
    I easily slip out of his embrace and leave
him sleeping in my hut, as I visit the latrines and then the
waterfall for a shower. I take off my horrible dress and leave it
by the edge of the pool. I’ll wash it later. Right now I need to
try to wash away the last remnants of yesterday’s horrors.
    My hair is badly matted from my sweat and
tears, mixing with the dirt and grass on the floor of my hut. I
dunk my entire body and head