her fingers before I could argue. “Nora died, your early app for Duke was shot down, you and Colton busted up, you haven’t made it to cheer practice in weeks, and now you’re spending all your time with Brody, who’s weird.”
“He’s not weird,” I protested.
“He’s weird,” Shannon said. She held up a hand to cut me off. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he’s a freak or something, but he doesn’t fit in with anyone. He wanders around the halls with that camera like he’s from another planet—”
Lydia cut her off. “I’m sure he’s nice. It’s more that he’s not part of our crowd.” She looked over her shoulder to see ifanyone was paying attention to our conversation and leaned forward so she could drop her voice. “Don’t tell Karl I told you, but Colton is totally bummed you guys broke up. He told Karl that he thought he made a mistake by letting you get away. Being sorta cool and hard to get is a good thing, but if Colton thought you’d hooked up with someone else, he’d never get in the middle of something like that.”
“I’m not sure I want to get back together with Colton,” I said.
“Now, see, that’s weird. Brody’s weirdness is rubbing off on you.” Shannon pointed at me with her fork. “Colton’s hot, he’s popular, and just about any girl in this school would kill to go out with him.”
I had an image of hordes of teen girls going all Hunger Games in a death match to win Colton’s hand.
“He’d never break your heart again,” Lydia said. “The way Karl talks, he’s really upset.”
I wondered when Colton started sharing his deep feelings with Karl. Or when he started having all these deep feelings for me at all, for that matter. If Colton hadn’t really been in love with me when we went out, I had a hard time believing he was now suddenly completely head over heels. This whole thing was most likely Lydia’s fantasy. She liked when we dated friends. It made things so easy. My best guess was that Colton, if he’d said anything at all, told Karl that he thought I was okay. Or that he missed making out. It wasn’t so much me as a ready access to boobs.
“Fine, skip Colton for a minute. What about cheer?” Shannon said. “We’ve been practicing with Liz, but she’s nowhere near as good as you. When are you coming back?”
I’d continued to make excuses to Coach Kerr about going to cheer practice, and for the time being she was giving me space. Having a friend, even a friend you hadn’t really hung out with in years, kill herself meant you got a lot of space. My history teacher had even told me I didn’t need to do my presentation on American heroes, and it might be my imagination, but I was pretty sure the cafeteria lady was giving me extra applesauce when she dished things out.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back,” I said.
“The basketball team counts on us. They start their games next week,” Shannon said.
I rolled my eyes. “Our team sucks. The fact we’re standing there yelling out chants doesn’t make any difference.”
Shannon pulled back as if I’d suddenly pushed down a saint. “Wow. I guess I had no idea you thought what we did was so stupid.”
“That’s not what she means,” Lydia said, trying to smooth things over. “She’s just not feeling like herself.” She turned to me. “Right?”
I sighed. I didn’t know how to explain that I wasn’t even sure what feeling like myself would be like. I didn’t have a clue who I was anymore. “It isn’t that I think cheer is stupid. It’s that I’m not feeling like it’s something I want to do right now.”
“So can we agree that you’re not fine?” Shannon made finger quotes in the air when she said “fine.”
The girl was level-five persistent. “Okay, you win. I’m not fine, but there’s nothing wrong with me either. I just need some time. Everything in my life turned upside down, and I need to get my feet back under me. I need to know you guys have my
“He’s not weird,” I protested.
“He’s weird,” Shannon said. She held up a hand to cut me off. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he’s a freak or something, but he doesn’t fit in with anyone. He wanders around the halls with that camera like he’s from another planet—”
Lydia cut her off. “I’m sure he’s nice. It’s more that he’s not part of our crowd.” She looked over her shoulder to see ifanyone was paying attention to our conversation and leaned forward so she could drop her voice. “Don’t tell Karl I told you, but Colton is totally bummed you guys broke up. He told Karl that he thought he made a mistake by letting you get away. Being sorta cool and hard to get is a good thing, but if Colton thought you’d hooked up with someone else, he’d never get in the middle of something like that.”
“I’m not sure I want to get back together with Colton,” I said.
“Now, see, that’s weird. Brody’s weirdness is rubbing off on you.” Shannon pointed at me with her fork. “Colton’s hot, he’s popular, and just about any girl in this school would kill to go out with him.”
I had an image of hordes of teen girls going all Hunger Games in a death match to win Colton’s hand.
“He’d never break your heart again,” Lydia said. “The way Karl talks, he’s really upset.”
I wondered when Colton started sharing his deep feelings with Karl. Or when he started having all these deep feelings for me at all, for that matter. If Colton hadn’t really been in love with me when we went out, I had a hard time believing he was now suddenly completely head over heels. This whole thing was most likely Lydia’s fantasy. She liked when we dated friends. It made things so easy. My best guess was that Colton, if he’d said anything at all, told Karl that he thought I was okay. Or that he missed making out. It wasn’t so much me as a ready access to boobs.
“Fine, skip Colton for a minute. What about cheer?” Shannon said. “We’ve been practicing with Liz, but she’s nowhere near as good as you. When are you coming back?”
I’d continued to make excuses to Coach Kerr about going to cheer practice, and for the time being she was giving me space. Having a friend, even a friend you hadn’t really hung out with in years, kill herself meant you got a lot of space. My history teacher had even told me I didn’t need to do my presentation on American heroes, and it might be my imagination, but I was pretty sure the cafeteria lady was giving me extra applesauce when she dished things out.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back,” I said.
“The basketball team counts on us. They start their games next week,” Shannon said.
I rolled my eyes. “Our team sucks. The fact we’re standing there yelling out chants doesn’t make any difference.”
Shannon pulled back as if I’d suddenly pushed down a saint. “Wow. I guess I had no idea you thought what we did was so stupid.”
“That’s not what she means,” Lydia said, trying to smooth things over. “She’s just not feeling like herself.” She turned to me. “Right?”
I sighed. I didn’t know how to explain that I wasn’t even sure what feeling like myself would be like. I didn’t have a clue who I was anymore. “It isn’t that I think cheer is stupid. It’s that I’m not feeling like it’s something I want to do right now.”
“So can we agree that you’re not fine?” Shannon made finger quotes in the air when she said “fine.”
The girl was level-five persistent. “Okay, you win. I’m not fine, but there’s nothing wrong with me either. I just need some time. Everything in my life turned upside down, and I need to get my feet back under me. I need to know you guys have my
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