sunglasses. Fat Greg was the only one wearing pants. That brother wouldn’t be caught dead in shorts; not with those overstuffed sausage-shaped legs of his.
Jerome and Tyron had started capping on each other’s moms evidently oblivious to the fact that they both shared the same mother. I laughed so hard that I could feel the decrepit railing struggling to hold me.
“Your mom’s so fat she had sex with two guys at the same time and they never even saw each other!”
“Your mom’s so dirty that she eats dinner with no panties on to keep the flies off her food.”
“Your mom’s so black that if you close your eyes you can see her better!”
“Your mom’s pussy spits tobacco!”
“Your mom’s pussy has whooping cough!”
Those brothas were crazy! I laughed so hard I dropped a forty of O.E. I had been hiding under my shirt. See, we all drank Colt 45 around the way and to drink another brand was almost treason, but I liked the way it tasted. The bottle hit the floor and exploded, sending shards of glass shrapnel spiraling across the rotting porch and beer pouring off into the garden like a miniature waterfall. I nearly fell off the railing I was laughing so hard. I felt the wood splinter with a loud crack and I jumped from it as Huey cast an angry glance in my direction.
“Man, clean that fucking beer up before my Mom comes out here and whoops all our asses!”
I went into Huey’s house to get a broom and dustpan and Mrs. Turner shook her head when I came back in and dumped the shattered forty into the trashcan.
“Ya’ll better not be making a mess out there. And I better not smell no weed out there either. Ya’ll shouldn’t even be drinkin’!”
“Uh…we ain’t drinkin’. I mean…not really. Just a little beer.”
“Boy, get your lyin’ ass out my kitchen ’fore I slap you right upside your head!”
I held in my laugh as I ran back out onto the porch.
“Your moms is a trip, dog.”
“Why? Did she say something about us drinkin’?”
“Dog, she ain’t even trippin’ off that. She just said we better not be smokin’ no weed out here.”
“She probably smells this nigga.” Huey grumbled staring at Warlock.
“Man, fuck you,” Warlock hissed.
The pizza man showed up just as Huey and Drew finally got the VCR set up. Greg handed the man a twenty and retrieved the extra-large pizza. The delivery boy turned around and started to walk off and Greg’s face contorted into a rictus of exaggerated outrage.
“Ay, dog! Da fuck is you goin’ with my change?”
“That’s my tip.”
“Nigga, I ain’t say shit about givin you no tip!”
“I know you ain’t gonna have me come all the way up here and not give a brotha no tip?”
“Dog, don’t be tryin’a play me like no sucker! What I look like some kind of fool to you?”
“Man, I ain’t tryin’a play you. I’m just tryin’ to get paid like everybody else.”
Greg was the type of brother who thought everyone was trying to get over on him and laughing at him behind his back. His self-esteem was so low that he even thought the retarded kids at school looked down on him. I guess it had something do with being overweight. He was all attitude and appetite. Greg wasn’t just large and solid like Tank. Tank could run a five minute mile even with all his bulk. Greg started breathing hard lifting his fat ass off the couch. He was all out of proportion. Short, with a huge stomach, plump stubby legs, arms that hung with cellulite like an old woman’s, and big saggy man-breasts. He had cause to be defensive. Me, Tank, Warlock, and the twins, rose up and stood behind Greg, anticipating a fight.
“Fuck that tip shit, nigga! Ya’ll muthafuckas wouldn’t even give me that free soda ya’ll advertised—talking about I had to order over twenty dollars worth of shit and this is only $17.50. Now you tryin’ to vic my change! You must be sick, fool!”
“Give that nigga his change before you get your ass fucked up.” Warlock
Jerome and Tyron had started capping on each other’s moms evidently oblivious to the fact that they both shared the same mother. I laughed so hard that I could feel the decrepit railing struggling to hold me.
“Your mom’s so fat she had sex with two guys at the same time and they never even saw each other!”
“Your mom’s so dirty that she eats dinner with no panties on to keep the flies off her food.”
“Your mom’s so black that if you close your eyes you can see her better!”
“Your mom’s pussy spits tobacco!”
“Your mom’s pussy has whooping cough!”
Those brothas were crazy! I laughed so hard I dropped a forty of O.E. I had been hiding under my shirt. See, we all drank Colt 45 around the way and to drink another brand was almost treason, but I liked the way it tasted. The bottle hit the floor and exploded, sending shards of glass shrapnel spiraling across the rotting porch and beer pouring off into the garden like a miniature waterfall. I nearly fell off the railing I was laughing so hard. I felt the wood splinter with a loud crack and I jumped from it as Huey cast an angry glance in my direction.
“Man, clean that fucking beer up before my Mom comes out here and whoops all our asses!”
I went into Huey’s house to get a broom and dustpan and Mrs. Turner shook her head when I came back in and dumped the shattered forty into the trashcan.
“Ya’ll better not be making a mess out there. And I better not smell no weed out there either. Ya’ll shouldn’t even be drinkin’!”
“Uh…we ain’t drinkin’. I mean…not really. Just a little beer.”
“Boy, get your lyin’ ass out my kitchen ’fore I slap you right upside your head!”
I held in my laugh as I ran back out onto the porch.
“Your moms is a trip, dog.”
“Why? Did she say something about us drinkin’?”
“Dog, she ain’t even trippin’ off that. She just said we better not be smokin’ no weed out here.”
“She probably smells this nigga.” Huey grumbled staring at Warlock.
“Man, fuck you,” Warlock hissed.
The pizza man showed up just as Huey and Drew finally got the VCR set up. Greg handed the man a twenty and retrieved the extra-large pizza. The delivery boy turned around and started to walk off and Greg’s face contorted into a rictus of exaggerated outrage.
“Ay, dog! Da fuck is you goin’ with my change?”
“That’s my tip.”
“Nigga, I ain’t say shit about givin you no tip!”
“I know you ain’t gonna have me come all the way up here and not give a brotha no tip?”
“Dog, don’t be tryin’a play me like no sucker! What I look like some kind of fool to you?”
“Man, I ain’t tryin’a play you. I’m just tryin’ to get paid like everybody else.”
Greg was the type of brother who thought everyone was trying to get over on him and laughing at him behind his back. His self-esteem was so low that he even thought the retarded kids at school looked down on him. I guess it had something do with being overweight. He was all attitude and appetite. Greg wasn’t just large and solid like Tank. Tank could run a five minute mile even with all his bulk. Greg started breathing hard lifting his fat ass off the couch. He was all out of proportion. Short, with a huge stomach, plump stubby legs, arms that hung with cellulite like an old woman’s, and big saggy man-breasts. He had cause to be defensive. Me, Tank, Warlock, and the twins, rose up and stood behind Greg, anticipating a fight.
“Fuck that tip shit, nigga! Ya’ll muthafuckas wouldn’t even give me that free soda ya’ll advertised—talking about I had to order over twenty dollars worth of shit and this is only $17.50. Now you tryin’ to vic my change! You must be sick, fool!”
“Give that nigga his change before you get your ass fucked up.” Warlock
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