just me.
How old is Noah?
I smiled. He remembered his name. Almost two.
He didn’t reply. Instead, my phone rang. I hesitated but decided to pick it up. “Hi, Jake.”
“Hi, Emily. I wanted to hear your voice.”
“I see.” I leaned back against my pillows, enjoying the familiar feel of my childhood bed.
“So almost two…that’s cool.”
I smiled. “Yes, very cool.”
“I like his name. Did you name him after the guy in the bible?”
I laughed. “The guy in the bible? I suppose every Noah is named after him in a way, but that’s not what I was thinking.”
“So you picked it?”
“Yes. His father wanted to name him Ted, but I won.”
“Oh. I like Noah better. I guess you have better taste than his dad.”
“Maybe.” I had a feeling this was Jake’s way of getting me to talk about Noah’s father. I didn’t want to, but holding it back wouldn’t help anything. “Noah’s never met his dad.”
“Oh…that sucks.”
“It does. Tim died in Afghanistan a few months after Noah was born.” I could still remember hearing the news. I felt like I’d been pulled under by a wave. How was I supposed to raise Noah alone? But then another side of me was relieved, and I felt horrible for feeling that way. Austen was right about me liking to see the best in people, because I never accepted that Tim’s anger issues were more than a short temper until I was already pregnant. I didn’t find out about the gambling until after he died.
“Afghanistan? He was in the military?”
“Yes. But before you start calling him a hero—he wasn’t. Or at least not before. He only joined because it was that or jail.”
“Jail? Geez…”
“Yeah. He had a crazy temper.” I was glad we were having this conversation on the phone because it was easier, but I wished I could see Jake’s face. I needed to know how he was reacting. “He got in some bar fight.”
“Oh?”
“All I know is that it had something to do with him smashing a guy’s head through a table.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this…”
“No. It’s good. Or not good, but better than I thought.”
“What did you think?”
“I thought maybe his dad was back home and you were always planning to go back to see him. Like you used me or something.”
“Used you? Because girls use you for sex all the time?” I thought about what Mel had said about his reputation. Maybe it wasn’t so far off.
I expected him to laugh but he didn’t. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t have cared, but I do care. I don’t want to be a guy you had a one night stand with.”
“It can’t be more.”
“Why not? You made it sound like you wanted it to be. That note you left sure hinted at it.”
I heard rustling and wondered if he was in bed. I wanted to be in that bed. “I can’t believe I wrote that. I can’t believe I slept with you.”
“I can. I relive it in my dreams.”
“You aren’t ready to deal with someone like me. You have enough to worry about.”
“So this is about me? This isn’t about you?” He sounded defensive. I couldn’t blame him.
“It’s about Noah. It’s about what’s best for him.”
“And it’s bad for him if you date me?” The way he asked made me think he didn’t really want to hear my answer.
I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “I need to make a stable life for him.”
“So you’re just going to stop dating until he’s eighteen?”
“I don’t know.”
“Does he like to watch football?”
“Football? He’s not even two.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s too young. Does he like junk food and crowds?”
I laughed lightly. “Yes, I guess so.”
“If you’re not working Friday, would you guys want to come to Clayton Falls? It’s the first home game I’m coaching.”
“Come to your game? That’s the date you want?”
“I’ll take you both out for ice cream afterward.” I could picture him smiling as he said it.
“Even if you don’t win?”
He
How old is Noah?
I smiled. He remembered his name. Almost two.
He didn’t reply. Instead, my phone rang. I hesitated but decided to pick it up. “Hi, Jake.”
“Hi, Emily. I wanted to hear your voice.”
“I see.” I leaned back against my pillows, enjoying the familiar feel of my childhood bed.
“So almost two…that’s cool.”
I smiled. “Yes, very cool.”
“I like his name. Did you name him after the guy in the bible?”
I laughed. “The guy in the bible? I suppose every Noah is named after him in a way, but that’s not what I was thinking.”
“So you picked it?”
“Yes. His father wanted to name him Ted, but I won.”
“Oh. I like Noah better. I guess you have better taste than his dad.”
“Maybe.” I had a feeling this was Jake’s way of getting me to talk about Noah’s father. I didn’t want to, but holding it back wouldn’t help anything. “Noah’s never met his dad.”
“Oh…that sucks.”
“It does. Tim died in Afghanistan a few months after Noah was born.” I could still remember hearing the news. I felt like I’d been pulled under by a wave. How was I supposed to raise Noah alone? But then another side of me was relieved, and I felt horrible for feeling that way. Austen was right about me liking to see the best in people, because I never accepted that Tim’s anger issues were more than a short temper until I was already pregnant. I didn’t find out about the gambling until after he died.
“Afghanistan? He was in the military?”
“Yes. But before you start calling him a hero—he wasn’t. Or at least not before. He only joined because it was that or jail.”
“Jail? Geez…”
“Yeah. He had a crazy temper.” I was glad we were having this conversation on the phone because it was easier, but I wished I could see Jake’s face. I needed to know how he was reacting. “He got in some bar fight.”
“Oh?”
“All I know is that it had something to do with him smashing a guy’s head through a table.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this…”
“No. It’s good. Or not good, but better than I thought.”
“What did you think?”
“I thought maybe his dad was back home and you were always planning to go back to see him. Like you used me or something.”
“Used you? Because girls use you for sex all the time?” I thought about what Mel had said about his reputation. Maybe it wasn’t so far off.
I expected him to laugh but he didn’t. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t have cared, but I do care. I don’t want to be a guy you had a one night stand with.”
“It can’t be more.”
“Why not? You made it sound like you wanted it to be. That note you left sure hinted at it.”
I heard rustling and wondered if he was in bed. I wanted to be in that bed. “I can’t believe I wrote that. I can’t believe I slept with you.”
“I can. I relive it in my dreams.”
“You aren’t ready to deal with someone like me. You have enough to worry about.”
“So this is about me? This isn’t about you?” He sounded defensive. I couldn’t blame him.
“It’s about Noah. It’s about what’s best for him.”
“And it’s bad for him if you date me?” The way he asked made me think he didn’t really want to hear my answer.
I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “I need to make a stable life for him.”
“So you’re just going to stop dating until he’s eighteen?”
“I don’t know.”
“Does he like to watch football?”
“Football? He’s not even two.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s too young. Does he like junk food and crowds?”
I laughed lightly. “Yes, I guess so.”
“If you’re not working Friday, would you guys want to come to Clayton Falls? It’s the first home game I’m coaching.”
“Come to your game? That’s the date you want?”
“I’ll take you both out for ice cream afterward.” I could picture him smiling as he said it.
“Even if you don’t win?”
He
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