wanted to justify myself but something stopped me. I thought of all the love stories I’d read over the years, and the way the lovers in those books thought about each other day and night; the way they confided in each other, doted on each other. Was true love really the way authors portrayed it in books?
I was sitting on the floor beside the mattress, and when I didn’t reply, Lillie gently laid her hand on my head, a mother soothing her child. “What’d you like about this boyfriend a yours?”
The first thing that came to mind was that Gordon was a good catch. He was even-tempered and reliable and had a good job. Until he’d broken up with me, he had been as logical and predictable as the Dewey decimal system. I opened my mouth to say those things, then quickly closed it again. Lovers in romance stories never mentioned the Dewey decimal system when describing their beloved.
“Ah ha! See, honey?”
“See what? I haven’t answered your question yet.”
“No, but your face says it all. When a person’s in love, all you gotta do is mention her lover and her face starts glowing like a harvest moon.”
I shrugged, wanting to avoid the subject, but Lillie wouldn’t let me. “This boyfriend got a name?”
“Gordon. Gordon Walters.”
“See? Most people smile when they speak the name of the man they love. And you ain’t smiling.”
“Well, I’m very angry with him. I told you, he broke up with me. He isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”
“You want him back?”
I thought for a minute, then shrugged again. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“Now, why ain’t you heartbroken, honey-girl? You ain’t shedding a single tear when I’m asking about him.”
“I don’t cry very easily, that’s all.”
“No? And why’s that?”
Again I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. I could cry buckets of tears when reading books with sad endings—and sometimes I cried over happy endings, too. Why didn’t I feel those emotions in real life? I gaped at Lillie, speechless, as she nodded her head. “Um hmm, um hmm. See now?”
“No. I don’t see anything.” Why was she asking me all these questions? What business was it of hers? I thought people in Appalachia didn’t ask nosy questions. I decided to turn the tables on her.
“Have you ever been in love, Lillie?”
Whether it was an act or not, I didn’t know, but her face did seem to glow as she broke into a wide gap-toothed smile. Even as she smiled, tears pooled in the creases around her eyes. “Oh my, yes, honey-girl. I sure was in love once. I reckon we only get one great love in a lifetime, and Sam was mine.”
“How did you meet him?”
“That story’s gonna take a long time to tell.”
“I don’t mind. We have plenty of time.” I loved stories. I could get lost in a good story and easily forget everything else. And right now I had a lot I wanted to forget. “Please tell me, Lillie.”
“Maybe another day, honey. I’m real tired right now. I think I need a little rest.”
Lillie closed her eyes and fell asleep as quick as a cat. I pulled the blanket around her shoulders and tiptoed over to the library desk to card books. I couldn’t stop thinking about Gordon and me, until at last I came to the conclusion that if true love really was the way people described it in books, then no, I never had been in love with Gordon or he with me. But why hadn’t I ever realized it before?
I was shelving books after lunch when I heard voices outside and footsteps clattering up the porch steps. Were patrons finally paying a visit to the library? I hurried to the door and swung it open to find a middle-aged woman and four little boys. “We come to hear the story,” the oldest boy said. The three younger ones ducked under my arm and squeezed through the door before I could stop them. Their faces were white, but their bare feet were as brown as Lillie’s.
“Wait! Mr. MacDougal is sleeping and—”
“Mamaw wouldn’t let us come
I was sitting on the floor beside the mattress, and when I didn’t reply, Lillie gently laid her hand on my head, a mother soothing her child. “What’d you like about this boyfriend a yours?”
The first thing that came to mind was that Gordon was a good catch. He was even-tempered and reliable and had a good job. Until he’d broken up with me, he had been as logical and predictable as the Dewey decimal system. I opened my mouth to say those things, then quickly closed it again. Lovers in romance stories never mentioned the Dewey decimal system when describing their beloved.
“Ah ha! See, honey?”
“See what? I haven’t answered your question yet.”
“No, but your face says it all. When a person’s in love, all you gotta do is mention her lover and her face starts glowing like a harvest moon.”
I shrugged, wanting to avoid the subject, but Lillie wouldn’t let me. “This boyfriend got a name?”
“Gordon. Gordon Walters.”
“See? Most people smile when they speak the name of the man they love. And you ain’t smiling.”
“Well, I’m very angry with him. I told you, he broke up with me. He isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”
“You want him back?”
I thought for a minute, then shrugged again. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“Now, why ain’t you heartbroken, honey-girl? You ain’t shedding a single tear when I’m asking about him.”
“I don’t cry very easily, that’s all.”
“No? And why’s that?”
Again I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. I could cry buckets of tears when reading books with sad endings—and sometimes I cried over happy endings, too. Why didn’t I feel those emotions in real life? I gaped at Lillie, speechless, as she nodded her head. “Um hmm, um hmm. See now?”
“No. I don’t see anything.” Why was she asking me all these questions? What business was it of hers? I thought people in Appalachia didn’t ask nosy questions. I decided to turn the tables on her.
“Have you ever been in love, Lillie?”
Whether it was an act or not, I didn’t know, but her face did seem to glow as she broke into a wide gap-toothed smile. Even as she smiled, tears pooled in the creases around her eyes. “Oh my, yes, honey-girl. I sure was in love once. I reckon we only get one great love in a lifetime, and Sam was mine.”
“How did you meet him?”
“That story’s gonna take a long time to tell.”
“I don’t mind. We have plenty of time.” I loved stories. I could get lost in a good story and easily forget everything else. And right now I had a lot I wanted to forget. “Please tell me, Lillie.”
“Maybe another day, honey. I’m real tired right now. I think I need a little rest.”
Lillie closed her eyes and fell asleep as quick as a cat. I pulled the blanket around her shoulders and tiptoed over to the library desk to card books. I couldn’t stop thinking about Gordon and me, until at last I came to the conclusion that if true love really was the way people described it in books, then no, I never had been in love with Gordon or he with me. But why hadn’t I ever realized it before?
I was shelving books after lunch when I heard voices outside and footsteps clattering up the porch steps. Were patrons finally paying a visit to the library? I hurried to the door and swung it open to find a middle-aged woman and four little boys. “We come to hear the story,” the oldest boy said. The three younger ones ducked under my arm and squeezed through the door before I could stop them. Their faces were white, but their bare feet were as brown as Lillie’s.
“Wait! Mr. MacDougal is sleeping and—”
“Mamaw wouldn’t let us come
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