drunk."
"Real drunk, I suppose."
"Right," I said. "Real drunk."
He looked sickened by me. "You're wasting your goddamned life, Chase. You've gotten yourself involved in something that's going to bring down your whole family. And you're going to wind up in prison again. Or worse."
He didn't even look at me anymore. He just walked through the doorway, slamming the door hard behind him.
I lay there, quiet, still hurting from where he'd jammed his finger into my rib.
20
Gillian put a match to the kerosene lamp and then held the light close to my face and looked over what they'd done to me.
I watched her closely in the flickering lamplight, older-looking tonight than usual, her eyes moving swiftly up and down my face, showing no emotion at all when she got to the black and blue places. She didn't touch me. I knew she was angry.
I'd been home ten minutes, sitting at the kitchen table, rolling a cigarette in the dark, trying to wake neither Gillian nor Annie, but then I'd dropped my cigarette, and when I went to get it, my rib hurt so bad I made a noise, and that had awakened Gillian.
Now she finished with her examination and set the lamp down in the middle of the table and went around and sat across the table from me.
She just kept biting her lip and frowning.
"Two Mexes," I said, keeping my voice low with Annie asleep in the other room.
"Don't say anything, Chase."
"I'm just trying to explain-"
"You're not trying to explain anything. You're lying, that's what you're doing."
"But Gillian, listen-"
"You got yourself involved in that robbery somehow, and it all went wrong just the way I knew it would, and now Reeves is after you."
She started crying. No warning at all.
I sat there in the lamp-flick dark with the woman I'd loved so long, knowing how much I'd let her down. To get Reeves the way I wanted to get Reeves meant destroying her in the process.
"I'm sorry, Gillian."
"No, you're not."
"Well, I wish I was sorry, at any rate. I just wish I didn't hate him so much."
"And I just wish Annie didn't love you so much." She went to bed. I sat there a long time. After a while I blew out the lamp and just sat in the moonlight. I had some whiskey and I rolled two cigarettes and I sort of talked to my dead brothers the way you sort of talk to dead folks, and I thought of Annie in her white dress in the sunshine and I thought of sad Gillian, who'd been done nothing but wrong by men all her life.
It was near dawn when I went to bed and slid in beside her.
21
The next day, I fell back into my routine as husband and father and policeman.
Before work I went up the hill and knelt down by the deserted well. The day was gray and overcast. The wind, as I pulled the well cover back, was cold and biting. I could smell snow on the air.
Last night I'd dreamt that I'd run up the hill to the well only to find it empty. Behind me stood Lundgren and Mars. When I found that they'd taken the money, they'd started laughing, and then Lundgren had leaned over and pushed me down the well.
The rope still dangled from the spike. I reached down and gripped it and pulled the canvas money sack up the long dark hole.
I put the sack on the ground and greedily tore it open and reached inside.
I pulled up a handful of greenbacks and just stared at them momentarily. I gripped the money tight, as if I had my hands around Reeves' neck.
"You're destroying this family, Chase. That's what you're doing."
In the wind, I hadn't heard Gillian come up the hill. She stood no more than two feet behind me. She wore a shawl over her faded gingham dress. She looked old again, and scared and weary, and I tried hard not to hate myself for what I was doing.
"This
"Real drunk, I suppose."
"Right," I said. "Real drunk."
He looked sickened by me. "You're wasting your goddamned life, Chase. You've gotten yourself involved in something that's going to bring down your whole family. And you're going to wind up in prison again. Or worse."
He didn't even look at me anymore. He just walked through the doorway, slamming the door hard behind him.
I lay there, quiet, still hurting from where he'd jammed his finger into my rib.
20
Gillian put a match to the kerosene lamp and then held the light close to my face and looked over what they'd done to me.
I watched her closely in the flickering lamplight, older-looking tonight than usual, her eyes moving swiftly up and down my face, showing no emotion at all when she got to the black and blue places. She didn't touch me. I knew she was angry.
I'd been home ten minutes, sitting at the kitchen table, rolling a cigarette in the dark, trying to wake neither Gillian nor Annie, but then I'd dropped my cigarette, and when I went to get it, my rib hurt so bad I made a noise, and that had awakened Gillian.
Now she finished with her examination and set the lamp down in the middle of the table and went around and sat across the table from me.
She just kept biting her lip and frowning.
"Two Mexes," I said, keeping my voice low with Annie asleep in the other room.
"Don't say anything, Chase."
"I'm just trying to explain-"
"You're not trying to explain anything. You're lying, that's what you're doing."
"But Gillian, listen-"
"You got yourself involved in that robbery somehow, and it all went wrong just the way I knew it would, and now Reeves is after you."
She started crying. No warning at all.
I sat there in the lamp-flick dark with the woman I'd loved so long, knowing how much I'd let her down. To get Reeves the way I wanted to get Reeves meant destroying her in the process.
"I'm sorry, Gillian."
"No, you're not."
"Well, I wish I was sorry, at any rate. I just wish I didn't hate him so much."
"And I just wish Annie didn't love you so much." She went to bed. I sat there a long time. After a while I blew out the lamp and just sat in the moonlight. I had some whiskey and I rolled two cigarettes and I sort of talked to my dead brothers the way you sort of talk to dead folks, and I thought of Annie in her white dress in the sunshine and I thought of sad Gillian, who'd been done nothing but wrong by men all her life.
It was near dawn when I went to bed and slid in beside her.
21
The next day, I fell back into my routine as husband and father and policeman.
Before work I went up the hill and knelt down by the deserted well. The day was gray and overcast. The wind, as I pulled the well cover back, was cold and biting. I could smell snow on the air.
Last night I'd dreamt that I'd run up the hill to the well only to find it empty. Behind me stood Lundgren and Mars. When I found that they'd taken the money, they'd started laughing, and then Lundgren had leaned over and pushed me down the well.
The rope still dangled from the spike. I reached down and gripped it and pulled the canvas money sack up the long dark hole.
I put the sack on the ground and greedily tore it open and reached inside.
I pulled up a handful of greenbacks and just stared at them momentarily. I gripped the money tight, as if I had my hands around Reeves' neck.
"You're destroying this family, Chase. That's what you're doing."
In the wind, I hadn't heard Gillian come up the hill. She stood no more than two feet behind me. She wore a shawl over her faded gingham dress. She looked old again, and scared and weary, and I tried hard not to hate myself for what I was doing.
"This
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