got inside my head. She hit on me months ago. I refused, which, by the way, I should get some points for. I thought I got away unscathed, but now I’m not so sure.”
“Did she touch you?”
“She cupped my balls.” I shifted a little in my chair and cleared my throat, prompting Shu to arch an eyebrow. “Does that count?”
“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” She sloshed a lot more vodka into her glass. “I thought you were crazy, but not batshit crazy. Making deals to kill gods and trying to bed the Goddess of Light? Anyone would think you had a god complex.”
“I’m not a god.”
“What’s a god but a magically endowed epic asshole with a pedigree?”
“I don’t have the pedigree. Besides, soul eaters aren’t gods. We’re the monsters the gods try to kick under their Persian rugs.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can’t kill Thoth, and you can’t fuck Isis.”
I reached across the desk, took the bottle back, and refilled my glass. “That’s what I told Ozzy. He threw me against a wall.”
Shu breathed in, held the breath, and then looked around my office, probably imagining all the ways she could tear into me. “Three months? Right around the time Bastet was here?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I replied, wondering what Bastet had to do with any of this. “Osiris lifted part of the curse, allowing me to walk freely in the underworld.”
“I wondered how you’d managed that,” she murmured, thinking.
“In exchange, I have to kill Thoth.”
“Why does Osiris want Thoth dead?”
“Thoth and Isis have been meeting in secret. I’m not entirely sure Osiris trusts his wife.”
“Yah think?” Shu’s eyes widened. “Were they screwing?”
“I spoke to Thoth when the cops hauled me in. He and Isis have been meeting in secret—that part’s true—but whatever they’re talking about is important enough to keep from Osiris. Maybe Thoth’s her psychiatrist, or maybe they share book recommendations? How the hell should I know? I warned him Ozzy would retaliate.”
“You warned him?”
“I didn’t come right out and say it, but I may have hinted at it. I owed him for getting me off those trespassing charges.”
“Are you fucking Isis?”
“Only in my head.” I swished vodka around my mouth, letting it burn my taste buds, and swallowed deep.
Shu pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “So, let me get this straight. You set fire to Osiris’s house and told him that not only are you not going to kill Thoth, thereby breaking your word, but you also want to fuck his wife?”
“That about sums it up.”
“I should never let you leave this office alone. After this, you answer the phone and I do the jobs.” Shu threw back her drink in one go, and with a hiss, she added, “We’re doomed. If Osiris doesn’t kill you, Thoth will, and I’ll get an extended vacation where I’ll have my guts torn out.”
“That was my conclusion too.”
She was taking it well. No spells, no throwing things.
She tapped her fingernails against her glass. “I may as well call Anubis and book an eternity of torture.” Her glare narrowed. “ Could you kill Thoth?”
I spluttered my drink. “I could try and get my ass handed to me. He’s Ra’s son. He could throw a word and boil my blood. What am I going to hit him with? My bad attitude?”
“You are gorged with power.” She leaned forward, looking deeper into my eyes, searching for that dark inside of me, the kind I kept buried deep. “There won’t be a better time to test out that new name, Godkiller .”
“I didn’t kill Ammit,” I shot back on reflex. I was getting the feeling she didn’t believe me. “I don’t know if I can kill a god, and trying seems like a great way to die.”
“Okay, so we have two days to come up with a solution. I need you coherent, not running off on some personal vendetta to kill all witches. You need to let me do the spell so I can figure out what’s fuelling your witch-killing spree.”
She
“Did she touch you?”
“She cupped my balls.” I shifted a little in my chair and cleared my throat, prompting Shu to arch an eyebrow. “Does that count?”
“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” She sloshed a lot more vodka into her glass. “I thought you were crazy, but not batshit crazy. Making deals to kill gods and trying to bed the Goddess of Light? Anyone would think you had a god complex.”
“I’m not a god.”
“What’s a god but a magically endowed epic asshole with a pedigree?”
“I don’t have the pedigree. Besides, soul eaters aren’t gods. We’re the monsters the gods try to kick under their Persian rugs.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can’t kill Thoth, and you can’t fuck Isis.”
I reached across the desk, took the bottle back, and refilled my glass. “That’s what I told Ozzy. He threw me against a wall.”
Shu breathed in, held the breath, and then looked around my office, probably imagining all the ways she could tear into me. “Three months? Right around the time Bastet was here?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I replied, wondering what Bastet had to do with any of this. “Osiris lifted part of the curse, allowing me to walk freely in the underworld.”
“I wondered how you’d managed that,” she murmured, thinking.
“In exchange, I have to kill Thoth.”
“Why does Osiris want Thoth dead?”
“Thoth and Isis have been meeting in secret. I’m not entirely sure Osiris trusts his wife.”
“Yah think?” Shu’s eyes widened. “Were they screwing?”
“I spoke to Thoth when the cops hauled me in. He and Isis have been meeting in secret—that part’s true—but whatever they’re talking about is important enough to keep from Osiris. Maybe Thoth’s her psychiatrist, or maybe they share book recommendations? How the hell should I know? I warned him Ozzy would retaliate.”
“You warned him?”
“I didn’t come right out and say it, but I may have hinted at it. I owed him for getting me off those trespassing charges.”
“Are you fucking Isis?”
“Only in my head.” I swished vodka around my mouth, letting it burn my taste buds, and swallowed deep.
Shu pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “So, let me get this straight. You set fire to Osiris’s house and told him that not only are you not going to kill Thoth, thereby breaking your word, but you also want to fuck his wife?”
“That about sums it up.”
“I should never let you leave this office alone. After this, you answer the phone and I do the jobs.” Shu threw back her drink in one go, and with a hiss, she added, “We’re doomed. If Osiris doesn’t kill you, Thoth will, and I’ll get an extended vacation where I’ll have my guts torn out.”
“That was my conclusion too.”
She was taking it well. No spells, no throwing things.
She tapped her fingernails against her glass. “I may as well call Anubis and book an eternity of torture.” Her glare narrowed. “ Could you kill Thoth?”
I spluttered my drink. “I could try and get my ass handed to me. He’s Ra’s son. He could throw a word and boil my blood. What am I going to hit him with? My bad attitude?”
“You are gorged with power.” She leaned forward, looking deeper into my eyes, searching for that dark inside of me, the kind I kept buried deep. “There won’t be a better time to test out that new name, Godkiller .”
“I didn’t kill Ammit,” I shot back on reflex. I was getting the feeling she didn’t believe me. “I don’t know if I can kill a god, and trying seems like a great way to die.”
“Okay, so we have two days to come up with a solution. I need you coherent, not running off on some personal vendetta to kill all witches. You need to let me do the spell so I can figure out what’s fuelling your witch-killing spree.”
She
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