same thing. I had to stop. I wouldn’t allow myself to be like her.
Why would a mother abandon her daughter? We were so close. I was with her all the time and I was worthy of eight years. Eight years was all she gave me. How could she turn off her love for someone that was part of her? I came out here with her and I knew Annie. I would’ve accepted her and the lifestyle she chose. I don’t buy the bullshit she didn’t want to take me from my father. She didn’t want me. She wanted to be free of me. Why else would she not contact me in nineteen years, if she cared? I wrapped my arms around myself to warm up. I became colder now, shivering from the inside.
A few minutes later Annie came out and sat silently next to me in the sand. “I’m sorry this happened to you,” I said without looking at her.
Annie shrugged her shoulders and took a long drag off her cigarette.
“And I’m sorry it happened to you. I’m sorry I lied to your father when he came here. I should have told him. You lost a mother. I’m lucky in a way, Gabriella. I found the love of my life. I had her for a little while, yet the time I had with her was unforgettable. I loved her like I’ve never loved anyone, nor will I ever love anyone like her.”
“So did my dad. Not only did she leave her daughter, but she left her husband. My dad drank for years after she walked out on us. My life was far from easy,” I said.
“What she did to both of you was wrong, I’ll admit that. I’m so sorry. If I could change what happened, I would. Though, I won’t admit loving her was wrong. That I can’t change. Yes, I should’ve been tougher with her. She had a roving eye and I was so afraid she would leave me. I told her she had to make contact with you both and she ignored me, that’s why I wrote the letter to you. That was the biggest issue we fought about.” I didn’t say anything and Annie continued.
“I have her address where she apparently lives, if you want to know, Gabriella.”
I shook my head no. “No, I don’t want her address, Annie. She had my address for close to twenty years and didn’t bother to contact me. Possibly someday, but not now.”
* * * * *
I settled into my cottage for the night. I was restless and out of sorts. I bawled, yelled, and paced the floor to make sense of my life. I was freezing and went to get an extra blanket out of the closet. Though the month was August and humid, I was so cold and couldn’t get warm. I couldn’t shut my mind off of the conversation I’d had with Annie. My mom’s sexuality never crossed my mind. Hell, I don’t care what anyone is. People are people and none of the same sex bullshit ever mattered to me. I would have loved her no matter what.
Like the news about Kris, I wondered if my dad knew about this? I wanted to call him, but the cottage didn’t have phone service, so making calls would have to wait until I was back on the road. All these years and he thought she left because of him. All the years I thought I did something wrong. Why didn’t she tell us? I would have understood. You can't stop what your heart feels.
Maybe that’s what Kris felt. He may have truly loved Hilary, but he couldn’t tell me. He wanted her and didn’t want to hurt me. People do crazy things for love. That’s why I was going to avoid ever falling in love at all cost.
Sleep overtook me. The next day the sun streamed through the windows welcoming me to a new day. I had to get home and stop running. What happened with Kris was raw and hurtful and cut through me. I had to grab a hold of myself and not let the sadness take me to a dark place again. I had to stop wondering where my mom was or what happened to her. I had closure now, knowing why she left. My mom leaving wasn’t because of me or my dad, and I felt some relief over that. I walked to the cottage and said goodbye to Annie, promised to be by again, and took her cell number in case I wanted to talk to her. I told her I didn’t blame her
Why would a mother abandon her daughter? We were so close. I was with her all the time and I was worthy of eight years. Eight years was all she gave me. How could she turn off her love for someone that was part of her? I came out here with her and I knew Annie. I would’ve accepted her and the lifestyle she chose. I don’t buy the bullshit she didn’t want to take me from my father. She didn’t want me. She wanted to be free of me. Why else would she not contact me in nineteen years, if she cared? I wrapped my arms around myself to warm up. I became colder now, shivering from the inside.
A few minutes later Annie came out and sat silently next to me in the sand. “I’m sorry this happened to you,” I said without looking at her.
Annie shrugged her shoulders and took a long drag off her cigarette.
“And I’m sorry it happened to you. I’m sorry I lied to your father when he came here. I should have told him. You lost a mother. I’m lucky in a way, Gabriella. I found the love of my life. I had her for a little while, yet the time I had with her was unforgettable. I loved her like I’ve never loved anyone, nor will I ever love anyone like her.”
“So did my dad. Not only did she leave her daughter, but she left her husband. My dad drank for years after she walked out on us. My life was far from easy,” I said.
“What she did to both of you was wrong, I’ll admit that. I’m so sorry. If I could change what happened, I would. Though, I won’t admit loving her was wrong. That I can’t change. Yes, I should’ve been tougher with her. She had a roving eye and I was so afraid she would leave me. I told her she had to make contact with you both and she ignored me, that’s why I wrote the letter to you. That was the biggest issue we fought about.” I didn’t say anything and Annie continued.
“I have her address where she apparently lives, if you want to know, Gabriella.”
I shook my head no. “No, I don’t want her address, Annie. She had my address for close to twenty years and didn’t bother to contact me. Possibly someday, but not now.”
* * * * *
I settled into my cottage for the night. I was restless and out of sorts. I bawled, yelled, and paced the floor to make sense of my life. I was freezing and went to get an extra blanket out of the closet. Though the month was August and humid, I was so cold and couldn’t get warm. I couldn’t shut my mind off of the conversation I’d had with Annie. My mom’s sexuality never crossed my mind. Hell, I don’t care what anyone is. People are people and none of the same sex bullshit ever mattered to me. I would have loved her no matter what.
Like the news about Kris, I wondered if my dad knew about this? I wanted to call him, but the cottage didn’t have phone service, so making calls would have to wait until I was back on the road. All these years and he thought she left because of him. All the years I thought I did something wrong. Why didn’t she tell us? I would have understood. You can't stop what your heart feels.
Maybe that’s what Kris felt. He may have truly loved Hilary, but he couldn’t tell me. He wanted her and didn’t want to hurt me. People do crazy things for love. That’s why I was going to avoid ever falling in love at all cost.
Sleep overtook me. The next day the sun streamed through the windows welcoming me to a new day. I had to get home and stop running. What happened with Kris was raw and hurtful and cut through me. I had to grab a hold of myself and not let the sadness take me to a dark place again. I had to stop wondering where my mom was or what happened to her. I had closure now, knowing why she left. My mom leaving wasn’t because of me or my dad, and I felt some relief over that. I walked to the cottage and said goodbye to Annie, promised to be by again, and took her cell number in case I wanted to talk to her. I told her I didn’t blame her
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