too quiet, too controlled, 'tonight, I
nearly became your lover—there on that carpet or here on this bed. It
wouldn't have mattered much, and I know damned well it would have
mattered even less to you, so don't start carrying on as if I was some
despoiler of innocence. And no matter how you may delude yourself about
your feeling for my errant nephew, under your well- brought-up exterior,
my sweet, you are all woman, so stop punishing us both for something that
didn't happen anyway.' He paused. 'Or are you punishing me because it
didn't happen?'
Catriona wrenched her hand free and hit him hard acres - the face, then
stopped, appalled at what she had done and fearful that he might enact some
reprisal. Jason got slowly to his feet and stood looking down at her, his eyes
chips of glazing steel.
'Enjoy your punishment,' he said softly, and went from her. She heard the
outer door close behind him and hugged her arms convulsively across her
body, trying to suppress the long, deep shiver that ran through her.
The small hard shape of Jeremy's ring pressed into her flesh. He might
belong to Helen now, but his ring was hers and if she could no longer regard
it as a love token, then, at least it would be a talisman to keep her safe.
But from whom? a sly inner voice seemed to be asking. From Jason
Lord—or from herself? And to that Catriona could find no answer, either
then or in the long night that followed.
She still felt listless as she made her way to her new job the following
Monday morning. She and Sally had spent a quiet weekend shopping for
groceries and cleaning the flat, and on Sunday they had taken sandwiches
and had a picnic lunch in Hyde Park, followed by a drowsy evening playing
desultory Scrabble and watching television.
In many ways Catriona blamed herself for what had happened with Jason.
She acknowledged that she had wondered what it would be like to be in his
arms. Well, now she knew, and much good the knowledge had done her. At
least now she had proved to herself exactly what form his relationship with
a woman took, she thought bitterly. He had said some hard things about
Jeremy, but was he any better himself? At least Jeremy had never tried to
seduce her. If a small voice inside her pointed out that that was because she
had been on her guard against allowing any such situation to develop in the
past, she ignored it. She told herself resolutely that it was just as well she
had found out what Jason was before she got any silly ideas about him in her
head, although she didn't allow herself to specify the exact form her
'silliness' might have taken.
The most hurtful part of it all was that no mention of the word 'love' had ever
passed his lips. Catriona had always been led to believe that men with
seduction on their minds always told a girl they loved her first. She
supposed she should be grateful that Jason had enough respect for her
intelligence not to try such a well-worn subterfuge with her, but all it made
her feel was cold and empty.
She wondered about returning to Scotland, but what was there for her there?
She had no home now, and no job, both of which were available to her here
in London, even if peace of mind was not. It seemed as if one chapter of her
life had closed, but as yet she had no idea what the future could hold for her
apart from heartache.
Her rather sombre thoughts kept her occupied during the ride on the
Underground and the short bus journey which took her to the wide tree-lined
road where the house belonging to the Trust was situated. Catriona was glad
in a way that she had decided to take this job instead of plunging into the
hurly-burly of a big general office where her heart- sore condition might
have been more obvious and she might have become the object of unwanted
speculation by the other girls.
In spite of her emotional dejection, Catriona could not help enjoying the feel
of the sun on her face as she walked along or even
nearly became your lover—there on that carpet or here on this bed. It
wouldn't have mattered much, and I know damned well it would have
mattered even less to you, so don't start carrying on as if I was some
despoiler of innocence. And no matter how you may delude yourself about
your feeling for my errant nephew, under your well- brought-up exterior,
my sweet, you are all woman, so stop punishing us both for something that
didn't happen anyway.' He paused. 'Or are you punishing me because it
didn't happen?'
Catriona wrenched her hand free and hit him hard acres - the face, then
stopped, appalled at what she had done and fearful that he might enact some
reprisal. Jason got slowly to his feet and stood looking down at her, his eyes
chips of glazing steel.
'Enjoy your punishment,' he said softly, and went from her. She heard the
outer door close behind him and hugged her arms convulsively across her
body, trying to suppress the long, deep shiver that ran through her.
The small hard shape of Jeremy's ring pressed into her flesh. He might
belong to Helen now, but his ring was hers and if she could no longer regard
it as a love token, then, at least it would be a talisman to keep her safe.
But from whom? a sly inner voice seemed to be asking. From Jason
Lord—or from herself? And to that Catriona could find no answer, either
then or in the long night that followed.
She still felt listless as she made her way to her new job the following
Monday morning. She and Sally had spent a quiet weekend shopping for
groceries and cleaning the flat, and on Sunday they had taken sandwiches
and had a picnic lunch in Hyde Park, followed by a drowsy evening playing
desultory Scrabble and watching television.
In many ways Catriona blamed herself for what had happened with Jason.
She acknowledged that she had wondered what it would be like to be in his
arms. Well, now she knew, and much good the knowledge had done her. At
least now she had proved to herself exactly what form his relationship with
a woman took, she thought bitterly. He had said some hard things about
Jeremy, but was he any better himself? At least Jeremy had never tried to
seduce her. If a small voice inside her pointed out that that was because she
had been on her guard against allowing any such situation to develop in the
past, she ignored it. She told herself resolutely that it was just as well she
had found out what Jason was before she got any silly ideas about him in her
head, although she didn't allow herself to specify the exact form her
'silliness' might have taken.
The most hurtful part of it all was that no mention of the word 'love' had ever
passed his lips. Catriona had always been led to believe that men with
seduction on their minds always told a girl they loved her first. She
supposed she should be grateful that Jason had enough respect for her
intelligence not to try such a well-worn subterfuge with her, but all it made
her feel was cold and empty.
She wondered about returning to Scotland, but what was there for her there?
She had no home now, and no job, both of which were available to her here
in London, even if peace of mind was not. It seemed as if one chapter of her
life had closed, but as yet she had no idea what the future could hold for her
apart from heartache.
Her rather sombre thoughts kept her occupied during the ride on the
Underground and the short bus journey which took her to the wide tree-lined
road where the house belonging to the Trust was situated. Catriona was glad
in a way that she had decided to take this job instead of plunging into the
hurly-burly of a big general office where her heart- sore condition might
have been more obvious and she might have become the object of unwanted
speculation by the other girls.
In spite of her emotional dejection, Catriona could not help enjoying the feel
of the sun on her face as she walked along or even
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