coming out of long-term addiction to multiple drugs probably shouldn’t risk the occasional beer. I used oxy for thirty days and don’t really know how long my addiction was and, by the grace of God, I got caught the first time I tried to buy it on the street. My chances of getting beyond that? I’d say they’re good! To tell you the truth, that’s the least of my problems—I don’t even want a painkiller. I have aches and pains, but a life I didn’t choose was left to me. And I have a big brother who can’t back off and let me figure things out.”
“The lifestyle change must be so hard for you.”
“You have no idea,” he said. “If it’s not bad enough that I’m starting over, I’m forty with a sketchy record of rehab and other stuff, and a whole crop of twenty-five-year-old hotshots ready to fill my slot. Now look, I’m not going to go off the deep end. I’m not going to complain or take drugs or drink myself into a blind stupor, but if Luke doesn’t stop riding me and taking my temperature all the time, I might just go completely crazy. Or deck him. Or move. After all—most of this is his fault.”
Shelby sat up a bit straighter. “Luke’s fault?”
“I struggled to keep up with him my whole life. I admired him so much, I watched every move he made. But I wanted to be a helicopter pilot from the first time I saw one banking across the sky. Then Luke stumbled into a chopper pilot slot in the Army and made it look fun and easy. He made it look like it was his idea. For me, it was way more than that.” He leaned toward her. “Shelby, it was the best thing I ever did in my life. It became my passion, my lover, my best friend. I know Luke hates this, but I was good. I was a natural. If Luke was good, and he was, then I was incredible. That machine was made for me. I love flying.”
“Luke said your first words when you became conscious after the wreck were that you were going to fly again.”
“I wasn’t able to pull that off,” he said.
“I’m not sure you have to give it up,” Shelby said. “Maybe for a while, while you heal body and soul, but not forever. Let’s not fall off that bridge yet.”
“Aw, skip it. There are plenty of ex-Army chopper pilots out there looking for work, Shelby. Shake a tree and ten of ’em fall out.”
“So? Then?”
“Down the road I might find a flying job of some kind that’s a little out there—something the average family man wouldn’t take. To and from oil rigs, wilderness stuff, I don’t know. That’s in the future. Right now I’m going to see how it works to paint for a while. I don’t hate it. I never hated it. My mom and all my high school teachers wanted me to go to college and study art, but art was just too tame for me. But now I’m a little slower, so… I just don’t know if it’s going to be enough. The reason I came up here instead of going to Montgomery where Sean lives or Chico where Aiden is—there’s some wildlife here. Ineed a little more time to get stronger. I’m working with some weights. I’m making an effort. But this isn’t permanent, me being here. This is temporary.”
“We know that.”
“I’ll visit more often than I have in the past,” he said. “That little guy, I think he needs me to offset his father….”
“Be nice now,” Shelby said with a smile. “That’s the man I love.”
“Imagine,” he said with a laugh. “I don’t know how he caught you.”
Shelby stood. “I caught him. He fought me all the way.”
Colin stood. “See? He’s an inferior being.”
“Now that I know you’re fine, even if you are missing a good dinner, I’m taking off.”
“Tell him what we talked about. Tell him I’m sorry I lost it. I don’t hate him. I just need him to give me space.”
She looked over her shoulder at Colin. “I’ll tell him what we talked about. You tell him you’re sorry and what you need. You’re grown-up men. By now you should be able to do this.”
“We can’t ever
“The lifestyle change must be so hard for you.”
“You have no idea,” he said. “If it’s not bad enough that I’m starting over, I’m forty with a sketchy record of rehab and other stuff, and a whole crop of twenty-five-year-old hotshots ready to fill my slot. Now look, I’m not going to go off the deep end. I’m not going to complain or take drugs or drink myself into a blind stupor, but if Luke doesn’t stop riding me and taking my temperature all the time, I might just go completely crazy. Or deck him. Or move. After all—most of this is his fault.”
Shelby sat up a bit straighter. “Luke’s fault?”
“I struggled to keep up with him my whole life. I admired him so much, I watched every move he made. But I wanted to be a helicopter pilot from the first time I saw one banking across the sky. Then Luke stumbled into a chopper pilot slot in the Army and made it look fun and easy. He made it look like it was his idea. For me, it was way more than that.” He leaned toward her. “Shelby, it was the best thing I ever did in my life. It became my passion, my lover, my best friend. I know Luke hates this, but I was good. I was a natural. If Luke was good, and he was, then I was incredible. That machine was made for me. I love flying.”
“Luke said your first words when you became conscious after the wreck were that you were going to fly again.”
“I wasn’t able to pull that off,” he said.
“I’m not sure you have to give it up,” Shelby said. “Maybe for a while, while you heal body and soul, but not forever. Let’s not fall off that bridge yet.”
“Aw, skip it. There are plenty of ex-Army chopper pilots out there looking for work, Shelby. Shake a tree and ten of ’em fall out.”
“So? Then?”
“Down the road I might find a flying job of some kind that’s a little out there—something the average family man wouldn’t take. To and from oil rigs, wilderness stuff, I don’t know. That’s in the future. Right now I’m going to see how it works to paint for a while. I don’t hate it. I never hated it. My mom and all my high school teachers wanted me to go to college and study art, but art was just too tame for me. But now I’m a little slower, so… I just don’t know if it’s going to be enough. The reason I came up here instead of going to Montgomery where Sean lives or Chico where Aiden is—there’s some wildlife here. Ineed a little more time to get stronger. I’m working with some weights. I’m making an effort. But this isn’t permanent, me being here. This is temporary.”
“We know that.”
“I’ll visit more often than I have in the past,” he said. “That little guy, I think he needs me to offset his father….”
“Be nice now,” Shelby said with a smile. “That’s the man I love.”
“Imagine,” he said with a laugh. “I don’t know how he caught you.”
Shelby stood. “I caught him. He fought me all the way.”
Colin stood. “See? He’s an inferior being.”
“Now that I know you’re fine, even if you are missing a good dinner, I’m taking off.”
“Tell him what we talked about. Tell him I’m sorry I lost it. I don’t hate him. I just need him to give me space.”
She looked over her shoulder at Colin. “I’ll tell him what we talked about. You tell him you’re sorry and what you need. You’re grown-up men. By now you should be able to do this.”
“We can’t ever
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