leaned against him. The sun had begun to set, and a hundred mirrors glimmered on the water below the reeds, and the swamp grass rustled out in front of them, and a blue heron flapped its wings and rose into the air.
He tucked a wisp of her hair behind her ear and she winced inwardly, remembering the night she saw him do this to Jules. But she didn’t show it. What was important right now was that he felt wanted, that he know she was still capable of pleasing him.
She ran her hands along the muscles of his shoulders. She undid the top few buttons of his pale-blue linen shirt, and gazing lustily into his eyes, she kissed his chest. She undid another button and kissed him again, a little lower on his chest.
He pulled her softly up to a standing position and she was relieved when she saw that his face had softened and flushed with the first wispy stirrings of desire.
They kissed.
Each touch of Lilah’s lips to Carter’s skin reminded him of the night he’d done this with Jules. The vision of her in her bikini top and her low-slung red wrap, swayingher hips, that mischievous dare twinkling in her eyes, pressed itself into Carter’s mind and wouldn’t leave. He kissed Lilah more deeply. He slid his hand under her blouse and ran his fingers along the smooth skin of her stomach, tracing the lacy contours of her bra. But no matter how hard he tried, he felt like he was just going through the motions, his heart quiet and tortured at the same time.
Lilah sensed how far away Carter was. “What’s wrong now,” she said, disgust edging into her voice.
“I’m sorry,” Carter said, pulling away from her and rebuttoning his shirt. “I’ve got about ten thousand things on my mind.”
The pitying look on his face was excruciating, humiliating to see. He was right there in front of her, claiming to be her boyfriend, acting like her boyfriend. But he didn’t
want
her. Why? There could only be one reason.
“Yeah,” she said bitterly. “And none of them is me. It’s like you don’t even like me anymore.”
“I do like you, Lilah,” he said. “I’m . . . I’m trying my best.”
She barely nodded. “Sure,” she said. “Whatever. It’s ruined now, anyway.”
As Carter drove back toward Dream Point, they barely said a word to each other. The golden magic-hour light seemed to mock them. Carter felt hopeless, trapped. He wondered if he’d ever find the love he usedto feel for Lilah again. He daydreamed about Pennsylvania, far away from this little beach town, sitting at his desk with a stack of books in front of him, gazing out his window at the fall leaves, smelling the burnt air of a real autumn for once. But no matter how he tried to see Lilah by his side, the person he saw himself wandering through campus with was Jules.
He reached over and squeezed Lilah’s hand.
“We’ve just got to make it to August,” he said unconvincingly. “And then we’ll escape together to UPenn. Everything will get better then.”
Tears welled in Lilah’s eyes. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “Maybe. That would be nice.” But she knew this wouldn’t solve the problems between them.
She turned toward the door and watched the palm groves stream by. Her face hardened. Her tactics weren’t working. She’d have to try harder. She was sure that these problems had been caused by Jules. She’d have to change strategy. She’d have to find some way to show Carter that Jules wasn’t worth his love, to nullify all threats to her relationship.
21
April 22, 10:46 p.m.
NEW TEXT FROM CARTER MOORE
Daisy on Idol?! U cd totally kick her ass!
April 24, 11:12 a.m.
NEW TEXT FROM CARTER MOORE
How R U anyway? Haven’t seen U around lately :)
22
A fire was growing inside Lilah. It burned and burned. The only way to get rid of it was to light something else up—Jules. She’d incinerate her. When she was done with Jules, Carter would see that he’d been wrong to have ever been charmed by the girl. He’d remember
He tucked a wisp of her hair behind her ear and she winced inwardly, remembering the night she saw him do this to Jules. But she didn’t show it. What was important right now was that he felt wanted, that he know she was still capable of pleasing him.
She ran her hands along the muscles of his shoulders. She undid the top few buttons of his pale-blue linen shirt, and gazing lustily into his eyes, she kissed his chest. She undid another button and kissed him again, a little lower on his chest.
He pulled her softly up to a standing position and she was relieved when she saw that his face had softened and flushed with the first wispy stirrings of desire.
They kissed.
Each touch of Lilah’s lips to Carter’s skin reminded him of the night he’d done this with Jules. The vision of her in her bikini top and her low-slung red wrap, swayingher hips, that mischievous dare twinkling in her eyes, pressed itself into Carter’s mind and wouldn’t leave. He kissed Lilah more deeply. He slid his hand under her blouse and ran his fingers along the smooth skin of her stomach, tracing the lacy contours of her bra. But no matter how hard he tried, he felt like he was just going through the motions, his heart quiet and tortured at the same time.
Lilah sensed how far away Carter was. “What’s wrong now,” she said, disgust edging into her voice.
“I’m sorry,” Carter said, pulling away from her and rebuttoning his shirt. “I’ve got about ten thousand things on my mind.”
The pitying look on his face was excruciating, humiliating to see. He was right there in front of her, claiming to be her boyfriend, acting like her boyfriend. But he didn’t
want
her. Why? There could only be one reason.
“Yeah,” she said bitterly. “And none of them is me. It’s like you don’t even like me anymore.”
“I do like you, Lilah,” he said. “I’m . . . I’m trying my best.”
She barely nodded. “Sure,” she said. “Whatever. It’s ruined now, anyway.”
As Carter drove back toward Dream Point, they barely said a word to each other. The golden magic-hour light seemed to mock them. Carter felt hopeless, trapped. He wondered if he’d ever find the love he usedto feel for Lilah again. He daydreamed about Pennsylvania, far away from this little beach town, sitting at his desk with a stack of books in front of him, gazing out his window at the fall leaves, smelling the burnt air of a real autumn for once. But no matter how he tried to see Lilah by his side, the person he saw himself wandering through campus with was Jules.
He reached over and squeezed Lilah’s hand.
“We’ve just got to make it to August,” he said unconvincingly. “And then we’ll escape together to UPenn. Everything will get better then.”
Tears welled in Lilah’s eyes. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “Maybe. That would be nice.” But she knew this wouldn’t solve the problems between them.
She turned toward the door and watched the palm groves stream by. Her face hardened. Her tactics weren’t working. She’d have to try harder. She was sure that these problems had been caused by Jules. She’d have to change strategy. She’d have to find some way to show Carter that Jules wasn’t worth his love, to nullify all threats to her relationship.
21
April 22, 10:46 p.m.
NEW TEXT FROM CARTER MOORE
Daisy on Idol?! U cd totally kick her ass!
April 24, 11:12 a.m.
NEW TEXT FROM CARTER MOORE
How R U anyway? Haven’t seen U around lately :)
22
A fire was growing inside Lilah. It burned and burned. The only way to get rid of it was to light something else up—Jules. She’d incinerate her. When she was done with Jules, Carter would see that he’d been wrong to have ever been charmed by the girl. He’d remember
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