there any other questions, concerns?" he asked.
"Not at the moment, no. You are a big help.
Thank you. Professor."
I stood up, and he rose quickly to extend his hand.
"Welcome, and I hope you will have a very successful and enjoyable experience here."
"Thank you."
He nodded. and I left thinking that he had such an intense way of looking at me. I could still feel his eyes on me even when I got into my car and drove away from the campus.
Almost the moment I arrived back at Java del Mar, I sensed that my mother was going to back out of going to the beauty salon with me. She wasn't dressed and ready as I had hoped. At first I couldn't even find her, and thought she might have gone off looking for Linden on the beach. I called for her as soon as I stepped into the house, but she didn't respond. She wasn't in the small living room or the kitchen, and when I peeked into her bedroom. I didn't see her. The bathroom door was open and she wasn't in there. either.
I stepped out on the loggia and gazed down the beach, but saw no one. Fortunately, out of the corner of my eye, however, I caught sight of her, her hair blowing in the sea breeze as she stood on the beach off to my left, barely visible behind a small knoll. I hurried to her. She didn't turn when I called to her.
She was staring so hard at the sea, her arms folded under her breasts, her body so still, she could have been a statue.
"Mother!" I cried, inches from her.
She shook her head without turning to me.
"Why aren't you dressed and ready to go to lunch with me?"
"I'm sorry," she said quickly, then threw me a very troubled glance, "I can't do it. Go on without me.
Willow."
"Didn't you speak with Jennings and ask him to watch over Linden?"
"Yes, but I still can't go. Willow."
"But why. Mother? Everything has been arranged for us. There is no problem."
For you there is no problem. Willow. I've been here so long, I can’t just pick up and go out there as if nothing happened these past years. Besides, why am I doing this? I don't intend to get into the social scene here, Willow. Let's not fool ourselves. Even when we move back into the main house. I'm not going to have those elaborate parties and do all those things."
"We're not doing it for that. Mother. We're not doing it for anyone but ourselves." I practically moaned. She smiled at me. "It will be good for you I know it will. Please. Mother. try."
"You must not worry about me so much.
Willow. I'm fine as I am. Really." She smiled at me again and patted my hand. "The truth is. I sat at my vanity table after you left to visit your college, and I realized I didn't want to change this face and this hair.
This is who I've become, who I am. Willow. It's the woman your father fell in love with many years ago, the woman who stood on that dock and hoped and prayed he would come to her. I'm not ready to put her away. Do you think you can understand that?" she asked softly.
Of course. I understood. I was trying to do exactly what she didn't want to do: close the door on the past, shut out the darkness, almost re-create myself. I had so few wonderful memories to cherish, few reasons to hold on to my old world.
She had every reason to hold on to the only happiness she had ever known,
"Yes," I said reluctantly.
"Do you mean that, or do you believe I am guilty- of funny fantasy? Are you going to diagnose me with some mental malady and tell me I am only hurting myself?" she asked with a wry smile.
"No, Mother. Psychiatrists don't want you to put away your dreams. Your fantasies serve an important purpose. I wouldn't want anyone to be unable to imagine and dream. It's only when the fantasies take over your life, control it, that the psychiatrists become concerned," I said.
"I suppose my dream has taken over my life, has for some time now, but forgive me for wanting that and not wanting to come back to this," she said, gesturing toward the main house and the extravagant and opulent property that was representative
"Not at the moment, no. You are a big help.
Thank you. Professor."
I stood up, and he rose quickly to extend his hand.
"Welcome, and I hope you will have a very successful and enjoyable experience here."
"Thank you."
He nodded. and I left thinking that he had such an intense way of looking at me. I could still feel his eyes on me even when I got into my car and drove away from the campus.
Almost the moment I arrived back at Java del Mar, I sensed that my mother was going to back out of going to the beauty salon with me. She wasn't dressed and ready as I had hoped. At first I couldn't even find her, and thought she might have gone off looking for Linden on the beach. I called for her as soon as I stepped into the house, but she didn't respond. She wasn't in the small living room or the kitchen, and when I peeked into her bedroom. I didn't see her. The bathroom door was open and she wasn't in there. either.
I stepped out on the loggia and gazed down the beach, but saw no one. Fortunately, out of the corner of my eye, however, I caught sight of her, her hair blowing in the sea breeze as she stood on the beach off to my left, barely visible behind a small knoll. I hurried to her. She didn't turn when I called to her.
She was staring so hard at the sea, her arms folded under her breasts, her body so still, she could have been a statue.
"Mother!" I cried, inches from her.
She shook her head without turning to me.
"Why aren't you dressed and ready to go to lunch with me?"
"I'm sorry," she said quickly, then threw me a very troubled glance, "I can't do it. Go on without me.
Willow."
"Didn't you speak with Jennings and ask him to watch over Linden?"
"Yes, but I still can't go. Willow."
"But why. Mother? Everything has been arranged for us. There is no problem."
For you there is no problem. Willow. I've been here so long, I can’t just pick up and go out there as if nothing happened these past years. Besides, why am I doing this? I don't intend to get into the social scene here, Willow. Let's not fool ourselves. Even when we move back into the main house. I'm not going to have those elaborate parties and do all those things."
"We're not doing it for that. Mother. We're not doing it for anyone but ourselves." I practically moaned. She smiled at me. "It will be good for you I know it will. Please. Mother. try."
"You must not worry about me so much.
Willow. I'm fine as I am. Really." She smiled at me again and patted my hand. "The truth is. I sat at my vanity table after you left to visit your college, and I realized I didn't want to change this face and this hair.
This is who I've become, who I am. Willow. It's the woman your father fell in love with many years ago, the woman who stood on that dock and hoped and prayed he would come to her. I'm not ready to put her away. Do you think you can understand that?" she asked softly.
Of course. I understood. I was trying to do exactly what she didn't want to do: close the door on the past, shut out the darkness, almost re-create myself. I had so few wonderful memories to cherish, few reasons to hold on to my old world.
She had every reason to hold on to the only happiness she had ever known,
"Yes," I said reluctantly.
"Do you mean that, or do you believe I am guilty- of funny fantasy? Are you going to diagnose me with some mental malady and tell me I am only hurting myself?" she asked with a wry smile.
"No, Mother. Psychiatrists don't want you to put away your dreams. Your fantasies serve an important purpose. I wouldn't want anyone to be unable to imagine and dream. It's only when the fantasies take over your life, control it, that the psychiatrists become concerned," I said.
"I suppose my dream has taken over my life, has for some time now, but forgive me for wanting that and not wanting to come back to this," she said, gesturing toward the main house and the extravagant and opulent property that was representative
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