of hurt. “I wasn’t sure I could stand to see pity in your eyes.”
“I wouldn’t have pitied you, Jack. Nobody’s perfect. I just wanted you to talk to me.”
“Mmm. I’m afraid talking doesn’t come easily. I was taught otherwise. When I left for college, I swore to myself I’d never become like them, but you? You scared the living hell out of me. I don’t know how to do this, Beck. What if I couldn’t be what you and Allie needed? What if one day you woke up and realized you were shackled to me? I wasn’t enough for my parents. I was never shown or even told I was important to them. I don’t know how to express emotion, because it was never shown to me.”
Becca stared at his profile, unable to hide her surprise. “You mother never told you she loved you?”
He let out a huff of a laugh, sardonic and bitter. “Oh, she told me. She just never meant it. I was never hugged or kissed. Affection was strictly forbidden, especially in public. So when we married, I reverted to what I knew. Work. I worked my ass off trying to give you and Allie the world and everything in it. Because it’s what I thought y’all deserved.” He shook his head. “It may not be perfect, but it was all I knew.”
He finally glanced over at her, stared at her for a long, aching moment, his eyes reaching, as if searching for something intangible in hers. Then he turned back to the yard.
“I hate saying this to you, because it means I’m going to hurt you again, but I don’t know if I can give you the answer you want. I don’t know if I can say the words you need to hear.”
Pain twisted in her chest. There was the explanation she’d waited for. She needed to hear those words and he couldn’t say them. Which did nothing but make her wonder if he really felt them. Tears sprang to her eyes before she could stop them.
“Forget it. It doesn’t matter anymore.” She shoved away from the railing, pivoted and strode for the door. She needed to be anywhere but in his presence. Before the tears fell. Before he used her weakness against her again.
“I can’t say them because they hold no meaning for me. Do you know how many times someone has said those words to me but not meant them?”
His voice called to her through the darkness. She stopped halfway across the deck and turned. He hadn’t moved. He still stood stiff, staring out over the yard.
“In my world, words like those aren’t spoken from the heart for the need to say them. My mother uses them when trying to persuade me to do something she knows I don’t want to do. My father
never
says those words. No woman but you has ever uttered those words to me and meant them.”
He paused and turned to face her. Despite the darkness and the distance between them, the intensity of his imploring gaze captivated her, made her stay in spite of the little voice in her head warning otherwise.
The pain in his voice, subdued as if he’d tried, but failed, to hide it, got to her. Something inside said she’d find the same emotion in his eyes as well. God help her, the thought touched her, made her wonder and hope. Maybe, just maybe, she was wrong after all. Maybe he hadn’t married her out of obligation.
When he stepped toward her, her muscles tensed, every inch of her on high alert, waiting in anticipation of his touch. He was always touching her, driving her to distraction with his hands. In an instant, she was riding the edge again. Adrenaline pumped hard and fast through her veins, her body ready to spring into action, to turn and flee if need be.
The sensation left her at odds with herself. She never fled from a fight. Confident in her abilities, she always stood her ground. Except when she had to deal with Jackson.
“Each and every time those words were spoken to me, they lacked the conviction, the meaning, behind them to hold them up. They usually came with a stipulation, something I had to do to earn them.”
Becca stood frozen, watching as he closed the distance
“I wouldn’t have pitied you, Jack. Nobody’s perfect. I just wanted you to talk to me.”
“Mmm. I’m afraid talking doesn’t come easily. I was taught otherwise. When I left for college, I swore to myself I’d never become like them, but you? You scared the living hell out of me. I don’t know how to do this, Beck. What if I couldn’t be what you and Allie needed? What if one day you woke up and realized you were shackled to me? I wasn’t enough for my parents. I was never shown or even told I was important to them. I don’t know how to express emotion, because it was never shown to me.”
Becca stared at his profile, unable to hide her surprise. “You mother never told you she loved you?”
He let out a huff of a laugh, sardonic and bitter. “Oh, she told me. She just never meant it. I was never hugged or kissed. Affection was strictly forbidden, especially in public. So when we married, I reverted to what I knew. Work. I worked my ass off trying to give you and Allie the world and everything in it. Because it’s what I thought y’all deserved.” He shook his head. “It may not be perfect, but it was all I knew.”
He finally glanced over at her, stared at her for a long, aching moment, his eyes reaching, as if searching for something intangible in hers. Then he turned back to the yard.
“I hate saying this to you, because it means I’m going to hurt you again, but I don’t know if I can give you the answer you want. I don’t know if I can say the words you need to hear.”
Pain twisted in her chest. There was the explanation she’d waited for. She needed to hear those words and he couldn’t say them. Which did nothing but make her wonder if he really felt them. Tears sprang to her eyes before she could stop them.
“Forget it. It doesn’t matter anymore.” She shoved away from the railing, pivoted and strode for the door. She needed to be anywhere but in his presence. Before the tears fell. Before he used her weakness against her again.
“I can’t say them because they hold no meaning for me. Do you know how many times someone has said those words to me but not meant them?”
His voice called to her through the darkness. She stopped halfway across the deck and turned. He hadn’t moved. He still stood stiff, staring out over the yard.
“In my world, words like those aren’t spoken from the heart for the need to say them. My mother uses them when trying to persuade me to do something she knows I don’t want to do. My father
never
says those words. No woman but you has ever uttered those words to me and meant them.”
He paused and turned to face her. Despite the darkness and the distance between them, the intensity of his imploring gaze captivated her, made her stay in spite of the little voice in her head warning otherwise.
The pain in his voice, subdued as if he’d tried, but failed, to hide it, got to her. Something inside said she’d find the same emotion in his eyes as well. God help her, the thought touched her, made her wonder and hope. Maybe, just maybe, she was wrong after all. Maybe he hadn’t married her out of obligation.
When he stepped toward her, her muscles tensed, every inch of her on high alert, waiting in anticipation of his touch. He was always touching her, driving her to distraction with his hands. In an instant, she was riding the edge again. Adrenaline pumped hard and fast through her veins, her body ready to spring into action, to turn and flee if need be.
The sensation left her at odds with herself. She never fled from a fight. Confident in her abilities, she always stood her ground. Except when she had to deal with Jackson.
“Each and every time those words were spoken to me, they lacked the conviction, the meaning, behind them to hold them up. They usually came with a stipulation, something I had to do to earn them.”
Becca stood frozen, watching as he closed the distance
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