What He's Been Missing by Grace Octavia Page B

equation and just look at Scarlet and Ian like any other two people who are engaged. They fit the bill . . . I guess. Listening to them argue today, sounding like two people in love . . . I think I might have felt a little—”
    â€œJealous?” Journey looked at me like she was a detective who’d just cracked a case.
    â€œNo, Journey! That’s not it. I’m . . . I do want love. I want to get married and argue about where the wedding is going to be and what kind of music we’re going to play, but I know it’s not my turn. Not my time. It’s Ian’s time. I just don’t want to see him get hurt. He’s such a good guy. So sweet and caring. Always there for me. And he’ll be a great father. Probably will have his son reading before he can sit up,” I said jokingly, but Journey still had her sharp eyes on me. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
    â€œWhy do you think?”
    â€œStop it, Journey!”
    â€œNo, you stop it, because you started it.”
    â€œYou know what? Fine! I’ll admit it. Ian is the perfect man for me. He’s everything I want. He’s into everything I’m into. He enlightens me. He’s my rock. I’m his rock. It’s all there,” I listed.
    â€œAnd he’s fine as shit,” Journey whispered, looking over her shoulder for Dame.
    â€œHe looks all right.”
    â€œAnd he ain’t poor!”
    â€œYes, he makes a decent living,” I said. “But that ship has sailed. It left the dock a long, long time ago and it won’t return.”
    â€œYou sure?”
    â€œI’m beyond sure. I’m committed.”
    Journey started laughing and the bottle slid from Apache’s little mouth a bit. The baby girl whined at her mother until she got the bottle readjusted correctly.
    â€œWhy did you laugh?” I asked.
    â€œBecause you just said that you’re committed to not being in love with someone. That’s insane. I think I said the same kind of thing right before I ended up sleeping with my former student. Now I have three children with him and follow him around the world. Did you see my baby on the cover of Rolling Stone last month?”
    â€œWonderful,” I said. “Good for you. But that has nothing to do with me.”
    â€œMaybe not. Maybe.” Journey pulled the empty bottle from Apache’s mouth and put her over her shoulder for a burp. “Have you ever thought about how committed Ian is to nothing happening between you two?”
    â€œHe’s marrying someone else. Obviously, he’s committed to nothing happening between us.”
    â€œMaybe he’s just too afraid to admit it. Maybe he’s thinking there’s no way you two could ever get together, so he’s going with the next best thing.”
    â€œSettling?”
    â€œI wouldn’t say that he’s settling. Think about it: if he marries Scarlet, he can still have you in his life. While she’s out in Ghana or wherever the hell she’s going, and modeling and saving the world, he’ll still be home with you. Lunch. Stopping by the office. Using his key to get into your place. Foot massages. He’ll have two wives—one he’s sure he can have and another he’s sure he wants. You said it yourself a while ago—whenever he wants to talk politics, and culture, art and music, his heart and soul, he comes to his equal. When he wants to have someone on his arm, someone to sweat him and beg him to stick around, he goes to his girl.”
    â€œWell, I didn’t exactly put it like that, but that’s some deep old shit, J!”
    â€œGirl, please. Don’t go listening to me. I’m just trying to figure this here thing out. Who knows what’s going on in his mind. You’re just going to have to wait and listen. Watch for the signs. If he comes to you, let him. If not, remain committed to not being in love with