and she loved me back. She would sit on my knee and I would read her stories. I would sing her the nursery rhymes I used to sing to myself as I stood alone in the bathroom or bedroom. I would draw her pictures and I would laugh as she tried to draw. I protected her from her eldest brother nipping and tormenting her. I walked her to and from nursery. I took her to the play park and the swimming baths. I got her to eat things she had never tried. I nursed her when she was ill. I would go to the charity shops and buy her clothes and I would dress her up as best I could.
By the time I left home, Karen was at primary school. I was so desperate to get out of the house and away to start my own life that I just couldn't give much thought to what effect my leaving would have on her. I now know that, at that time, she felt she had been 'abandoned' again. I did feel guilty, and when I visited once or twice in the first year after I left, I went back just to check on Karen, as she was the only one I gave any thought to.
She was my little sister. Ironically, as she has no direct blood link to me, she is the only one I class as being real family. She was the only one who showed me true love during my whole childhood.
I tried to keep in touch with her but going back to the house where so many things had happened to me was difficult. At one time during my twenties when I was living with my fiancé and his parents, I would collect Karen and she would come and stay over. I would take her shopping and buy her well-needed clothes. My future mother-in-law, Flora, was a remedial teacher, and she would sit and help Karen with her reading and writing. I would buy her lots of Christmas presents and wrap them up and take them to her.
But then I abandoned her again.
Before I married, I made a conscious decision to leave my past behind. I couldn't deal with the memories of all the things that had gone on in my childhood every time I visited the house and saw Karen. For my own self-preservation, I withdrew again. In my youth and ignorance, I didn't consider the effect this would have on Karen or what her fate would be when my father died, leaving her homeless. I now know that all of these acts devastated this vulnerable young girl, and that she didn't have an easy time when she went to live with her older brother. I wish I'd had the wisdom and knowledge then that I have now, but I was used to thinking about my own survival first.
I am very proud to say, though, that in spite of what could have been devastating for us – what could have been the end of a bond we made all those years ago – Karen understands now that we were both victims of circumstances way beyond our control, and she has accepted me back into her life.
I am so proud of her because she is a beautiful woman who has managed to carve a nice life for herself with her husband, who she's been with since her teens. They have two lovely, intelligent little girls, and the love in their family is inspiring. This, as far as I am concerned, is a real achievement because it wasn't easy for Karen.
After I left home it was just Karen and my Dad in the house. My Dad was not at all a well man at this time, yet in spite of social work contact she was left to look after him in a sheltered housing complex. She has told me about much of this time she spent with my Dad but I shall respect her wish not to go into the past here. I'll say only this: Karen, I loved you from the minute I saw you. You are my little sister. I know I haven't always been there for you, but now that I am able to put the past behind me I know we have so much to look forward to, as do our children as cousins. You are an amazing young woman. I have enormous respect for you and your husband and I love your two beautiful little girls to pieces.
I want you to know one thing: Helen Gourlay Ford may be your biological mother but I can assure you that you are so very, very different from her. If she'd
By the time I left home, Karen was at primary school. I was so desperate to get out of the house and away to start my own life that I just couldn't give much thought to what effect my leaving would have on her. I now know that, at that time, she felt she had been 'abandoned' again. I did feel guilty, and when I visited once or twice in the first year after I left, I went back just to check on Karen, as she was the only one I gave any thought to.
She was my little sister. Ironically, as she has no direct blood link to me, she is the only one I class as being real family. She was the only one who showed me true love during my whole childhood.
I tried to keep in touch with her but going back to the house where so many things had happened to me was difficult. At one time during my twenties when I was living with my fiancé and his parents, I would collect Karen and she would come and stay over. I would take her shopping and buy her well-needed clothes. My future mother-in-law, Flora, was a remedial teacher, and she would sit and help Karen with her reading and writing. I would buy her lots of Christmas presents and wrap them up and take them to her.
But then I abandoned her again.
Before I married, I made a conscious decision to leave my past behind. I couldn't deal with the memories of all the things that had gone on in my childhood every time I visited the house and saw Karen. For my own self-preservation, I withdrew again. In my youth and ignorance, I didn't consider the effect this would have on Karen or what her fate would be when my father died, leaving her homeless. I now know that all of these acts devastated this vulnerable young girl, and that she didn't have an easy time when she went to live with her older brother. I wish I'd had the wisdom and knowledge then that I have now, but I was used to thinking about my own survival first.
I am very proud to say, though, that in spite of what could have been devastating for us – what could have been the end of a bond we made all those years ago – Karen understands now that we were both victims of circumstances way beyond our control, and she has accepted me back into her life.
I am so proud of her because she is a beautiful woman who has managed to carve a nice life for herself with her husband, who she's been with since her teens. They have two lovely, intelligent little girls, and the love in their family is inspiring. This, as far as I am concerned, is a real achievement because it wasn't easy for Karen.
After I left home it was just Karen and my Dad in the house. My Dad was not at all a well man at this time, yet in spite of social work contact she was left to look after him in a sheltered housing complex. She has told me about much of this time she spent with my Dad but I shall respect her wish not to go into the past here. I'll say only this: Karen, I loved you from the minute I saw you. You are my little sister. I know I haven't always been there for you, but now that I am able to put the past behind me I know we have so much to look forward to, as do our children as cousins. You are an amazing young woman. I have enormous respect for you and your husband and I love your two beautiful little girls to pieces.
I want you to know one thing: Helen Gourlay Ford may be your biological mother but I can assure you that you are so very, very different from her. If she'd
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