me, but no, he seems to truly believe I should still be president. "You are a large leader pinned in a small region," he tells me. By this time, I speak to him as though he were a son.
Sometimes I have foreign visitors, and sometimes they dare to ask me if I regret, if my conscience bothers me regarding acts against my enemies. Regret! It is hard for me to take them seriously when they ask this. These naive children do not understand that this is a clash of values. How long will it take them to learn the fundamentalists will destroy their way of life if unstopped? Have these outsiders or the Afghans themselves forgotten so soon the benefits I brought? Freedom of speech, the multi party system, an independent judiciary. I‟ve allowed for political differences of opinion and given women full rights. Yes, I had to strong-arm the past at times to prepare it to meet the future. But it was a healthy future I aimed to create.
I say to those who would condemn me: look not only at what I accomplished, which should be enough. Look at who I am. I studied for ten years to be a doctor, in between a prison sentence for my political convictions. Ten years. Why would I spend nearly one fifth of my life on these studies? Because I dreamed of bringing health to our country. Only when I realized I could achieve more toward that goal as a leader did I abandon my plans to be a medical doctor. And I retain those goals still. How I laughed, dear Heelo, when you urged me to publicly announce I was forsaking politics to set up a medical clinic abroad. You hoped that would mean I could finally leave Afghanistan and join you all in Delhi. Do you remember what I said? First I joked that I could not leave just as I was regaining popularity among my countrymen. Then I told you that, to a football player in the middle of a game, his fans‟ support is very important. "I am still in the game," I said. "Do not give up on your player." And you haven‟t, none of you.
When I am not with visitors, my project now is to translate The Great Game into Pashto, and I am adding a chapter from my times to update the book, since it ends with the fall of Tsarist Russia in 1917. I also work out almost daily in my small gym. I will send you my exact body measurements in my next letter—I w ill be strong and fit when I‟m reunited with you all. I hope you are keeping yourselves in shape and will be the same! I only wish I could swim in Lake Qargha as I once did, battling the swells, then stopping to drink chai and eat goat roasted over small gas cookers. Those fond days. But then I remind myself this is better than when we had to run up and down the stairs for our exercise, so sharp were security concerns. I‟ve achieved much; Allah willing, I will achieve more. But I will not speak further in my own self-defense. Others will do so in time, I am sure. Our people, and the world, will understand eventually what
repression and civil war really means. Allah forgive and save them.
I miss you, my girls, and your precious mother. I can sometimes almost taste the sweet cakes that dear Heelo would bake for me; your cakes, Heelo jan, were becoming better and better and I can only imagine that you are by now a master. Onie, I miss our Ping-Pong matches, and dear Muski, I miss when we would sing together "Sta de stergo bala wakhlom." I miss our geography lessons, the dinner-table discussions about your dreams and goals, and everything about my dear Fati, your mother.
But we will endure. Inshallah, I will soon be with you; this poor government that has refused me exile doesn‟t have long to last. So we will see each other again, maybe even within weeks, and then I shall challenge you to a game of carrom and I will share the Hindi movies that have become my favorites while here and we will eat gulab jamun and laugh until the tears come.
Only a little bit longer, my three girls. But every
Sometimes I have foreign visitors, and sometimes they dare to ask me if I regret, if my conscience bothers me regarding acts against my enemies. Regret! It is hard for me to take them seriously when they ask this. These naive children do not understand that this is a clash of values. How long will it take them to learn the fundamentalists will destroy their way of life if unstopped? Have these outsiders or the Afghans themselves forgotten so soon the benefits I brought? Freedom of speech, the multi party system, an independent judiciary. I‟ve allowed for political differences of opinion and given women full rights. Yes, I had to strong-arm the past at times to prepare it to meet the future. But it was a healthy future I aimed to create.
I say to those who would condemn me: look not only at what I accomplished, which should be enough. Look at who I am. I studied for ten years to be a doctor, in between a prison sentence for my political convictions. Ten years. Why would I spend nearly one fifth of my life on these studies? Because I dreamed of bringing health to our country. Only when I realized I could achieve more toward that goal as a leader did I abandon my plans to be a medical doctor. And I retain those goals still. How I laughed, dear Heelo, when you urged me to publicly announce I was forsaking politics to set up a medical clinic abroad. You hoped that would mean I could finally leave Afghanistan and join you all in Delhi. Do you remember what I said? First I joked that I could not leave just as I was regaining popularity among my countrymen. Then I told you that, to a football player in the middle of a game, his fans‟ support is very important. "I am still in the game," I said. "Do not give up on your player." And you haven‟t, none of you.
When I am not with visitors, my project now is to translate The Great Game into Pashto, and I am adding a chapter from my times to update the book, since it ends with the fall of Tsarist Russia in 1917. I also work out almost daily in my small gym. I will send you my exact body measurements in my next letter—I w ill be strong and fit when I‟m reunited with you all. I hope you are keeping yourselves in shape and will be the same! I only wish I could swim in Lake Qargha as I once did, battling the swells, then stopping to drink chai and eat goat roasted over small gas cookers. Those fond days. But then I remind myself this is better than when we had to run up and down the stairs for our exercise, so sharp were security concerns. I‟ve achieved much; Allah willing, I will achieve more. But I will not speak further in my own self-defense. Others will do so in time, I am sure. Our people, and the world, will understand eventually what
repression and civil war really means. Allah forgive and save them.
I miss you, my girls, and your precious mother. I can sometimes almost taste the sweet cakes that dear Heelo would bake for me; your cakes, Heelo jan, were becoming better and better and I can only imagine that you are by now a master. Onie, I miss our Ping-Pong matches, and dear Muski, I miss when we would sing together "Sta de stergo bala wakhlom." I miss our geography lessons, the dinner-table discussions about your dreams and goals, and everything about my dear Fati, your mother.
But we will endure. Inshallah, I will soon be with you; this poor government that has refused me exile doesn‟t have long to last. So we will see each other again, maybe even within weeks, and then I shall challenge you to a game of carrom and I will share the Hindi movies that have become my favorites while here and we will eat gulab jamun and laugh until the tears come.
Only a little bit longer, my three girls. But every
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