to do with me, I have no control over this feeling that just keeps growing no matter how much I tell it to stop.”
He shook his head. “And there it is. The difference between us. You’re new. Innocent. The very fact that you can’t stop those feelings shows how different we are. I know how to put the brakes on those feelings. Love’s hurt me a time or two.”
“And you don’t want to get beyond your hurts?”
“It isn’t a matter of wanting to get beyond the hurts. It’s a matter of having almost twenty years after my mom’s death to become cool, pragmatic. I learned a lot of tricks to make it look like I’m having fun and in the game, when really I’m not.”
“But you fell in love with Nina.”
“And got hurt again. All falling in love with her did was prove to me that I didn’t dare let my guard down. I don’t share secrets. I don’t tell anybody my dreams. Somewhere in here...” He rubbed his chest. “There’s a ping that happens that warns me when I’m getting too close. And it stops me.” He caught her gaze. “It’s stopped me with you a million times. You’ve noticed some of them. Some of them have hurt you. This isn’t something I’m going to grow out of or change. I’m a lot harder, a lot colder, than even my dad.”
“You talk like a guy who thinks he knows everything, but maybe you don’t.”
“And you talk like a woman with stars in her eyes. A woman who is going to get hurt. And I won’t let it be me who hurts you.”
“I see.”
“Look, we have another few weeks of this, then you’re going to go back to Grennady, and I’m going to go back to who I was. You’ll get so busy you’ll forget me as much as I’ll forget you. Unless we do something stupid.”
Her face scrunched in confusion. “Something stupid?”
“Like get carried away. I’d say make love, but for me it would be just sex and for you it would be more. And you’d be devastated when I walk away at the end of this thing. So let’s just keep things the way they should be. Light. Fun. Nothing serious so we can both get out of this with our sanity.”
“Alex? Eva?”
The sound of Sally Peterson’s voice echoed around the dark outdoor space. Alex stepped even farther away from Eva.
“Here you are!”
“Yes. We’re here.” He pushed back his shoulders and gave Sally his full prince stare. “May I ask what you’re doing, following me?”
“Your father noticed you were missing. I volunteered to look for you.”
Eva sneaked another peek at him. In all the confusion of wanting to kiss her for real to straighten all this out in his head, he’d forgotten there was a potential threat against her life.
No wonder his father had sent someone to look for them.
He caught Eva’s hand, said, “We’re fine,” and headed through the garden, into the palace and down the hall toward the engagement party again, glad they’d had the honest talk.
Unless they did something stupid, they could both walk away from this. But if they followed through on these unwanted feelings that he knew were more physical than emotional, they’d both be sorry.
And part of him absolutely revolted at the thought she’d be sorry she met him. If he couldn’t love her, if nothing else, he wanted to be the guy she remembered and smiled.
CHAPTER EIGHT
E VA MANAGED TO make it through the engagement party with her head high and a smile on her face. The next day, she happily accepted congratulations from her mom on the success of the event.
But when there was a quick knock on their door and Alex walked in, her stomach plummeted.
He didn’t want her. Not because he didn’t like her, but because he did. But the boy who’d lost his mom and a man who’d lost his first love had built walls. Even if they did fall in love, there would always be walls, a distance between them.
She saw it all the time in the way he related to her. The way he could walk away from kisses. The way he used protecting her as a convenient distraction
He shook his head. “And there it is. The difference between us. You’re new. Innocent. The very fact that you can’t stop those feelings shows how different we are. I know how to put the brakes on those feelings. Love’s hurt me a time or two.”
“And you don’t want to get beyond your hurts?”
“It isn’t a matter of wanting to get beyond the hurts. It’s a matter of having almost twenty years after my mom’s death to become cool, pragmatic. I learned a lot of tricks to make it look like I’m having fun and in the game, when really I’m not.”
“But you fell in love with Nina.”
“And got hurt again. All falling in love with her did was prove to me that I didn’t dare let my guard down. I don’t share secrets. I don’t tell anybody my dreams. Somewhere in here...” He rubbed his chest. “There’s a ping that happens that warns me when I’m getting too close. And it stops me.” He caught her gaze. “It’s stopped me with you a million times. You’ve noticed some of them. Some of them have hurt you. This isn’t something I’m going to grow out of or change. I’m a lot harder, a lot colder, than even my dad.”
“You talk like a guy who thinks he knows everything, but maybe you don’t.”
“And you talk like a woman with stars in her eyes. A woman who is going to get hurt. And I won’t let it be me who hurts you.”
“I see.”
“Look, we have another few weeks of this, then you’re going to go back to Grennady, and I’m going to go back to who I was. You’ll get so busy you’ll forget me as much as I’ll forget you. Unless we do something stupid.”
Her face scrunched in confusion. “Something stupid?”
“Like get carried away. I’d say make love, but for me it would be just sex and for you it would be more. And you’d be devastated when I walk away at the end of this thing. So let’s just keep things the way they should be. Light. Fun. Nothing serious so we can both get out of this with our sanity.”
“Alex? Eva?”
The sound of Sally Peterson’s voice echoed around the dark outdoor space. Alex stepped even farther away from Eva.
“Here you are!”
“Yes. We’re here.” He pushed back his shoulders and gave Sally his full prince stare. “May I ask what you’re doing, following me?”
“Your father noticed you were missing. I volunteered to look for you.”
Eva sneaked another peek at him. In all the confusion of wanting to kiss her for real to straighten all this out in his head, he’d forgotten there was a potential threat against her life.
No wonder his father had sent someone to look for them.
He caught Eva’s hand, said, “We’re fine,” and headed through the garden, into the palace and down the hall toward the engagement party again, glad they’d had the honest talk.
Unless they did something stupid, they could both walk away from this. But if they followed through on these unwanted feelings that he knew were more physical than emotional, they’d both be sorry.
And part of him absolutely revolted at the thought she’d be sorry she met him. If he couldn’t love her, if nothing else, he wanted to be the guy she remembered and smiled.
CHAPTER EIGHT
E VA MANAGED TO make it through the engagement party with her head high and a smile on her face. The next day, she happily accepted congratulations from her mom on the success of the event.
But when there was a quick knock on their door and Alex walked in, her stomach plummeted.
He didn’t want her. Not because he didn’t like her, but because he did. But the boy who’d lost his mom and a man who’d lost his first love had built walls. Even if they did fall in love, there would always be walls, a distance between them.
She saw it all the time in the way he related to her. The way he could walk away from kisses. The way he used protecting her as a convenient distraction
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