got home?”
I took a deep breath. I had been ready to let a lot of people die after that first eruption. In fact, several had before Nason and Zadok convinced me to do something to help. I doubted that guilt would ever leave me.
“I guess a willingness not to do something good is sometimes as bad as a willingness to do something evil.”
“Maybe. The people in town will never know of the good Achaz did in his past. They’ll never give him the credit he deserves for the thousands of lives he saved in the war. It’s sad how much more weight the bad things we do carry over the good.” He paused. “Or maybe, it’s the most recent decisions that hold the most weight.”
“You going to be all right?”
“I’m good. You’ve got work to do. I won’t keep you.”
I gave Dekar’s shoulder a squeeze and smiled. “Keep an eye out for Sivan returning while I check in with everyone else.”
He gestured. “Start by the other tailor’s place.”
“Gadiel’s? Why?”
“Nason’s there. His wife died in the fighting.”
My shoulders hunched, and I whistled out a breath. “Gadiel’s place? She was stationed on top of the theater before.”
“She was worried about Nason when the fighting got bad and left her post.”
“Molak’s balls. I’ll head over there now.”
* * *
Nason held his wife in his lap. He sat with his back against a post that had once supported the roof of Gadiel’s front porch. It now supported only Nason and the grief he bore. The rest of the tailor’s shop had collapsed after the second eruption. Zadok stood beside Nason, hand on his shoulder.
No tears ran down Nason’s cheeks, but anguish could be seen in his every move. The way he stroked his wife’s blank face. The way he supported her lifeless form in his lap. The way he refused to take his eyes off the woman he loved.
My own grief struck me hard. Despite the sadness of the scene, I envied Nason for having this time. It was time I never got with Lasha.
Zadok and Nason looked up at my approach. Nason’s eyes spoke volumes of the rage inside of him. I imagined it was a similar look I possessed when Zadok gave me the news about Lasha.
He shifted the grip on his wife and I saw that blood covered his other hand and forearm. The blood wasn’t his. A broken arrow lay on the ground not far from a hole in his wife’s side. Nason had tried to stop the bleeding. Seeing that, I was glad his kids were still being watched over by Damaris. They didn’t need to see their parents like this.
“I’m so sorry, Nason.”
He bobbed his head. “You warned us this could happen.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m less sorry.”
“I know. It’s my fault anyway. I thought we’d make it out all right, and I’d help others grieve their losses. I didn’t think it would happen to my family.” He looked down. “Yet, here I sit.” The first hints of a sob cracked in his throat. “I don’t want to move because I know this is the last time I’ll be able to hold her. Gods, Tyrus, what am I going to do?” The tears came hard.
I squatted and wrapped him in a hug. One of his arms squeezed me tight. The other supported his wife.
“I know you want me to tell you how to go on living without her, but I can’t. I’m still trying to figure that out for myself after Lasha. However, you will go on. You’ve got three young kids that need their father even more now. Focus on them. It will keep you going until you can figure the rest out.”
His body trembled. “What am I supposed to even tell the kids?”
“The truth.” I glanced at Zadok, then returned my attention back to Nason. “Their mother was a brave woman who loved them so much that she fought and died so that they could live.”
“I don’t know if I can do this alone.”
I forced him to meet my eyes. “We’ll get through this together then.”
He bounced his head absently.
I said nothing more as Nason cried. It took everything I had not to join in. I wanted to stay and sit with
I took a deep breath. I had been ready to let a lot of people die after that first eruption. In fact, several had before Nason and Zadok convinced me to do something to help. I doubted that guilt would ever leave me.
“I guess a willingness not to do something good is sometimes as bad as a willingness to do something evil.”
“Maybe. The people in town will never know of the good Achaz did in his past. They’ll never give him the credit he deserves for the thousands of lives he saved in the war. It’s sad how much more weight the bad things we do carry over the good.” He paused. “Or maybe, it’s the most recent decisions that hold the most weight.”
“You going to be all right?”
“I’m good. You’ve got work to do. I won’t keep you.”
I gave Dekar’s shoulder a squeeze and smiled. “Keep an eye out for Sivan returning while I check in with everyone else.”
He gestured. “Start by the other tailor’s place.”
“Gadiel’s? Why?”
“Nason’s there. His wife died in the fighting.”
My shoulders hunched, and I whistled out a breath. “Gadiel’s place? She was stationed on top of the theater before.”
“She was worried about Nason when the fighting got bad and left her post.”
“Molak’s balls. I’ll head over there now.”
* * *
Nason held his wife in his lap. He sat with his back against a post that had once supported the roof of Gadiel’s front porch. It now supported only Nason and the grief he bore. The rest of the tailor’s shop had collapsed after the second eruption. Zadok stood beside Nason, hand on his shoulder.
No tears ran down Nason’s cheeks, but anguish could be seen in his every move. The way he stroked his wife’s blank face. The way he supported her lifeless form in his lap. The way he refused to take his eyes off the woman he loved.
My own grief struck me hard. Despite the sadness of the scene, I envied Nason for having this time. It was time I never got with Lasha.
Zadok and Nason looked up at my approach. Nason’s eyes spoke volumes of the rage inside of him. I imagined it was a similar look I possessed when Zadok gave me the news about Lasha.
He shifted the grip on his wife and I saw that blood covered his other hand and forearm. The blood wasn’t his. A broken arrow lay on the ground not far from a hole in his wife’s side. Nason had tried to stop the bleeding. Seeing that, I was glad his kids were still being watched over by Damaris. They didn’t need to see their parents like this.
“I’m so sorry, Nason.”
He bobbed his head. “You warned us this could happen.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m less sorry.”
“I know. It’s my fault anyway. I thought we’d make it out all right, and I’d help others grieve their losses. I didn’t think it would happen to my family.” He looked down. “Yet, here I sit.” The first hints of a sob cracked in his throat. “I don’t want to move because I know this is the last time I’ll be able to hold her. Gods, Tyrus, what am I going to do?” The tears came hard.
I squatted and wrapped him in a hug. One of his arms squeezed me tight. The other supported his wife.
“I know you want me to tell you how to go on living without her, but I can’t. I’m still trying to figure that out for myself after Lasha. However, you will go on. You’ve got three young kids that need their father even more now. Focus on them. It will keep you going until you can figure the rest out.”
His body trembled. “What am I supposed to even tell the kids?”
“The truth.” I glanced at Zadok, then returned my attention back to Nason. “Their mother was a brave woman who loved them so much that she fought and died so that they could live.”
“I don’t know if I can do this alone.”
I forced him to meet my eyes. “We’ll get through this together then.”
He bounced his head absently.
I said nothing more as Nason cried. It took everything I had not to join in. I wanted to stay and sit with
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