the towel she’d laid out for me earlier, watching the water for any sign of Salil as the sun warmed my back. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” I whispered to the waves, hoping he’d hear.
I closed my eyes and focused on the memory of his skin sliding against mine in the water. Goddess, he’d felt so good. I flushed, thinking of how desperate I’d been, and how pathetically clingy I’d acted afterward. But he’d been just as caught up as I was.
That night Noni barely ate, and her skin looked gray. I couldn’t sense any illness, or any blockage: it was as if everything in her simply operated at half power. When I whispered my findings to Mom, she nodded and murmured, “She’s winding down,” as if it were an acceptable thing, that Noni would be dying in front of us.
“Who can we call? What can we do?”
“Nothing, Vinny. She saw the doctor last week, there’s nothing wrong with her. We can only make her comfortable.” She laid her hand on my arm, “We are not to interfere with nature,” she added sternly.
I nodded. “I know. I won’t. I can’t anyway, but I won’t try.” I gritted my teeth. Was this how Noni had felt when Nunu had died? Probably it had been worse for her. He’d been her husband and she had more power than me, she could have gone against the law and saved him.
I wanted to sit by Noni’s bed that night, but my mother ordered me to get some sleep. “We all die alone,” she said. Whatever the fuck that meant.
I hovered around Noni’s bedroom door anyway, until she cracked her eyes open and waved me in. “What is it, Vincenzo?”
“I’m worried about you, Non.”
“My good boy.” She reached out to clasp my hand in hers, and her fingers felt so cold I had to stop myself from rubbing them. “I’m just tired. Go to bed and don’t worry so much. Tell that Fae boy I expect him to take good care of you.”
“I— I’m not…”
“Hush. I’m old, not stupid. Good night, Vincenzo. I love you.”
I leaned down and kissed her. “I love you too, Noni.”
So I lay in my bed, trying to feel her life through the three walls that separated us, though it was impossible. After a half hour I got up, tugged on a pair of thin sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee, and went out to the back patio. This was the kind of situation that called for a cigarette. Or a joint. But I hadn’t ever really smoked cigarettes, except maybe once or twice in college when I’d had too much to drink. And I only smoked weed when they passed it around at a bonfire, I never really bought my own. I laughed to myself, thinking that my mom probably had some somewhere. Actually, if she was awake I would have asked her for some smoking herbs to relax me. But as it was, I settled for a beer under the almost full harvest moon.
If it hadn’t been for that moon, and the clear night, I wouldn’t have seen him padding across my lawn. Salil never paused, though I’m sure he knew I’d spotted him, he just walked right to me and sat in the old rocker to my left. “All right, I forgive you.”
I laughed and took a long swallow from my beer. “You heard my apology, then?”
“Yes.” He tilted his head toward the house. “When will you tell her?”
“I don’t even know what to tell her. What are we? Friends? Lovers? Psychic buddies?”
“You need a label?” His teeth glinted in the moonlight, and I shook my head.
“I don’t know. She’s pissed at you for stealing her stuff. She doesn’t trust you. I need something.”
“She understands premonitions, she will understand I have reasons for all I do. I sense irritation from her, not anger or fear. What is really holding you back?”
“She thinks I make bad decisions with men. And she’s right.”
“I see.”
The silence stretched between us. I finished my beer and went in for another, grabbing one for Salil as well. I had no idea if he drank beer but when I held it out he took it and smiled as if I’d given him a great gift. When
I closed my eyes and focused on the memory of his skin sliding against mine in the water. Goddess, he’d felt so good. I flushed, thinking of how desperate I’d been, and how pathetically clingy I’d acted afterward. But he’d been just as caught up as I was.
That night Noni barely ate, and her skin looked gray. I couldn’t sense any illness, or any blockage: it was as if everything in her simply operated at half power. When I whispered my findings to Mom, she nodded and murmured, “She’s winding down,” as if it were an acceptable thing, that Noni would be dying in front of us.
“Who can we call? What can we do?”
“Nothing, Vinny. She saw the doctor last week, there’s nothing wrong with her. We can only make her comfortable.” She laid her hand on my arm, “We are not to interfere with nature,” she added sternly.
I nodded. “I know. I won’t. I can’t anyway, but I won’t try.” I gritted my teeth. Was this how Noni had felt when Nunu had died? Probably it had been worse for her. He’d been her husband and she had more power than me, she could have gone against the law and saved him.
I wanted to sit by Noni’s bed that night, but my mother ordered me to get some sleep. “We all die alone,” she said. Whatever the fuck that meant.
I hovered around Noni’s bedroom door anyway, until she cracked her eyes open and waved me in. “What is it, Vincenzo?”
“I’m worried about you, Non.”
“My good boy.” She reached out to clasp my hand in hers, and her fingers felt so cold I had to stop myself from rubbing them. “I’m just tired. Go to bed and don’t worry so much. Tell that Fae boy I expect him to take good care of you.”
“I— I’m not…”
“Hush. I’m old, not stupid. Good night, Vincenzo. I love you.”
I leaned down and kissed her. “I love you too, Noni.”
So I lay in my bed, trying to feel her life through the three walls that separated us, though it was impossible. After a half hour I got up, tugged on a pair of thin sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee, and went out to the back patio. This was the kind of situation that called for a cigarette. Or a joint. But I hadn’t ever really smoked cigarettes, except maybe once or twice in college when I’d had too much to drink. And I only smoked weed when they passed it around at a bonfire, I never really bought my own. I laughed to myself, thinking that my mom probably had some somewhere. Actually, if she was awake I would have asked her for some smoking herbs to relax me. But as it was, I settled for a beer under the almost full harvest moon.
If it hadn’t been for that moon, and the clear night, I wouldn’t have seen him padding across my lawn. Salil never paused, though I’m sure he knew I’d spotted him, he just walked right to me and sat in the old rocker to my left. “All right, I forgive you.”
I laughed and took a long swallow from my beer. “You heard my apology, then?”
“Yes.” He tilted his head toward the house. “When will you tell her?”
“I don’t even know what to tell her. What are we? Friends? Lovers? Psychic buddies?”
“You need a label?” His teeth glinted in the moonlight, and I shook my head.
“I don’t know. She’s pissed at you for stealing her stuff. She doesn’t trust you. I need something.”
“She understands premonitions, she will understand I have reasons for all I do. I sense irritation from her, not anger or fear. What is really holding you back?”
“She thinks I make bad decisions with men. And she’s right.”
“I see.”
The silence stretched between us. I finished my beer and went in for another, grabbing one for Salil as well. I had no idea if he drank beer but when I held it out he took it and smiled as if I’d given him a great gift. When
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