it down. I chew on my pencil and occasionally tap my lower lip.
Oh, yeah. He noticed.
I wonder how far to take this when the bell rings, only seconds left to decide whether I should gather my things and leave or stick around and see what happens. Mr. Nelson makes the decision for me.
“Julianne, you seemed to enjoy today’s lecture more than usual.”
I kneel in the aisle, stuffing things in my backpack, when he saunters up and plants himself in front of my desk. Which puts his crotch right at eye level. If this had happened yesterday, I’d have fallen backward and scrambled out of the room with a wicked blush.
Not today. Today, I hold my ground. I let my gaze slowly travel upward to look into his eyes. By the time I get there, he’s breathing a little fast. I stand but don’t step back.
“I think, for my final paper, I’ll explore neo-conservative themes in George Orwell’s 1984 and compare them to American political novels of the same time period. Sir.” I bite my lip for good measure.
I stifle a giggle when he shudders. I imagine him sitting in his living room, totally turned on by CNN.
“I look forward to hearing more about that, Miss Casquette.”
“I bet you do.”
I smile all the way down the hall.
***
My successful experiment at school makes me too bold.
“Julianne. No .”
Isaac has finished playing for me again, and I thank him with a quick brush of the lips on his cheek. He grabs my arms and pushes me away.
“Juli, stop. It’s wrong on so many levels that I can’t think straight. Doesn’t mean you’re not good enough—that’s not it at all. But, no.”
I pushed too hard too fast. Normally, I’d be humiliated and back down. Not today.
“I want you to tell me why. I want to hear it from you.” But I don’t let him answer. “You know what I think? I think this has nothing to do with me. I think you’re scared. I’m the one who’s trapped in this hellhole, but you’re just as trapped in your little box.”
He looks skeptical, so I press on.
“You’ve been moping around here for months. Admit it—I’m the only bright spot, aren’t I? So, what? You’re afraid of a little happiness?”
He barks out a humorless laugh. “Happiness? You think you’re the only one with problems? Grow up.”
I turn my back. That stings. Clearly, I’m not the only one with problems, but mine seem pretty severe. I don’t see anyone kicking the snot out of him .
“Look, I know you’ve got problems. Jesus, Juli, I’ve seen your problems firsthand.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Okay. Fine. Remember when Dave and Conrad were here a couple of weeks ago? When I got trashed at Felix’s? Of course you remember. I’m the one who doesn’t remember.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out. “My ex is pregnant. Could be mine. Won’t know until after it’s born. Ironic thing is we broke up because I wanted to settle down.”
Anguish is written on his face. I understand anguish.
“And now your future hangs in the balance. Just like mine.”
“Exactly. Dave and Conrad came to tell me they’d seen her, Marie, and she was showing. They knew I didn’t have a clue, so they cornered her and then came here. At least they did it in person.” He heaves a big sigh. “Thing is, I don’t know…don’t know whether I want it to be mine or not. I mean , it’s probably not. But…” He stands and paces the room. “But I couldn’t make it work with Marie, and that kid deserves two parents who get along.” He pulls his fingers through his hair, lacing them behind with his elbows out. “Wow, sorry. This is definitely not your problem. Didn’t mean to dump on you.”
“You didn’t dump on me. I mean, you know about my problems, so now we’re a little more even. And it explains a lot.”
“Pretty messed up, aren’t we?” A sad smile spreads across his face. “Well, kid, I’ve got to go get ready for tonight. Still coming, aren’t you?”
Tonight is Isaac’s performance
Oh, yeah. He noticed.
I wonder how far to take this when the bell rings, only seconds left to decide whether I should gather my things and leave or stick around and see what happens. Mr. Nelson makes the decision for me.
“Julianne, you seemed to enjoy today’s lecture more than usual.”
I kneel in the aisle, stuffing things in my backpack, when he saunters up and plants himself in front of my desk. Which puts his crotch right at eye level. If this had happened yesterday, I’d have fallen backward and scrambled out of the room with a wicked blush.
Not today. Today, I hold my ground. I let my gaze slowly travel upward to look into his eyes. By the time I get there, he’s breathing a little fast. I stand but don’t step back.
“I think, for my final paper, I’ll explore neo-conservative themes in George Orwell’s 1984 and compare them to American political novels of the same time period. Sir.” I bite my lip for good measure.
I stifle a giggle when he shudders. I imagine him sitting in his living room, totally turned on by CNN.
“I look forward to hearing more about that, Miss Casquette.”
“I bet you do.”
I smile all the way down the hall.
***
My successful experiment at school makes me too bold.
“Julianne. No .”
Isaac has finished playing for me again, and I thank him with a quick brush of the lips on his cheek. He grabs my arms and pushes me away.
“Juli, stop. It’s wrong on so many levels that I can’t think straight. Doesn’t mean you’re not good enough—that’s not it at all. But, no.”
I pushed too hard too fast. Normally, I’d be humiliated and back down. Not today.
“I want you to tell me why. I want to hear it from you.” But I don’t let him answer. “You know what I think? I think this has nothing to do with me. I think you’re scared. I’m the one who’s trapped in this hellhole, but you’re just as trapped in your little box.”
He looks skeptical, so I press on.
“You’ve been moping around here for months. Admit it—I’m the only bright spot, aren’t I? So, what? You’re afraid of a little happiness?”
He barks out a humorless laugh. “Happiness? You think you’re the only one with problems? Grow up.”
I turn my back. That stings. Clearly, I’m not the only one with problems, but mine seem pretty severe. I don’t see anyone kicking the snot out of him .
“Look, I know you’ve got problems. Jesus, Juli, I’ve seen your problems firsthand.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Okay. Fine. Remember when Dave and Conrad were here a couple of weeks ago? When I got trashed at Felix’s? Of course you remember. I’m the one who doesn’t remember.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out. “My ex is pregnant. Could be mine. Won’t know until after it’s born. Ironic thing is we broke up because I wanted to settle down.”
Anguish is written on his face. I understand anguish.
“And now your future hangs in the balance. Just like mine.”
“Exactly. Dave and Conrad came to tell me they’d seen her, Marie, and she was showing. They knew I didn’t have a clue, so they cornered her and then came here. At least they did it in person.” He heaves a big sigh. “Thing is, I don’t know…don’t know whether I want it to be mine or not. I mean , it’s probably not. But…” He stands and paces the room. “But I couldn’t make it work with Marie, and that kid deserves two parents who get along.” He pulls his fingers through his hair, lacing them behind with his elbows out. “Wow, sorry. This is definitely not your problem. Didn’t mean to dump on you.”
“You didn’t dump on me. I mean, you know about my problems, so now we’re a little more even. And it explains a lot.”
“Pretty messed up, aren’t we?” A sad smile spreads across his face. “Well, kid, I’ve got to go get ready for tonight. Still coming, aren’t you?”
Tonight is Isaac’s performance
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