of the 16th fairway I was searching for his ball after he insisted we try to find it, even though Brian had already delivered that great Scottish aperçu with a “Sir” at the beginning: “Sir, Lassie wouldn’t find that ball if you wrapped it in bacon.” The German was only a few feet from me taking a piss when he called out, “Are you not a little too old to be a trainee in anything?”
True, I thought. “I’m training to caddie for my son on his first pro tour,” I replied. “So you see, I’m out here with you right now, but really I’m with my son. And that’s why it’s so important that we find your ball.” All this was true. The only part I left off was the last wee bit: “Personally, I couldn’t give a flying fuck if we ever found
your
ball, and my best advice for you is that you give up this sport and take up some equestrian event.”
The great thing about this job is that in four hours (five on anexceptionally long round) it is over. I think of each round as a blind date. Perfect strangers meeting up on the 1st tee. And if things work out, best friends, hugs, and photographs four hours later. It is really quite something to observe. The other day I stood beside big Gary as he and his golfer eyed a shot of approximately 170 yards. Gary was recommending a five-iron. His golfer was unconvinced. “Trust me, sir,” Gary said softly. “We’ll need all of the five-iron to get there.”
“But this is only the 3rd hole,” the man objected as his voice rose in an arc of incredulity. “How can you know my game already? I haven’t even hit a five-iron yet.”
With utmost diplomacy, and a self-deprecating little shrug of his big shoulders, Gary replied, “Well, sir, I watched your seven-iron on number 2. You struck it well. We’re going to need a five-iron here.”
With that, Gary handed him the club he had already withdrawn from the man’s bag. The five-iron. And then Gary stepped aside. When he had my attention, he silently pointed his finger to his eyes and then to the man’s ball. While the golfer took his practice swings, Gary’s eyes remained fixed on the ball. Right through the man’s shot, his eyes never moved until after the ball had taken flight. The three of us watched as the ball rolled up onto the green. “You were right,” the man said. “Good call.”
Gary just nodded. Then he put his hand on my shoulder, and we waited until the golfer had marched out ahead of us and joined his buddies. “I like to let my man enjoy a good shot without me,” he said. “God knows there’s enough misery in this game.” Then he asked me if I had noticed his practice swing. I confessed that I hadn’t noticed anything really, and he pointed out that the man had taken two miserable practice swings but the third was spot-on. His clubhead came down and brushed the grass. That practice swing is what set up the good strike. “When you’re out here with a golfer who is really struggling, show him the importance of a good, solid practice swing. And the other thing is I watch the club hit the ball so I can tell if it was a good shot that got us 170 yards or a poor shot. If it was a poor shot, then I gave him too much club, and I know if he’d hitit pure, he would have airmailed the green and sawed my head off for it.”
I have a lot to learn.
APRIL 7, 2008
Today I was out with wry, lanky Johnny from London, who might be in his mid-forties but still has the build and the face of a boy in his twenties. He led around four Spaniards who were trying to save money and could hire only one caddie. This happens from time to time. Instead of each man paying sixty quid for his own caddie, the four of them will pay twenty each, making it a good payday for the caddie and a real savings for the golfers. So there I am on the 1st tee, really bearing down, dropping down to the
deep down world
. George, the starter, tells us the pin positions so we know exactly where the holes are cut today.
True, I thought. “I’m training to caddie for my son on his first pro tour,” I replied. “So you see, I’m out here with you right now, but really I’m with my son. And that’s why it’s so important that we find your ball.” All this was true. The only part I left off was the last wee bit: “Personally, I couldn’t give a flying fuck if we ever found
your
ball, and my best advice for you is that you give up this sport and take up some equestrian event.”
The great thing about this job is that in four hours (five on anexceptionally long round) it is over. I think of each round as a blind date. Perfect strangers meeting up on the 1st tee. And if things work out, best friends, hugs, and photographs four hours later. It is really quite something to observe. The other day I stood beside big Gary as he and his golfer eyed a shot of approximately 170 yards. Gary was recommending a five-iron. His golfer was unconvinced. “Trust me, sir,” Gary said softly. “We’ll need all of the five-iron to get there.”
“But this is only the 3rd hole,” the man objected as his voice rose in an arc of incredulity. “How can you know my game already? I haven’t even hit a five-iron yet.”
With utmost diplomacy, and a self-deprecating little shrug of his big shoulders, Gary replied, “Well, sir, I watched your seven-iron on number 2. You struck it well. We’re going to need a five-iron here.”
With that, Gary handed him the club he had already withdrawn from the man’s bag. The five-iron. And then Gary stepped aside. When he had my attention, he silently pointed his finger to his eyes and then to the man’s ball. While the golfer took his practice swings, Gary’s eyes remained fixed on the ball. Right through the man’s shot, his eyes never moved until after the ball had taken flight. The three of us watched as the ball rolled up onto the green. “You were right,” the man said. “Good call.”
Gary just nodded. Then he put his hand on my shoulder, and we waited until the golfer had marched out ahead of us and joined his buddies. “I like to let my man enjoy a good shot without me,” he said. “God knows there’s enough misery in this game.” Then he asked me if I had noticed his practice swing. I confessed that I hadn’t noticed anything really, and he pointed out that the man had taken two miserable practice swings but the third was spot-on. His clubhead came down and brushed the grass. That practice swing is what set up the good strike. “When you’re out here with a golfer who is really struggling, show him the importance of a good, solid practice swing. And the other thing is I watch the club hit the ball so I can tell if it was a good shot that got us 170 yards or a poor shot. If it was a poor shot, then I gave him too much club, and I know if he’d hitit pure, he would have airmailed the green and sawed my head off for it.”
I have a lot to learn.
APRIL 7, 2008
Today I was out with wry, lanky Johnny from London, who might be in his mid-forties but still has the build and the face of a boy in his twenties. He led around four Spaniards who were trying to save money and could hire only one caddie. This happens from time to time. Instead of each man paying sixty quid for his own caddie, the four of them will pay twenty each, making it a good payday for the caddie and a real savings for the golfers. So there I am on the 1st tee, really bearing down, dropping down to the
deep down world
. George, the starter, tells us the pin positions so we know exactly where the holes are cut today.
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