and they were elaborate. In her mind, it wasn’t winter—she didn’t have to wear long sleeves or tights under her clothes. She lay under the tree and it shed its paisleys on her like cupcake sprinkles. She rolled around in them, inhaled their scent, and moved her arms and legs back and forth.
Between the paisleys were words. The words fell from a cloud hanging over the tree and were either purple, or blue, depending on whether it was Jared or Matt who spoke them: Murder. Blame. Institution. Fuck. Need. Want. Secret. Refuse. Permit. Hannah. Fly.
In the scatter of paisleys, the words didn’t make sense to her, but she knew they were important.
Sometime later, her eyes flickered open. Matt and Jared sat on a couch, watching her contemplatively. She closed her eyes and remained still until she opened them and it was just Matt sitting on the couch. Something had changed. She could feel it.
“Hannah, I need you to sober up.”
“I’ll try.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Yes, please.”
“Coffee or grape juice?”
“Grape juice.”
“I think you need coffee.”
“Okay, coffee.”
Matt stood up and walked into the kitchen. Hannah swung her legs over the side of the couch and sat up. Her head was heavy. Matt returned with the coffee and handed it to her.
“What happened?” Hannah’s voice cracked and she took a sip of the juice.
“You passed out, I guess.”
She smiled, “Hmm…it was nice. Was Jared here?”
“No.” Matt’s lips tightened.
“Funny. I thought I heard and saw him.”
“You were really fucked up.” Matt turned the television on.
The alarm that never seemed to sound in her, chimed like church bells. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Listen, I have to cook some of that coke into crack and it’s best if you aren’t here.”
“You’re cooking it into crack?”
“What I don’t step on, I’m cooking.”
“What do you mean, step on?”
“That means dilute it with baby laxatives. I’ll make more money off of it that way.”
“Why do I have to leave?”
“Hannah…” Matt hung his head and shook it from side to side, laughing. “This house is going to smell really bad and everyone in it is going to be high as fuck; you can’t stay while I cook the crack.”
“Okay, when do you want me to leave?”
“I don’t want you to leave, you just need to.” Matt looked at Hannah. She shivered in his clothes and starting to tear up. “You aren’t going to cry, are you?”
“No,” she said as tears eased from the corners of her eyes.
“Don’t cry. You can come back; you just shouldn’t be here for a while. Listen, let me cook it up and I’ll come stay at your house.”
“You will?” She perked up.
“Yeah. Hannah, you need to go back to work anyway. I talked to Bob today; Donna’s starting to get suspicious.
“Donna’s suspicious? About what?” She perked up and could feel the obviously guilty look on her face.
“Yeah, you’ve missed a lot of work this week. She’s worried about you. Go back to work, and it’ll be no big deal.”
“Okay, when I think I can drive, I’ll leave.”
“If you want me to drive you home and then walk back here, I will.”
“No, that’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Okay, just wait until after eleven.”
“Why?”
“Don’t ask.”
Hannah didn’t wait until she was sober. After a half of an hour of watching TV in silence, she picked her purse up, grabbed Skye, murmured a slight goodbye, and went home.
The apartment was still and smelled stale. It was as though it slept and died in her absence. She showered and made neat red x’s on her calendar before she went to bed. Facing Donna wasn’t something she looked forward to .
CHAPTER 12
Divulgences
Jared could smell Hannah’s stupidity. She believed the whole bit about the dog and didn’t even question him. Girls and puppies, puppies and girls—they were interchangeable.
Between the paisleys were words. The words fell from a cloud hanging over the tree and were either purple, or blue, depending on whether it was Jared or Matt who spoke them: Murder. Blame. Institution. Fuck. Need. Want. Secret. Refuse. Permit. Hannah. Fly.
In the scatter of paisleys, the words didn’t make sense to her, but she knew they were important.
Sometime later, her eyes flickered open. Matt and Jared sat on a couch, watching her contemplatively. She closed her eyes and remained still until she opened them and it was just Matt sitting on the couch. Something had changed. She could feel it.
“Hannah, I need you to sober up.”
“I’ll try.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Yes, please.”
“Coffee or grape juice?”
“Grape juice.”
“I think you need coffee.”
“Okay, coffee.”
Matt stood up and walked into the kitchen. Hannah swung her legs over the side of the couch and sat up. Her head was heavy. Matt returned with the coffee and handed it to her.
“What happened?” Hannah’s voice cracked and she took a sip of the juice.
“You passed out, I guess.”
She smiled, “Hmm…it was nice. Was Jared here?”
“No.” Matt’s lips tightened.
“Funny. I thought I heard and saw him.”
“You were really fucked up.” Matt turned the television on.
The alarm that never seemed to sound in her, chimed like church bells. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Listen, I have to cook some of that coke into crack and it’s best if you aren’t here.”
“You’re cooking it into crack?”
“What I don’t step on, I’m cooking.”
“What do you mean, step on?”
“That means dilute it with baby laxatives. I’ll make more money off of it that way.”
“Why do I have to leave?”
“Hannah…” Matt hung his head and shook it from side to side, laughing. “This house is going to smell really bad and everyone in it is going to be high as fuck; you can’t stay while I cook the crack.”
“Okay, when do you want me to leave?”
“I don’t want you to leave, you just need to.” Matt looked at Hannah. She shivered in his clothes and starting to tear up. “You aren’t going to cry, are you?”
“No,” she said as tears eased from the corners of her eyes.
“Don’t cry. You can come back; you just shouldn’t be here for a while. Listen, let me cook it up and I’ll come stay at your house.”
“You will?” She perked up.
“Yeah. Hannah, you need to go back to work anyway. I talked to Bob today; Donna’s starting to get suspicious.
“Donna’s suspicious? About what?” She perked up and could feel the obviously guilty look on her face.
“Yeah, you’ve missed a lot of work this week. She’s worried about you. Go back to work, and it’ll be no big deal.”
“Okay, when I think I can drive, I’ll leave.”
“If you want me to drive you home and then walk back here, I will.”
“No, that’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Okay, just wait until after eleven.”
“Why?”
“Don’t ask.”
Hannah didn’t wait until she was sober. After a half of an hour of watching TV in silence, she picked her purse up, grabbed Skye, murmured a slight goodbye, and went home.
The apartment was still and smelled stale. It was as though it slept and died in her absence. She showered and made neat red x’s on her calendar before she went to bed. Facing Donna wasn’t something she looked forward to .
CHAPTER 12
Divulgences
Jared could smell Hannah’s stupidity. She believed the whole bit about the dog and didn’t even question him. Girls and puppies, puppies and girls—they were interchangeable.
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