block my body. My foot landed on the last step before I could run down the hall and lock myself in my room. I put my heel down, and the floor squeaked. It happened in a lull in the screaming, and both my parents turned toward me. My body went stiff, and I couldn't move. I saw that fire behind my father’s eyes, and I internally screamed at myself to drop, to do anything, to get out of the way. But it came too quick. He had a beer gut and the liquor hadn't aged him well, but the All-State pitching arm had held through it all.
The glass came hurdling towards me. I barely had time to turn half way around before it struck me in the temple. I went down.
I woke up in the hospital a few hours later with my mother hovering over me.
"The doctor will be back any minute. You fell."
"I know..." I groaned. It had been coached into me my whole life. "Don't worry about it."
She gave me a smile. "You know Daddy didn't mean to. He just lost his temper. He loves you."
I nodded and turned my head away.
****
Sam was at my side cursing. "What the fuck?"
I pushed him off and got to my feet. "Don't act like you care now." My elbow stung, and it was red. I must have burned it on the carpet when I went down.
"I'm sorry. I have to rein it in. The last thing I ever want to do is fight with you. I love you."
I shoved past him already considering going home to visit. I had to get out of here. Even if for a few days. What had I gotten myself into that my parents seemed better than dealing with this? I was watching my best friend's relationship fall apart because of jealousy, and I was hurting Char by not wanting her like Sam did. They couldn't even say the issue wasn't me. This had all started because of me. I was the problem. It was time for me to figure out how to take myself out of the equation so they could return to how happy they were. I was in my head too much. I needed to get out of it. It was to the point where I couldn't even focus on school anymore.
Chapter Ten
When I got home they were waiting for me, and it felt like the bottom dropped out of my happiness. I felt like the cold hand of reality had wrapped around the base of my throat and was slowly squeeze off my air supply. They sat apart, one on the couch and the other on the chair, avoiding eye contact. The room was thick with tension. I had been determined to talk first, to tell them to go back to the way things had been, to forget about me, but now that I was here it was impossible to give up what made me happy. I glanced at Sam, and the thought of him never wrapping his arms around me again killed me. I wanted to drop to my knees at his feet and bury my face in his thigh and pretend things were simple. For years, those arms had shielded me from my demons. How could I go on without them?
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and croaked out, “Let me guess, you want to talk?”
They both nodded. Char looked liked she had been crying. Red veins spidered across her eyes and splotchy cheeks. Sam looked deadly calm, void of emotions, vacant and hollow. I felt deflated. What hurt the most was that there had been this seed of hope, a tiny idea, which had planted itself deep in my brain. It had rooted in and sprouted this idea of white picket fences and a happily ever after that I was sure I didn’t deserve. Hope for what could come out of this hurt the most. I for the first time in my life had the possibility of this normalcy everyone else took for granted. I'd doubted it all along, but that idea of what could be did more damage than living the reality of it. I shoved my messenger bag off my shoulder and took a seat on the coffee table so I could see them both.
“Just rip the Band-Aid off." I'd survived growing up and I would this. It was an effort to keep my breathing even, but I managed.
Sam looked up at me his face cycled through unreadable emotions. “It’s not like that.”
Char left the place where she'd been curled up in the corner of the couch with her
The glass came hurdling towards me. I barely had time to turn half way around before it struck me in the temple. I went down.
I woke up in the hospital a few hours later with my mother hovering over me.
"The doctor will be back any minute. You fell."
"I know..." I groaned. It had been coached into me my whole life. "Don't worry about it."
She gave me a smile. "You know Daddy didn't mean to. He just lost his temper. He loves you."
I nodded and turned my head away.
****
Sam was at my side cursing. "What the fuck?"
I pushed him off and got to my feet. "Don't act like you care now." My elbow stung, and it was red. I must have burned it on the carpet when I went down.
"I'm sorry. I have to rein it in. The last thing I ever want to do is fight with you. I love you."
I shoved past him already considering going home to visit. I had to get out of here. Even if for a few days. What had I gotten myself into that my parents seemed better than dealing with this? I was watching my best friend's relationship fall apart because of jealousy, and I was hurting Char by not wanting her like Sam did. They couldn't even say the issue wasn't me. This had all started because of me. I was the problem. It was time for me to figure out how to take myself out of the equation so they could return to how happy they were. I was in my head too much. I needed to get out of it. It was to the point where I couldn't even focus on school anymore.
Chapter Ten
When I got home they were waiting for me, and it felt like the bottom dropped out of my happiness. I felt like the cold hand of reality had wrapped around the base of my throat and was slowly squeeze off my air supply. They sat apart, one on the couch and the other on the chair, avoiding eye contact. The room was thick with tension. I had been determined to talk first, to tell them to go back to the way things had been, to forget about me, but now that I was here it was impossible to give up what made me happy. I glanced at Sam, and the thought of him never wrapping his arms around me again killed me. I wanted to drop to my knees at his feet and bury my face in his thigh and pretend things were simple. For years, those arms had shielded me from my demons. How could I go on without them?
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and croaked out, “Let me guess, you want to talk?”
They both nodded. Char looked liked she had been crying. Red veins spidered across her eyes and splotchy cheeks. Sam looked deadly calm, void of emotions, vacant and hollow. I felt deflated. What hurt the most was that there had been this seed of hope, a tiny idea, which had planted itself deep in my brain. It had rooted in and sprouted this idea of white picket fences and a happily ever after that I was sure I didn’t deserve. Hope for what could come out of this hurt the most. I for the first time in my life had the possibility of this normalcy everyone else took for granted. I'd doubted it all along, but that idea of what could be did more damage than living the reality of it. I shoved my messenger bag off my shoulder and took a seat on the coffee table so I could see them both.
“Just rip the Band-Aid off." I'd survived growing up and I would this. It was an effort to keep my breathing even, but I managed.
Sam looked up at me his face cycled through unreadable emotions. “It’s not like that.”
Char left the place where she'd been curled up in the corner of the couch with her
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