kind was no good and if I run around with him I’d end up on skid row with him and Laird and the rest of the drunks.
Ed was tall and blond, with blue eyes and a nice smile. His hair was thin on top, but I thought that added to his good looks. He’d come to pick me up wearin dress pants and cowboy boots, smellin of aftershave. I was a thirty-year-old in what felt like a forty-year-old body, but Ed made me feel young and pretty. And he made me laugh. Lord, it felt good to laugh.
I got myself a couple of new dresses, and when other men looked at me and whistled, Ed didn’t mind. Said bein seen with a pretty woman improved his image. He took me places I never been before. Movies, pool halls, and beer joints. I told him I was scared somebody’d recognize me, but he just laughed. Said the folks I was worried about runnin into didn’t have no more business bein there than I did.
If there was a jukebox, he’d want me to dance with him. I told him I was raised in a church that taught against dancin and I didn’t know how. The only dancin I ever done was with Rheba and Flossie when we were girls, and that was a lot different than dancin with a man.
But the music got to me. Hoagy Carmichael, Johnny Mercer, Cole Porter. I fell as hard for the music as I did for Ed, or at least it was all part of the same thing. That music, bein in Ed’s arms, leanin against him, smellin his smell, made me feel things I never felt before. Mama was right about dancin. It could lead to all kinds of trouble.
I loved bein with Ed. The way he kissed me, pressed his body up against me, made me want him like I never wanted anythin. I worried about what Mama would say if I slept with Ed, but I was more worried about God. I had the sin of divorce on my slate already and I didn’t want to make it worse.
“Why don’t you marry me?” Ed asked after we’d gone out for a while. “Let me take care of you and your kids. Your divorce is final. There’s no reason not to.”
It was less than a year since my divorce and I knew Mama would be against it, but it was a way out of a terrible situation. It’d be good for Mama, too, in the long run. The little bit of money I made at my job didn’t come close to coverin the cost of supportin us. And she was gittin too old to keep runnin after my kids.
Besides, I was fallin in love with the guy. He’d never been married and he liked the idea of a readymade family. My girls were seven and three, Bubby was almost six, and Sam, my baby, was a year old and just startin to walk. They were all crazy about Ed. When he come to see us, his pockets bulged with lollipops and bubble gum. He took the kids out for ice cream cones, gave em horsey-back rides, and carried the littlest ones around on his shoulders. What could be wrong with marryin a man like that?
.
24
E D PINNED PINK ROSES on the linen suit I bought with my paycheck. Laird and my friend Lila went with us to be witnesses, and we had a simple weddin in front of a judge. Afterwards, the four of us went out and celebrated.
When we come back to the house and showed Mama my ring, she laid into us like a riled-up rooster. Said it was a sneaky thing to do. I knew she’d be mad. And I didn’t blame her. After all, she’d been the one stickin up for me when people talked, defendin my decision to divorce Raymond, takin care of the kids while I worked, and I’d gone off and got married without even tellin her I was goin to. But I wasn’t sure what upset her most, us gittin married or me havin liquor on my breath.
Those first weeks, though, I tried to put her anger out of my mind. I was in love. Even my kids took a backseat to Ed and the way my body responded to his touch. I never knew sex could be so wonderful. And there was the time after we made love, when we laid in bed and talked. I’d tell him about my family, and he’d say he couldn’t remember his. His dad brought him to Oregon when he was eleven or twelve, then took off and left him with a
Ed was tall and blond, with blue eyes and a nice smile. His hair was thin on top, but I thought that added to his good looks. He’d come to pick me up wearin dress pants and cowboy boots, smellin of aftershave. I was a thirty-year-old in what felt like a forty-year-old body, but Ed made me feel young and pretty. And he made me laugh. Lord, it felt good to laugh.
I got myself a couple of new dresses, and when other men looked at me and whistled, Ed didn’t mind. Said bein seen with a pretty woman improved his image. He took me places I never been before. Movies, pool halls, and beer joints. I told him I was scared somebody’d recognize me, but he just laughed. Said the folks I was worried about runnin into didn’t have no more business bein there than I did.
If there was a jukebox, he’d want me to dance with him. I told him I was raised in a church that taught against dancin and I didn’t know how. The only dancin I ever done was with Rheba and Flossie when we were girls, and that was a lot different than dancin with a man.
But the music got to me. Hoagy Carmichael, Johnny Mercer, Cole Porter. I fell as hard for the music as I did for Ed, or at least it was all part of the same thing. That music, bein in Ed’s arms, leanin against him, smellin his smell, made me feel things I never felt before. Mama was right about dancin. It could lead to all kinds of trouble.
I loved bein with Ed. The way he kissed me, pressed his body up against me, made me want him like I never wanted anythin. I worried about what Mama would say if I slept with Ed, but I was more worried about God. I had the sin of divorce on my slate already and I didn’t want to make it worse.
“Why don’t you marry me?” Ed asked after we’d gone out for a while. “Let me take care of you and your kids. Your divorce is final. There’s no reason not to.”
It was less than a year since my divorce and I knew Mama would be against it, but it was a way out of a terrible situation. It’d be good for Mama, too, in the long run. The little bit of money I made at my job didn’t come close to coverin the cost of supportin us. And she was gittin too old to keep runnin after my kids.
Besides, I was fallin in love with the guy. He’d never been married and he liked the idea of a readymade family. My girls were seven and three, Bubby was almost six, and Sam, my baby, was a year old and just startin to walk. They were all crazy about Ed. When he come to see us, his pockets bulged with lollipops and bubble gum. He took the kids out for ice cream cones, gave em horsey-back rides, and carried the littlest ones around on his shoulders. What could be wrong with marryin a man like that?
.
24
E D PINNED PINK ROSES on the linen suit I bought with my paycheck. Laird and my friend Lila went with us to be witnesses, and we had a simple weddin in front of a judge. Afterwards, the four of us went out and celebrated.
When we come back to the house and showed Mama my ring, she laid into us like a riled-up rooster. Said it was a sneaky thing to do. I knew she’d be mad. And I didn’t blame her. After all, she’d been the one stickin up for me when people talked, defendin my decision to divorce Raymond, takin care of the kids while I worked, and I’d gone off and got married without even tellin her I was goin to. But I wasn’t sure what upset her most, us gittin married or me havin liquor on my breath.
Those first weeks, though, I tried to put her anger out of my mind. I was in love. Even my kids took a backseat to Ed and the way my body responded to his touch. I never knew sex could be so wonderful. And there was the time after we made love, when we laid in bed and talked. I’d tell him about my family, and he’d say he couldn’t remember his. His dad brought him to Oregon when he was eleven or twelve, then took off and left him with a
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