Vanity Insanity by Mary Kay Leatherman Page A

amusement park, and my sister Cheryl was at the big pool every day. My friends and I were more excited about a dance called Sprite Nite, where a DJ played the same top-forty songs we had listened to all day at the pool.
    Will answered for the group. “It depends on who ‘we’ includes.” Careful now, not too cool.
    “Oh, Lucy, Theresa, Marty…”
    “Theresa’s here?”
    “Lucy has her as a guest. Didn’t you know?” As Lovey spoke, our eyes darted around the pool area for a glimpse of Theresa. The radio in the background, the smell of chlorine and suntan lotion, the sun on my back…My senses all seemed heightened.
    A scratchy voice yelled from the door to the Snack Shack. “Hey! Did you tell them about Sprite Nite, Lovey?” Lucy may have appeared to most as a bossy little thing, but on closer observation, those around her appreciated her bossiness as a gift. She organized fun. She directed them to enjoy life. She was the Julie McCoy of Maple Crest Love Boat.
    Tiny little Lucy walked toward us with what appeared like two bodyguards towering behind her. Theresa and especially Marty had grown tall and slender as they entered their early teen years, while Lucy stayed petite. One small disappointment of the day was that Theresa was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. No swimming suit for us. They had already finished swimming and were heading home. The girls all looked at Will. To me, Will was just a grump who bossed us all around. To the girls, he was very attractive. I wasn’t stupid. I’d figured that one out all by myself.
    Lucy looked at Will. “If Mom says we can go, we can have Subby or Stephano drive us there. On the way we were going to stop by that billboard where the DJ from WOW is living in a huge banana. He’s broadcasting from up there and not leaving for a whole week.”
    “WOW has gone bananas!” A.C. used a deep voice and held his pretend phone to his ears. During that week, the radio station was calling listeners. If you answered the phone like A.C. instead of saying hello, the station was offering prizes. The big prize was a trip to Kansas City.
    “How does he go to the bathroom?” Stinky wondered out loud.
    “Just let us know if you guys want to go.”
    More girls walked up to the fence, sensing that Lucy had found a new adventure. Our plan was working.
    Lucy shared her most recent discovery with the large audience. “OK, I have to tell you all what I just found out from this high-school girl who works in the Snack Shack.” As she spoke, her mouth sparkled. Lucy was wired for sound with the entire orthodontia works. She even wore the whole headgear thing at night, which only further encouraged my theory on the barbaric things that our own parents impose on us for the sake of vanity.
    Lucy looked serious as she started her performance. “If you listen to the beginning of the song ‘Rollercoaster’ by the Ohio Players, you will hear a really high scream.”
    “Son of a bitch. I’ve heard it!” Little Andy Morrow’s eyes were big and round and glued to the Lucy.
    “Anyway, that’s the scream of a woman who was killed during the actual recording of the song. Her murder was recorded!” Lucy paused for effect. “It’s like her murder is repeated every time we hear that song.”
    I was stunned by the big eyes and opened mouths in the group that had gathered.
Really?
    “It’s true.” Lucy shook her head slowly and pursed her lips with the burden of this sad awareness. Theresa and Marty shook their heads in unison and agreement, looking like the Supremes behind their lead singer. I worked hard to hide my smirk. In the shuffle of expressions in the group, Theresa looked at Will and smiled.
    A deeper voice from behind me added, “And if you listen really, really closely to the end of that song, you’ll hear the drummer fart.” The voice came from a kid who had been sitting on his bike a couple feet behind the group, listening to Lucy. She looked at the boy perturbed but said