One
It was the
wait that had become the hardest. It was always the wait. The void of silence
filling the room, widening in a chasm of borderline desperation that made every
movement feel like a chore. Time ticked by in an unhurried pace, oblivious to
its anxiety causing affect. Yes, it was the wait that had become the hardest.
She couldn’t unglue her tongue from the roof of her
mouth to even attempt to ask the simple question of, “How was your day?” Instead, she sat there dumbly, staring at the
wooden pattern of their bedroom floor, her husband casually propped against a
mauve colored wall. His chest was all that moved to disturb the stillness of
his form. She appreciated the stillness; it gave her an anchor. If he’d sat
next to her on the area rug, his knees bouncing in time with her own, it
would’ve simply ratcheted up her own inability to just…be.
Lifting her head, she caught his stare on her. His
eyes weren’t pale, but their effect was just the same. Dark and hypnotizing. A
raise of his lashes and she melted. So many years, so much time, and a simple
glance could push a soul deep sigh from her throat without much effort. It was
a gift that she cursed. That gaze was reaching, could curl its fingers around
her heart and cinch down before making her confess every sin lingering on her
lips.
But at the moment, that stare was simply hopeful,
imitating her own. He turned away from the wall and took a step forward, his
lips parting. “ Cara—”
Jingle! Jingle!
Jingle!
They jerked at the noise, starting when they realized
the alarm they’d set minutes ago had finally sounded off. Nyssa
Blackwell-Sultana felt her tummy bottom out and placed a hand to it.
“Would you like me to look?” her husband questioned
softly.
She gave a sharp nod, unable to even consider
standing at the moment to face what laid on the other
side of the bathroom door.
Sansone — Sunny to his friends and
family—ambled towards the master bath, always willing to play knight when
it was requested. She remained on the rug with her legs drawn up to her chest
and her arms wrapped tightly about them while her chin rested on her knees.
Relax and wait, she coached herself. Don’t tense.
Don’t. Tense. Breathe.
A huge gulp of air stopped the burning in her lungs
and she sat there impatiently, listening for the sound of Sansone’s soft footsteps as he re-entered the bedroom. When they finally came, the slow drags
of his bare feet made her raise her eyes. One look at his stoic expression and
she knew…
Negative, he
told her without saying a word. The
pregnancy test is negative.
Nyssa gave herself a moment under the crushing
disappointment. It was a feeling she’d become familiar with over the last year.
So why did it hurt? Why was it so acute?
Because all the signs had been there this time. All of them. The achy breasts, the
aversion to his favorite cologne and the missed period. A week and a half and
she hadn’t seen one clue that pointed to a cycle coming her way. So naturally
she’d assumed…
You assumed
wrong.
She swallowed and placed her palms to the floor to
push herself up. Standing on legs that just about vibrated,she brushed the back of her yoga pants and gave a brave shrug.
“Hey, it happens. We’ve been through this before so…”
Sansone came forward and
she took an involuntary step back. He stopped in his tracks, his expression
darkening. He didn’t understand. She didn’t want to be touched right now. She
didn’t want soft whispers of reassurances against her temple. She didn’t want
to be told again that things would be
okay. She just...air. She wanted air.
Nyssa spun on the balls of her sock clad feet and
headed for the door.
“ Cara,” her
husband called, following her. “Where’re you going?”
She couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t she breathe?
His tone sharpened. “Nyssa.”
The stairs were a blur as she moved through their
home, her goal simple. Get outside. Get away. Go. Go. Go.
The
It was the
wait that had become the hardest. It was always the wait. The void of silence
filling the room, widening in a chasm of borderline desperation that made every
movement feel like a chore. Time ticked by in an unhurried pace, oblivious to
its anxiety causing affect. Yes, it was the wait that had become the hardest.
She couldn’t unglue her tongue from the roof of her
mouth to even attempt to ask the simple question of, “How was your day?” Instead, she sat there dumbly, staring at the
wooden pattern of their bedroom floor, her husband casually propped against a
mauve colored wall. His chest was all that moved to disturb the stillness of
his form. She appreciated the stillness; it gave her an anchor. If he’d sat
next to her on the area rug, his knees bouncing in time with her own, it
would’ve simply ratcheted up her own inability to just…be.
Lifting her head, she caught his stare on her. His
eyes weren’t pale, but their effect was just the same. Dark and hypnotizing. A
raise of his lashes and she melted. So many years, so much time, and a simple
glance could push a soul deep sigh from her throat without much effort. It was
a gift that she cursed. That gaze was reaching, could curl its fingers around
her heart and cinch down before making her confess every sin lingering on her
lips.
But at the moment, that stare was simply hopeful,
imitating her own. He turned away from the wall and took a step forward, his
lips parting. “ Cara—”
Jingle! Jingle!
Jingle!
They jerked at the noise, starting when they realized
the alarm they’d set minutes ago had finally sounded off. Nyssa
Blackwell-Sultana felt her tummy bottom out and placed a hand to it.
“Would you like me to look?” her husband questioned
softly.
She gave a sharp nod, unable to even consider
standing at the moment to face what laid on the other
side of the bathroom door.
Sansone — Sunny to his friends and
family—ambled towards the master bath, always willing to play knight when
it was requested. She remained on the rug with her legs drawn up to her chest
and her arms wrapped tightly about them while her chin rested on her knees.
Relax and wait, she coached herself. Don’t tense.
Don’t. Tense. Breathe.
A huge gulp of air stopped the burning in her lungs
and she sat there impatiently, listening for the sound of Sansone’s soft footsteps as he re-entered the bedroom. When they finally came, the slow drags
of his bare feet made her raise her eyes. One look at his stoic expression and
she knew…
Negative, he
told her without saying a word. The
pregnancy test is negative.
Nyssa gave herself a moment under the crushing
disappointment. It was a feeling she’d become familiar with over the last year.
So why did it hurt? Why was it so acute?
Because all the signs had been there this time. All of them. The achy breasts, the
aversion to his favorite cologne and the missed period. A week and a half and
she hadn’t seen one clue that pointed to a cycle coming her way. So naturally
she’d assumed…
You assumed
wrong.
She swallowed and placed her palms to the floor to
push herself up. Standing on legs that just about vibrated,she brushed the back of her yoga pants and gave a brave shrug.
“Hey, it happens. We’ve been through this before so…”
Sansone came forward and
she took an involuntary step back. He stopped in his tracks, his expression
darkening. He didn’t understand. She didn’t want to be touched right now. She
didn’t want soft whispers of reassurances against her temple. She didn’t want
to be told again that things would be
okay. She just...air. She wanted air.
Nyssa spun on the balls of her sock clad feet and
headed for the door.
“ Cara,” her
husband called, following her. “Where’re you going?”
She couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t she breathe?
His tone sharpened. “Nyssa.”
The stairs were a blur as she moved through their
home, her goal simple. Get outside. Get away. Go. Go. Go.
The
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