Unruly by Ja Rule Page A

Thanks Mary! This is how you grind. You have to do whatever you have to do to make it happen.
    One of our videos would be shot in a gritty staircase in Queens on Hollis Avenue and the other one would be filmed in a shop that was owned by our man Preme. We didn’t have lighting. I remember we had to bring a lamp from my apartment. People around the way were happy to see us shooting a video on their block, hundreds of people came out to cheer us on and to get on camera whenever they could.
    I couldn’t wait to tell Aisha that we had a record deal.
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    I HADN’T SPENT QUALITY time with Aisha in a while so I planned a special night. I was going to have Aisha over to hang with me at the crib to celebrate the record deal.
    My Moms rarely cooked, so I couldn’t offer her a home-cooked meal, so I would be the cook that night. I went to the C-Town supermarket and bought a pack of cube steaks, a box of Velveeta macaroni and cheese and a few packs of Kool-Aid. Aisha said it all tasted good. I even made gravy with onion soup and water. We ate a lot and talked a lot. It felt nice being with her in private. After dinner, Aisha and I went to my room. I couldn’t wait to tell her about the record deal. We were lying on my bed and I was just about to tell her my exciting news. But Aisha had something to tell me, too. I let her go first.
    â€œGuess what?” Aisha said with a tentative voice.
    â€œWhat?” I said.
    â€œI’m pregnant, Jeffrey.”
    I couldn’t believe my ears. We both thought that we were doing the right thing and that it could never happen to us. I was happy but dazed. Although it wasn’t good timing, it was perfect timing in some ways. I would be able to take care of us financially, because I now had a record deal. I was on my way. I wasn’t ready to be nobody’s father. I was ready to be a star.
    â€œ Word ? You sure?” I finally said.
    â€œYeah, I’m sure.” Aisha said softly as she put her head down, afraid to see the look on my face.
    We had used condoms for the first straight year. And then we don’t know what happened. I think I was the one who suggested that we use the “withdrawal method.” I’d heard from someone that it worked. Or maybe, I’d heard that it didn’t work.
    This news from Aisha was the wake-up call I needed. Having a baby would mean that I needed more money and that I had to get this rap thing in motion.
    â€œWow, girl, that’s big news, Aisha. How do you feel?” I hoped my face was pleasant, if not neutral.
    â€œI’m not scared . . . maybe a little. Jeffrey, I just don’t want to be another statistic. I want to have all my kids with the same man.”
    Aisha was afraid, I could tell. She was trying to be strong, although I could see her eyes watering. This was that moment in the hood that all chicks fear, the moment when the guy who got her pregnant says, “I’m out.” Or, they simply be out .
    I wasn’t going to do that to Aisha. I loved her, even though I was only eighteen. I lightened up the mood for her, like I always did. “Okay. Then have all of your kids with me. Look, we have one out of the way already!” I said, wanting to comfort her and wanting to believe for myself that what I was saying was possible. I was only eighteen years old—nine months from then, where would I be?
    â€œI love you, Jeffrey,” she said, pulling me closer to her.
    â€œI love you too, baby girl,” I said as my mind wandered to the tour that I hoped I’d be on with Mic Geronimo someday.
    I was excited about the baby, but I knew that would mean I would need to make even more money. I wanted the money to come from rhyming and not hustling. If that wasn’t the case, it would be true, Aisha would lose me.
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    â€œJEFFREY, DO YOU REMEMBER when I told you that I wasn’t scared? I lied. Reality hits me every time I see how big my belly is