like one step away from watching porn.”
Ayden shakes his head at Sage. “So, what did I miss?” he asks me as he sets his guitar case on the floor.
“Well, we go on in, like, thirty,” I tell him then shoot Sage a conniving smile. “And Sage has been pissing his pants that you weren’t going to show up.”
Sage glares at me. “Yeah, right. You’re the one freaking out, and not just about Ayden.”
“What else are you freaking out about?” Ayden asks me with concern.
I give a shrug. “I already told you that I still get nervous every time we’re about to perform.”
“What can I do to help?”
“You could talk to me about something else. Take my mind off stuff.”
Nodding, he takes my hand and leads me back to the corner of the room. When he sits down on the floor, he pulls me down with him so we’re sitting across from each other.
“So, I’ve been talking to my therapist about that experimental treatment I told you about a while ago,” he starts, resting against the wall.
“The one Lila doesn’t want you to do?” I crisscross my legs and rest back on my hands.
He nods, fiddling with the leather bracelet I gave him. “But I’m not really sure she has any say in it anymore.”
My head cocks to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m eighteen and technically don’t need a guardian’s permission to go through with the treatment.” He leans forward and tugs on my arm, so I sit up straight. Then he laces his fingers through mine. “I don’t want it to come to that,” he says, staring down at our hands, “but, at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about Sadie and how, if I could just see the people’s faces, then maybe the police could track her down and make some arrests.”
I take a minute or two to prepare myself for what I’m going to say next. “I get what you’re saying—I really do—but what are the risks, exactly? I mean, how dangerous are we talking?”
“There’s a short list of them,” he answers with hesitancy. “Like memory loss and stress on the heart, but if the treatment’s done right, then nothing should go wrong.”
I make a mental note to search online for the side effects. If they’re bad, then I’m going to talk him out of it. The last thing I ever want is for him to get hurt or, worse, lose him. My heart aches just thinking about it.
“Look, I get that, no matter what, it’s kind of risky. And it’s not going to be easy . . . seeing the stuff I’ve forgotten. I know my mind blocked it out for a reason.” With his free hand, he scratches his head. “But I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t at least try. And I really need you to support me and be there for me.”
Dammit. He said he needs me. There goes my plan of talking him out of it.
“All right, I can do that, I guess. But I’m not going to lie; I’m scared of what’s going to happen. I don’t . . .” I swallow hard. “I don’t want to lose you.” Because I love you.
I’m in love with you.
Love you so much
I feel like I’m going to combust,
Shatter into pieces that scatter
Through the wind and rain,
Blow away and get lost.
Lost, lost, lost
In my love for you.
Now he’s the one to gulp. “You won’t. I promise.”
“Hey, you two love birds, we’re up!” Nolan shouts mockingly from behind us.
I crinkle my nose. “Sometimes, I wish you and I could just be a duo.”
He smiles thoughtfully. “That’d be nice, but considering I can’t sing, it’d be more of a solo and a half band.”
“It still sounds better right now.” I push to my feet and tug my skirt into place. “Those two are getting on my nerves.”
He strokes my cheekbone with his finger. “Want me to throw a basketball at them to see if I can get them to shut up? I mean, I do still owe you for that.”
Smiling, I ponder the idea.
Ayden shakes his head at Sage. “So, what did I miss?” he asks me as he sets his guitar case on the floor.
“Well, we go on in, like, thirty,” I tell him then shoot Sage a conniving smile. “And Sage has been pissing his pants that you weren’t going to show up.”
Sage glares at me. “Yeah, right. You’re the one freaking out, and not just about Ayden.”
“What else are you freaking out about?” Ayden asks me with concern.
I give a shrug. “I already told you that I still get nervous every time we’re about to perform.”
“What can I do to help?”
“You could talk to me about something else. Take my mind off stuff.”
Nodding, he takes my hand and leads me back to the corner of the room. When he sits down on the floor, he pulls me down with him so we’re sitting across from each other.
“So, I’ve been talking to my therapist about that experimental treatment I told you about a while ago,” he starts, resting against the wall.
“The one Lila doesn’t want you to do?” I crisscross my legs and rest back on my hands.
He nods, fiddling with the leather bracelet I gave him. “But I’m not really sure she has any say in it anymore.”
My head cocks to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m eighteen and technically don’t need a guardian’s permission to go through with the treatment.” He leans forward and tugs on my arm, so I sit up straight. Then he laces his fingers through mine. “I don’t want it to come to that,” he says, staring down at our hands, “but, at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about Sadie and how, if I could just see the people’s faces, then maybe the police could track her down and make some arrests.”
I take a minute or two to prepare myself for what I’m going to say next. “I get what you’re saying—I really do—but what are the risks, exactly? I mean, how dangerous are we talking?”
“There’s a short list of them,” he answers with hesitancy. “Like memory loss and stress on the heart, but if the treatment’s done right, then nothing should go wrong.”
I make a mental note to search online for the side effects. If they’re bad, then I’m going to talk him out of it. The last thing I ever want is for him to get hurt or, worse, lose him. My heart aches just thinking about it.
“Look, I get that, no matter what, it’s kind of risky. And it’s not going to be easy . . . seeing the stuff I’ve forgotten. I know my mind blocked it out for a reason.” With his free hand, he scratches his head. “But I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t at least try. And I really need you to support me and be there for me.”
Dammit. He said he needs me. There goes my plan of talking him out of it.
“All right, I can do that, I guess. But I’m not going to lie; I’m scared of what’s going to happen. I don’t . . .” I swallow hard. “I don’t want to lose you.” Because I love you.
I’m in love with you.
Love you so much
I feel like I’m going to combust,
Shatter into pieces that scatter
Through the wind and rain,
Blow away and get lost.
Lost, lost, lost
In my love for you.
Now he’s the one to gulp. “You won’t. I promise.”
“Hey, you two love birds, we’re up!” Nolan shouts mockingly from behind us.
I crinkle my nose. “Sometimes, I wish you and I could just be a duo.”
He smiles thoughtfully. “That’d be nice, but considering I can’t sing, it’d be more of a solo and a half band.”
“It still sounds better right now.” I push to my feet and tug my skirt into place. “Those two are getting on my nerves.”
He strokes my cheekbone with his finger. “Want me to throw a basketball at them to see if I can get them to shut up? I mean, I do still owe you for that.”
Smiling, I ponder the idea.
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